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AIBU?

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Original poster

to consider lending this money?

374 replies

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 21:05

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

OP posts:
CaptainMarvelDanvers · 08/03/2016 09:55

Moving in with someone is not the same as giving them £25k.

Victims of scams always believe they know what they are doing until they are left with nothing. This does not seem like a good idea.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/03/2016 09:57

Whoops hit post

Or sell yours and your equity - put some into your joint home that you will buy but if you are say putting in £100k then have an agreement drawn up staying if you ever sell the house or split up you get £100k back first and then remainer is split 50/50

firesidechat · 08/03/2016 09:58

Even the amounts quoted by the op sound incredibly unrealistic. I can't see how a salary of £50,000 would fund the outgoings, what with child maintenance and huge debts as well.

Interesting that the op hasn't commented on the posts which say that the mortgage company wouldn't even allow a deposit loaned by a girlfriend. They would run a mile from such an arrangement. The op just appears to want to debate with us.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 09:58

I'd want to keep hold of my own money too. But why is she being hoodwinked? You have no evidence whatsoever to go on to support that.

She can legally protect that money by owning a 10% share or something, but it does make sense as a couple to buy a house now rather than a flat or continue renting.

PiecesOfCake · 08/03/2016 10:03

Do not.

dustarr73 · 08/03/2016 10:06

Well you could tell him to pay off the credit card debt.Save for a year and then you will talk about it.Your not saying no outright but you will see if he can stay debt free.Plus he would still have some savings.It might take him longer but you will see what happens next.

SerenityReynolds · 08/03/2016 10:07

Vulcan you're probably right about her offering, though I still think it's worth her thinking back for any hints/repeated sob stories about how he can't buy the house he wants needs that may have led to her doing so. Rather than her perhaps coming up with the idea out of the blue on her own as a goodwill gesture to her partner?

Bearbehind · 08/03/2016 10:09

OP, as others have said, these numbers just don't add up.

You can't service a £200k mortgage, pay £700 a month child maintenance and repay £20k credit card debt as well as pay living expenses on £50k a year.

It sounds like you think he'll get the mortgage then max out his credit cards to pay you back straight away.

Do you realise that you can't do cash balance transfers on a lot of credit cards and those you can tend to be for a short time- what do you think will happen when he's got £20k on his cards and the interest rate reverts to the standard 20 odd percent Hmm

Kidnapped · 08/03/2016 10:12

You know that he has been awful with money in the past. 60K's worth of awful.

And now he has got the debt down to only 8K, he is not thinking that he will continue to clear the debt and then build a deposit.

His thinking is that now is a great time to take on an additional 2 huge debts: the mortgage and 20 - 25K from you.

That is not the thinking of someone who has learned his lesson about managing money.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:14

To me he's no conman. He's genuine -according to the op who has been in a good relationship with him for over two years. She's seen him interact with his children, her children, friends and family. She's seen he's been financially sensible in recent years. She knows him as well as anyone can.

To me he's just a genuine bloke who's sick of spending more money on rent each month than he would do on a mortgage. The deposit is a stumbling block. But paying the op back monthly (informally) and paying the mortgage will be the same as his current rent. Why not enter an agreement with someone who loves you to buy a house?

I agree that the op should make it water tight so that she doesn't lose her money. The op would be daft to just lend it. But as byrdie says it is possible to protect your money whilst still helping your partner out. She buys say a 10% interest in the house. He can then informally pay her back each month or they just leave it that she always retains 10%.

VulcanWoman · 08/03/2016 10:14

Serenity Yes, a tangled web they weave.

dust that's an idea, would be interesting to see his reaction to that if nothing else.

Bearbehind · 08/03/2016 10:15

grape are you the OP's boyfriend?

VulcanWoman · 08/03/2016 10:17

Grape these situations happen a lot, they do the long term thing, they have other people on the go too.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:22

Grin I just find it strange that people don't look at the best way for them as a couple.
Believe me I am financially very savvy. I said in my first post it would be crazy to put it on credit cards. But

He pays a lot more in rent than he will do on a mortgage therefore they need to look at how they can facilitate buying the house at the least financial cost to the couple - whilst protecting her money. I would never put myself in a situation where I may lose 25k. That would be stupid.

They love each other. Surely you want to help each other. Surely that's what good relationships are. But you do it and protect yourself at the same time.

Bearbehind · 08/03/2016 10:28

I disagree grape. I don't think any couple who talk about living together in '3 to 5 years' are in it for the long haul.

One of them is keeping things at arms length for a reason.

I accept that some couples choose to never live together but to say we will do so in a random number of years is bonkers- what will be different then to now.

It sounds like this man has a string of excuses/ reasons why things should be exactly the way he wants them. If it suits OP for now then that's find, but risking herself financial would be insane.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/03/2016 10:28

metalmickie
I suspect he enjoyed living a very nice lifestyle with his ex if there is that much money in her family and he got used to spending too much. He doesn't seem to have financially grown up if he is thinking that he can borrow from you and then repay you from credit cards. Do you really think he is going to jump straight back into the black hole of credit card debt that he has just dragged himself out of? I expect he will start to put off repaying you due to problems borrowing against his credit cards and suddenly repayment in 3 months will become 6...9...15... months.

He has to stop trying to get others to cover him living a life he can't quite afford.

EssentialHummus · 08/03/2016 10:30

I know this was said earlier, but to reiterate: I don't know of any lender who will accept a loaned deposit. They will ask where he got the dosh from. When they find out it's from you, they'll make you sign something to the effect that that loan was a gift, so that they're not competing with you as another lender if DP defaults. (He's obviously welcome to lie to the lenders about where the money comes from, but that'd be fraud.)

Right now he cannot afford to buy. He needs to pay down his debt and save, like the rest of us, like you have done, so that in a year or two he has a healthy deposit. Yes, house prices are going up, but that's not a reason to enter into this scheme. House prices may have been going up when he managed to get £60k in debt. I'd suggest he stays where he is, you both save money, and in a few years, you buy together.

Also, sorry to go all Dr. Phil on you, but the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour IMO, and this chap's past financial behaviour has been appalling. £60k on credit cards is not healthy.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:33

She would need to have a 10% interest in the house rather than a loan to him.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:37

But it's not 60k anymore. He has proved himself by getting that down to zero and savings of 2k - if he used his 10k savings to pay off his credit cards. But again it makes sense to not do this because at the moment they are all interest free and he has a deposit enough for a small flat.

So Dr Phil, he's shown himself to be financially prudent in recent years,

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 08/03/2016 10:41

He has 10k savings but because he owes 8k on cards, the lenders only consider his savings as the net amount ie 2k.

Well, they're right to do that, aren't they?

EssentialHummus · 08/03/2016 10:42

Grape - I hope so. But I can't get over someone bunging £60k onto credit cards in the first place, and apparently planning to bung another £45k on credit cards to pay back the OP. It doesn't seem prudent to me. And I still don't have a sense of how he has paid the £60k off - work? Ex? Inheritance?

From a lender's POV I don't think he has enough for a small flat deposit - once you do the sums you've done, he has £2k. I think he'd do better to keep saving.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 10:44

You've seen his all his credit reports
You've seen documents relating to his new job
You've seen documents relating to his salary
You know the complete ins and out of his last 10 years finances.

That is a bit wierd.

AND

How could you be with someone who has said he will disinherit his children and leave it all to a girlfriend of 2 years?

This x 1 million

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:55

essential He worked a minimum wage job then and the divorce etc. He's now earning over 50k.

It may not be worthwhile but the op thinks they're a good couple and as long as she protects her money I think options are worth exploring, rather than assuming he is a con man etc.

Bearbehind · 08/03/2016 10:58

She would need to have a 10% interest in the house rather than a loan to him.

That's not without risk. To have any share in the house she'd need to be on the deeds which, in turn means she'd have to be on the mortgage which would make her jointly and severely liable for the full debt.

Besides, I fully expect excuse number eleventy million (right after the one about the ex- wife insisting he cannot live anywhere with less than 3 bedrooms Hmm) to be that he has to be the only one on the mortgage for some reason.

So OP is back at loaning him money she would have to formally declare as being a gift for the purposes of securing the mortgage.

Not a chance.

Grapejuicerocks · 08/03/2016 10:59

Tenants in common? rather than joint owners?

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