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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider lending this money?

374 replies

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 21:05

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 07/03/2016 22:56

Ah well, you'll make back £100 when you sell your sob story to TAB magazine.

LineyReborn · 07/03/2016 22:57

Just give him all of your money.

novemberchild · 07/03/2016 23:00

Seems legit. What could possibly go wrong?

pishposhpash · 07/03/2016 23:05

But he won't be saving £200 a month better off though will he. Renting is not cheap, but neither is owning a house for which he'll have to pay out buildings insurance (the mortgagor will insist on this), solicitors fees, search fees, stamp duty. Then there's routine maintenance charges, general re-decoration, carpets he won't like, additional furniture to be bought ...... endless excuses why he'll have to defer payment.

The mortgage company now know his financial position. If he pays off his credit card loan, leaving him £2k, and then miraculously has £20 - 25k deposit, they will query where this came from. They will not allow this to be a loan and will insist that you provide them with a letter stating that the money is a gift to him.

You can't protect your savings.

And what happens if interest rates should go up?

Think very very carefully. He's racked up £8k credit card bill because the interest rates are 0%. If he's been thinking of buying a house, why hasn't he been saving for a deposit instead?

Choceclair123 · 07/03/2016 23:06

I'm having trouble understanding how someone (OP) who seems to be so well set up financially, can't see what a stupid idea it is to "lend" her money to her partner! Won't be long before she's back on here crying...

dodobookends · 07/03/2016 23:12

To rack up £60k in credit card debts, you would have to be spectacularly shit with money, sorry. Don't lend him yours.

If he's managed to pay back £52k of it so far, AND is renting a 3-bedroomed house, AND has savings of £10k, AND recently changed his car, AND has a new job earning £50k a year, then he doesn't actually need to take borrow your money. He should pay back his credit card loan out of his £10k and then start saving for a deposit.

By the way, people who have run up huge debts in the past and managed (mostly) to pay them back usually have a much better credit rating than people who have always saved up to buy things and have never really needed to take out many loans / credit cards.

lorelei9 · 07/03/2016 23:12

I'm going to take a guess here OP
Did you inherit yiur house? Or get it as part of a divorce settlement maybe?

Only asking because I'm also a bit unsure how much you know about buying...pish is quite right re mortgage, loan, gift etc

Also just the general madness of wanting to "loan" someone money in this situation and wanting to "help"... Often a well meaning gesture from someone who has benefitted from generosity themselves.

Yohoodlum · 07/03/2016 23:20

He could ask his parents to get him a loan..... It's immaterial if they are pensioners or not.

.... Or perhaps there's a reason they don't won't to lend him any money???

dodobookends · 07/03/2016 23:25

Why has he decided to buy a house now? He doesn't have to buy a house at all.

He already has somewhere to live near his children, a well-paid job, and the possibility that he may have to move again in a few years' time to either move in with you, or to be nearer his children's next school.

Not logical.

Paddletonio · 07/03/2016 23:52

Mind boggling

I wouldn't even consider this mad plan for a minute

Fiona80 · 08/03/2016 01:35

^ I was going to suggest this, if you really want to help then share the mortgage, no other way about it.

Fishface77 · 08/03/2016 06:55

I wonder what you'll tell your kids in a few years time op?
That you GAVE all your money to a shyster? That's there's nothing left for them as you weren't thinking with your brain?
He will ask you to marry him. Your a damn good catch. You might as well give him your savings and you house now.
People like you frustrate me. It's like you've come in here wanting us to say yep do it. Sounds like a great idea!
The very fact that you've come on here means you have doubts. Listen to them. And listen to mumsnet. I've read brilliant advice on here.
A unanimous thread that says don't give the money....well all the posters can't be wrong.

MartinaJ · 08/03/2016 07:07

You'd be totally, absolutely, 1000% and magnificently BU if you lent him the money. He earns more yet he accumulated a rather significant debt and he's expecting you to give him money so he can buy a house where you'll potentially never live. He's definitely not a keeper.

Baconyum · 08/03/2016 07:15

Plain stupid to have more in savings than you owe for starters - basic financial incompetency right there!

“I think it would be a pretty longtail scam to be in a relationship with me for this long just to get money off me!” Er...have you missed in tons of magazines, newspapers, TV shows people who've ended up MARRIED to the person who's conned them out of £100,000’s only to find out they didn't even know their real name? My best friend was in this situation and 15 years later still has the shit credit to show for it!

www.google.co.uk/search?q=conned+out+of+thoudands+by+my+lover&oq=conned+out+of+thoudands+by+my+lover&aqs=chrome..69i57.12284j0j4&client=tablet-android-pega&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
“He didn't have a formal probationary period with the job, so no issues there.” wrong even if he's telling the truth, this suggests his job is even LESS secure not more!

“I know a lot more about his financial position than he does mine, in fairness!” No you only ‘know’ what he's chosen to tell you! Ask to see his credit reports? Bank statements? At the VERY LEAST before even considering this - which I think you would be crazy to do!

“Like I said, there's no issue with him being lent money. It's just that he can't borrow enough (I think someone said upthread about having to have 10% deposit) to be able to buy a house.” Which means the banks etc who are experts have looked at his finances without your rose tinted relationship glasses and seen HE CAN'T AFFORD TO REPAY IT!

Also there's no such thing as ‘a credit rating’ there are multiple credit reports held on each of us with different companies which record different information. Some credit report agencies are more trustworthy than others. Who's report on him did you ‘see’?

60k is not ‘a bit beyond his means’ that's massive financial irresponsibility!

DoreenLethal · 08/03/2016 07:23

At the very base level; the financial body have rules and regulations and are qualified to spot a potential issue; so if they are protecting themselves why do you think you would be better at getting the money back if it goes pear shaped? When they have the whole legal system behind them?

If he can't afford it he can't afford it and will have to rent until he can. Just like the rest of us minions.

OhShutUpThomas · 08/03/2016 07:30

NOT troll hunting - but there are a few things in genuinely confused about.

How does someone earning less than £50k buy a large house, accrue £400k in equity, and have £33k in savings?

Does he have £10k savings or £2k?

How does someone on minimum wage get £60k worth of credit on a credit card? Shock

How has he paid back £52k whilst having so much car trouble and retraining?

Did he have a mortgage with his ex or not?

I can't really get my head around this. Thanks!

Fedup21 · 08/03/2016 07:39

How does someone earning less than £50k buy a large house, accrue £400k in equity, and have £33k in savings?

I was wondering this. Was it a home your husband/parents left you? Or was your salary in the past significantly more?

I think you are being desperately naive. Is he younger than you?

VulcanWoman · 08/03/2016 07:42

Are you sure he actually got this great job at the beginning of the year.

Hissy · 08/03/2016 07:44

What would I get out of it? Helping another person. The money at present isn't doing much, I get a miniscule amount of interest. I don't need it imminently.

You would never, EVER see it again.

Let him dig himself out. He knows what you are worth. He's playing the waiting game.

You have NO idea what people would do for a fraction of the cash you have.... Let alone the equity.

Don't do this. Support him emotionally of course, but that's it.

KinkyAfro · 08/03/2016 07:51

I'd be interested to see how long he sticks around if you say no.....

VulcanWoman · 08/03/2016 07:53

Another thing, why would he have credit card debt if he's got savings, surely a person would pay off their credit card in full each month unless they hadn't actually got any money to do this, that's what I do, unless I'm doing something wrong here. Martin Lewis advises this anyway.

firesidechat · 08/03/2016 07:58

I'm not going to comment on the lending money part of this because it's been well and truly covered by all the other posts. It is 100% agreement isn't it? Amazing.

How could you be with someone who has said he will disinherit his children and leave it all to a girlfriend of 2 years? I don't care how much money they are supposedly getting from other sources, it's the principal of the thing. A lot of hurt is caused in the aftermath of a death and subsequently who is left what. I know that children don't have a right to their parent's money (neither my husband or I will inherit anything from our parents), but even if it's £10, I wouldn't leave my estate to anyone other than my own children because I wouldn't want them to ever question how important they are/were to me.

Not to mention how easy it is to change a will. It all sounds like bullshit to me.

firesidechat · 08/03/2016 08:02

Literally none of this adds up.

gentlydownthestreammm · 08/03/2016 08:11

I don't think the general principal of lending money to a DP is always bad. However I wouldnt lend money to someone who had racked up that much credit card debt, even if they had managed to pay some of it back.

Conflictedkate · 08/03/2016 08:12

Oh my....this is a disaster waiting to happen! Can't believe he even had the gall to put this idea to you! I earn about the same amount and there's no way i could afford to service a 200k mortgage and run a 3 bedroom house, pay £700 child support and repay 25k of credit card debt.

It's not your problem to solve! Don't even consider this. He needs to pay off the 8k debt, close all those credit cards down and tighten his belt to save s deposit - like everyone else

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