DM doesn't help me practically with DCs

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

Just that really:-

I am single-parent, DM encouraged me to get rid of my EX, which she was right to do as he treated me abysmally.

I've been in bed with the flu all weekend. No offer of help. However, she's very keen to come down and celebrate DCs b'day which is coming up soon, she wants to go out for dinner.

DM did look after DCs recently as I had an something really important to do. It only took about an hour and when I called to say I was finished, she was desperate for me to come home and wanted to go out for lunch - it was after 2 by then so she should have fed them something already anyway. As soon as we'd eaten she went home. I would have preferred either some time to myself or help with washing or gardening or ANYTHING.

When I mentioned needing help with childcare on the two days that school will be closed for elections, she changed the subject.

It seems she only wants to be there for the good times. She was like this when I was growing up, crap parent, but very keen to parade us about on ceremony.

AIBU?

Yes Kstenka and Katharina, your views are how I'd see the issue as well. I just can't imagine being so demanding as some of tbe posters here

The argument about 'well if they need care when they are old they don't deserve it' is flawed. Because they already brought their own children up.

I completely agree, and a thankless task it seems to have been for many of them.

You are wasting your breath fog, the entitled attitudes on this thread are astounding!

I hope to god my daughters don't grow up with such a 'woe is me, I've had children so you have to help me mum!' attitude, or they will be incredibly disappointed! I'll do what I want to do and what I can do to help, but I certainly won't be beholden to them!

OohMavis

I don't think you have a skewed view at all. I agree with you, and I am lucky enough to have had a good childhood, with a mum and dad that I appreciate all the more since I've had children.

I don't expect their help and care, but it's there and it's an extension of their love for me.

Grrrr!

OP, your mother went through nine months of pregnancy to bring you into the world, fed, clothed and cleaned up after you for I don't know how many years, finding the money to do so and spending it on you. It she is naturally lazy or not that into children, then it was even a lot harder for her. However according to you and some other posters on here, she owes you.

As for all this stuff about other cultures, where the grandparents are so helpful, other cultures also respect their parents.

It does not always come naturally to look after children. I find looking after my grandchild a completely different kettle of fish to looking after my own child.

And lastly, but not least, why are grandfathers never criticised on these types of threads. Why is it that only grandmothers are the baddies for not being at the beck and call of their daughters?

Well said Atenco!

Same here:(
5 yr old dd said recently " nanna? Oh you mean the lady that brings us sweets " says it all...

So she looked after your children but then wanted to go out for lunch and you would have preferred her to do the laundry as well?! YABU, she's your mother not your maid. She might have wanted to actually spend some time together as a family after providing childcare, not work through your household chores. I think you will get on better if you see the help she provides you as the favour it is instead of automatically expecting it. If you think she was such a "crap parent" why would you want her to look after your DC anyway as you clearly don't think she's good enough?! I suspect that your attitude is a factor in her not wanting to do more for you. It doesn't seem as if you generally like her but would just like a bit more practical help from her, it comes across like you really resent her for your childhood and think she owes you and should be making up for it with your DC. I wouldn't want to do favours for someone who didn't seem to like me or want to spend time with me either!

YABU, she's your mother not your maid.

Exactly

Still at the entitlement here.

Gosh, you're getting a hard time on here.

Do families not help each other out when life is difficult?

There's a difference between feeling entitled to help, and feeling hurt that help is not forthcoming, which some people are failing to grasp (deliberately, I expect).

I understood that the op was hoping that her Mum would mind the kids while she did a few chores, rather than expecting her Mum to do them?

OP, I would just stop expecting any support from your Mum, but I would also stop doing things on her terms, e.g. the going out for lunch when you don't really feel like it, and delaying feeding your kids to suit her.

theverything, the OP'S children are school aged; so should be perfectly capable of entertaining themselves whilst the OP does her housework!

Do families not help each other out when life is difficult?

Of course they do, but the tone of the OP, and some other posts in this thread, seem to expect help as a matter of course, and also read as quite sulky that help in exactly the way they want it, isn't offered.

Do families not help each other out when life is difficult?

Of course they do, and the OP's mother did help out, actually for twice as long as the OP claimed. And the OP did nothing to make her mum's job easier while she had the children, like prepare lunch.

Families also spend time together without feeling miffed that their parent wants to do that (after they have helped out) rather than offer to do nothing but help out, ever, with no relationship at all. Families do not consider meeting up with each other to be a chore and they do not expect favours as a God-given right, especially from older family members who they don't even want to spend time with. Families do not begrudgingly feel that they've done each other a favour by simply being in their presence.

It's a mistake to think this thread is solely about what we can expect from our parents in the way of childcare. It is also about what our parents can expect from us in the way of relationship.