To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

[VioletVaccine]

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

You should definitely ask. Jenny could in fact be any combination of things in terms of her sexual preferences. She could be a lesbian, she might like boys or she may like nothing or both. Either way you're a concerned parent and I would ask privately.

My answer to the question I saw in the AIBU list was 'wherever they feel most comfortable'. Having read your OP, that has not changed! up, wherever they feel comfortable.

Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.

It sounds like she has a good solid accepting friendship group and your interference is not wanted or needed by anyone.

I think to start with, it isn't your place to question it as you are not directly affected. However, you can certainly offer your support if one of the parents of the girls sharing with Jenny either expresses concern or makes a complaint.

However, I think it is a perfectly valid concern if the rest of the children are being separated by sex. Either it is necessary to separate by sex or it isn't. Plenty of children have friends of the opposite sex and may wish to share rooms. Should that be allowed? If not, why not?

The issue of gay or lesbian pupils is irrelevant as we don't separate by sexual orientation. We do separate by sex. So either this is a valid process or it isn't.

Soapbox why isn't it her place? BEcause she doesn't have a DD? Of course it's her place...she's part of the school community.

And I say that as the parent of girls.

But you haven't explained why you think it concerns your child violet?

This is the second thread this weekend about a trans student and a residential trip. This one refers to a "M2F" student, the other to a "F2M" student (using same acronym) and both are about an OP's DS and a trip to Europe.

Coincidence?

The issue of gay or lesbian pupils is irrelevant as we don't separate by sexual orientation. We do separate by sex

If that is the case, Jenny would be sharing the dorm with three boys. This isn't what appears to be happening

Out of interest then for those that see no problem with this...would you be OK with this hypothetical situation.

Taking the trans issue out of matters. They go away, find that the boys dorm in smaller than they thought. So they just put one of the boys in with the girls for the duration?

Fine? Or as the mother of a dd, would you be unhappy with one of the boys sleeping in with them, trans issues aside.

Because realistically you have no idea about Jenny. The extent of her MTF journey so far could be wearing female clothes. She (hypothetically) still has a fully functioning penis, still has typical 14 year old boy raging testosterone, still is sexually attracted to other girls. You have no idea of her personality.

I would so not be fine with that, the more I think of it.

I would ask the question. I wouldn't be comfortable with my daughter sharing a room with a boy at 14.

If they wouldn't let Stephen, why would they let "Jenny"?

A trans child of either gender would be welcome to share with my children.

Also, whether you like it or not, trans children have protection in law and the protection does NOT hinge on taking medication or having surgery.

EvilTwins no, not a coincidence. If you see my second post on this thread, I clarified that I posted this on a different thread just an hour ago.

But why are people assuming this trans teen wants to impregnate someone, my mind is blown

This 100%.

I think the OP is underestimating Jenny and her friends I've the kids in this situation. Not suggesting it would be appropriate to have free for all sleeping arrangements per se FFS.

YY Twins But yesterday's thread the child was to stay with the OP's DS.

Hmmm...

But didn't want to derail a thread with my question, so started this.

Poor Jenny, and Jenny's parents.

gendermom.wordpress.com/2014/11/08/my-child-is-not-a-predator/

It's not OK to express because you're implying this poor 14 year old kid is some kind of sexual predator or pervert who will take advantage of the "real" girls in the dorm room. You could just be oblivious to the implications you're pushing, but it seems far likelier you know exactly what you're saying.

TheSpottedZebra I think these are two separate threads. I posted my identical question on "Male transgender, male prison", around an hour ago.

we have separate hospital wards, separate prisons, separate bathrooms, military housing, and so on.
Why should it be different in a school?

I don't think this is a good comparison. In those examples you're talking about people who are strangers - or at least initially strangers - sharing the same space. This trip is going to involve a group of school friends and peers - i'm assuming most or all will know about Jenny's transition? And obviously will know her. I do think it's different.

If she has close friendships with some of the girls then why shouldn't they share? If the other girls are happy I really don't see the issue.

It is important to have a consistent approach within a school as that is when problems emerge, these situations might arise again.

It does matter. Surely jenny should not be sharing with girls, but it would be equally hard for her to share with boys too. That in my opinion should also apply to openly gay pupils. This should apply to pupils up to 18 .

It must be heartbreaking for anyone in the situation of Jenny to read this kind of thread. That feeling of never belonging must be really dreadful.

Even if you do ask the school, you are likely to be told the trip has been thoroughly risk assessed and that the school is not allowed to discuss the risk assessment of another student.

This is a common trope, that trans people are sexual predators. It is transphobia and has led to real violence and even murder. It's not a neutral idea, and it's not OK. We shouldn't still be having these conversations in 2016.

I agree Imperial.

I feel very sorry for Jenny.

I teach a trans student. He spent up to yr 11 as a girl. The pain and misery he went through in yr 11 (I was the form tutor) was unbelievable. We didn't know what the issue was, we just knew it was something. He cocked up his GCSEs but is now a boy and in the 6th form and doing well. His friends have accepted his identity and as a school we are supporting him in every way we can and he has blossomed. I would hate to think that this kind of discussion is going on behind his back.

I had a trans girl in my class during the last year of school. She usually got kept separate from both boys and girls for sleeping arrangements on trips, changing for PE etc.