To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

[VioletVaccine]

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

It's no different to your son sleeping in the same room as a gay boy... I don't get it, the girl is a friend to the other girls, I don't see the problem

To those who raise the lesbian/ gay examples, as we all know a gay male cannot impregnate another male. Likewise a lesbian girl cannot impregnate another girl. But the trans male to female child could. This is why I think it's totally valid for the OP to have concerns about this. I would.

So will Jenny be in a room with just her best friends?

I was thinking if it was one dorm then it could be awkward if not all the girls see/accept Jenny as a girl iyswim.

I think that you can't say anything though Op.

I'm lost.

You've made out that it's an 'male' ie older. It's a 14 year old boy?

I'm sure if two 14 year olds wanted to have sex on a school trip they would do it regardless of sharing rooms?

Or if a pupil attacked another it could be done anywhere.

I'm guessing that's what your worried about?

i think this is exactly the sort of situation that needs to be dealt with if i was dealing with it then jenny would be in a single room as it's unquestionably the best thing to do under the circumstances

my dds friend is gay he goes camping with his friends none of whom are gay this is not an issue however he would not be allowed to share a tent with another openly gay child on school property though same as the girls no openly gay girls are permitted to share straight/gay combos are allowed but not couples regardless of sexual orientation or gender

over 16 different story under 16 the school has the responsibility to not allow/condone sexual activity the law is the law no sex under age

I would leave it to the parents of the daughters to deal with, if they feel so moved. I think it's a bit sad that you would focus on the sexual side of this situation. It's a bit of an insult to all the kids involved.

No, I wouldn't be happy if I had a dd and wouldn't want her in the same dorm as Jenny.

In reality, I have ds's...and if there was a FTM trans pupil then I wouldn't want him in the same dorm as my ds's either.

What TurtlesNSharks said.

Why can't you just trust the school to handle it? Sounds like they've dealt with it pretty well so far.

It isn't affecting your child and I assume any parents of children affected have been reassured by the school.

Hmm

My friend's 16 year old daughter is FtoM transgender. On school trips he is accommodated in a single room to afford him privacy from both male and female friends. This was agreed by him, school and parents.
Most residential accommodation used by schools has a small number of single rooms to cater for children who need individual accommodation for a variety of reasons such as disability etc.
The number of transgender children in schools is increasing and schools are required to make provision for them, so this issue is likely to become more common in the near future.

None of your business is it?

But why are people assuming this trans teen wants to impregnate someone, my mind is blown...

Hang on you've got a DS?? Then is none of your business your just being nosey.

I'm not sure it is the same as a boy sleeping in a room with another boy who is gay. A very short list of things I would have talked about with girls but not boys at that age:

Bikini line hair
Periods
Boys
Weird bodily stuff
Eating disorders
My horrible upper arms

Privacy is not only about sex. It's also about comfort. I had bi- and lesbians friends and could talk to them about those things. I wouldn't have spoken to a boy about them.

I think it's a bit sad that you would focus on the sexual side of this situation. It's a bit of an insult to all the kids involved

In that case, they should take away a group of hormonally charged 14 year olds and just chuck them all in the same unsupervised dorm for the duration. Boys and girls all in together for a few nights.

Very modern thinking...can't see any problems with that at all

I'm bisexual. I guess that means on any school trips as a kid, I should have been made to sleep all alone, away from the potential to seduce others of both genders. One of my friends is a lesbian and we used to get together for sleepovers with female friends all the time - somehow she managed to control herself! Honestly this is a non-issue. Your child isn't even directly affected, you are just making a fuss for no reason. At that age they are way more likely to be embarrassed about that cuddly toy they still like to have around to fall asleep with, as to be some kind of sexual predators! Don't be so silly.

Isn't this all a bit identifying?

Even if Jenny is a lesbian, doesn't mean the other girls would have sex with her.

Difficult question.

My first reaction is if this was my DD I wouldn't be happy BUT then I thought more and actually other girls there could be gay, my daughter could be gay, this Jenny would in fact be quite vulnerable being placed with the males and realisticly if I was worried my DD might become pregnant on a school trip when sharing a room with all her friends I probably have bigger worries than that as its unlikely to be an isolated incident and could happen at any time.

As you have a son however I don't think it's up to you to deal with and I am sure the school have themselves thought this through seeing as they have already been making arrangements for toilets and changing.

this Jenny would in fact be quite vulnerable being placed with the males

How so? I'm not being narky, just curious.

No, I am asking mainly on the grander scale of things, this being the most pressing issue at present, as it concerns my child. Why is that not okay to express?

For the comfort, safety and welfare of everybody, we have separate hospital wards, separate prisons, separate bathrooms, military housing, and so on.
Why should it be different in a school?

God it must be hard to be Jenny. I hope she doesn't get to hear of any of this speculation

Probably the kids themselves are completely unfazed and see no problems. Many teens in a dorm would be likely to get changed or dressed in loos or when noone else was there,rather than strip in front of others, so I don't see a problem.