Dh accidentally hurting dcs

[Betternamenow]

Dh is apparently very clumsy/absent minded. In the last couple of weeks he has tripped and spilt boiling coffee on ds leg, fed him food that was so hot he screamed, went red in the face and drooled everywhere, and fed dd a too hot bottle that resulted in the same reaction (screaming etc)

The first two times it happened I said nothing, accidents happen and obviously he feels bad about it. Third time I had to say something, so it was something along the lines of, 'i know accidents happen but they keep happening to you. You need to be more careful ' He kicked off big time, which is unusual for him. Said I was accusing him (as if I think he's doing it on purpose!) and basically pretty much walked out of the house, leaving me trying to calm down 2 upset dc.

I think he could be more careful, and he needs to be paying more attention, check temperature more carefully etc. Was IBU to confront him over this? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

Mothers of new born who are sleep deprived and suffering sever depression on the whole tend to look after the vulnerable infants who depend on them for everything and keep them safe. The minority who don't do this tend to get ripped apart by the press.

I have really bad eyesight. If I cut a baby's nails or tried to pull out a splinter in bad light without glasses, I could cause some real damage. Would this be an accident, too? Of course it bloody wouldn't be, it would be my fault for not taking the precautions I should.

80schild
If you are able to anticipate these sorts of things it might help.

Is this a joke? Why is it OP's responsibility to "anticipate" her partners tiredness/stress which could impact on her children's safety?
That is not a rhetorical question. I would really love to know your answer.

Yep, that made my heart really sink too

If he's not taking advice about how to do it properly and doing it time and time again, then by definition he is doing it on purpose.
If this was my dh he'd be having nothing to do with the care of the children until he'd sorted it out.
Sorry, I'm not accusing him, but you have to keep your children safe and it's a bit weird he doesn't want to, too.

DH can be a bit like this. He is quite clumsy and can be absent minded. He struggles to tell when food is too hot or cold and has been known to wander out of the room thinking when DD is eating. He can also be a bit sensitive to criticism and it's possible he'd get very upset if called on it.

What he is not is neglectful, lazy or a bad parent! I intervene immediately in dangerous situations but find it much better to have a quiet word about it when everything is calm if it's a repeated thing. You did the right thing in speaking up though as your children's safety comes before his feelings. It's likely that he's aware it's not good enough and you've touched a nerve.

But if your dh is like this does the fear of God not grip you that if anything were to happen to you you'd be leaving them to the mercy of an incompetent parent?

ThePowerOfCake I intervene immediately in dangerous situations
Do you find yourself having to do this often?
it's possible he'd get very upset if called on it. Have you always been on hand to avert this, then?

If your partner can't be trusted to keep your children safe from harm when left alone with them, surely that's the DEFINITION of a bad parent?!?

I intervene immediately in dangerous situations

I assume you supervise your husband at all times then.

If he really can't tell then a probe thermometer might be helpful. Bottles should be about 37 degrees C and I guess similar for baby food.

Yanbu, the hot food is not clumsiness and needs to be addressed

But please ignore the idiots here who are accusing him of doing it deliberately - that's a disgusting thing to say

^^ oh please

I really cannot be bothered with the usual oh he's tired, oh he's stressed, or depressed, all the minimising crap

In a short space of time there have been THREE scalding incidents with a child. Yes I do believe the adult involved is doing it on purpose actually. & so would Social Services, who would rightly take a very keen interest if you landed in A&E with a scalded child 3 times

Sometimes these things are a compulsion. & also the thrill of being able to do something in plain sight without necessarily being caught. Hence the huge defensiveness when "almost" caught out.

What about hurt children, in the rush to explain away what we know is NOT right? Im sorry once is an accident, several times is purposeful cruelty.

fed him food that was so hot he screamed, went red in the face and drooled everywhere

^ Who does that? Heats food to a hot temperature for a child, there'd be steam coming off the food/drink.

You fucking cruel bastard. I hope you get caught out, which you will as one day you won't be able to keep it fairly low level to minimise risk to you, one of your DCs will land in A&E and then you'll see

Fucking hell! That sounds like a toddler being described not the child's other parent! So your husband can never be alone with his child thepower?

It seems really odd that he's had 3 incidents in one week?

Was he able to feed them without incident, last week?

It can be hard to know what's too hot for a kid. My niece freaked out and cried and had to have her hand run under cold water at Christmas when she touched a kidney bean that was lukewarm if not cold.

I think getting a thermometer sounds like a good solution to the problem of overheating food. The tripping was an accident and is hopefully unlikely to reoccur.

The op manages

It really doesnt take a brain scientist to work these things out, i was 17 when i had my first child, i knew nothing about babies, in fact nothing about nothing, but i made sure that baby never came to any harm.

My niece freaked out and cried and had to have her hand run under cold water at Christmas when she touched a kidney bean that was lukewarm if not cold.

She wasn't burnt by a lukewarm or cold kidney bean, though. That's impossible.

Do you have DC, Rhi? It's just sometimes parents do leap through some weird hoops to comfort their children. The child in this case wasn't burnt, they were upset, and the adult was comforting them in the way that the child wanted.

Babies are more sensitive to heat, so may react to food that is hotter than they are used to but not hot enough to scald or harm them.

He tested it, so I doubt it was steaming or actually boiling. I expect he will take more care now.

Stealth have you never accidentally hurt a child? Just today I stood on my son's fingers.

If dh had told me I should have been more careful I probably would have been pissed off because I know I should have been, and already felt bad.

Yes of course. To varying degrees , a handful of times in their lives. Just today I whipped ds in the face . I went to whip him on the bum with a blanket, as you do, and he sat down as I was mid whip. Lucky he wasn't actually hurt as I don't know how that would have gone down in a&e!

ducky what if you kept on stepping on his fingers? Would that be ok? Your Dh shouldn't say anything?

Indeed. You may have had people saying you were an incompetent parent!

Of course he should say something. As I said in my earlier post.