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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day cards for Step-mums

267 replies

Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 18:50

I don't know if IABU or just hurt.

My older 2 DC came home from their dads early today with chocolates and flowers and cooked a roast dinner for me which was really really lovely.

DS2 has a different dad and was also at his this weekend - he asked me for a tenner to buy me a Mother's Day gift.

Today he has come back late because he's been out for a meal with his dad and stepmum and brother (DS2 is 14 - his dad and I split up when I was pg as he was shagging his now step mum - I am over this clearly but did not want to drip feed).

He gave me a box of chocolates I don't really like and said he also gave his step mum a card and gift.

This really really pisses me off. Firstly because she is not his mum, I am, I gave birth to him and bar EOW I have brought him up alone. Secondly It seems I have also bought her a fucking gift (my chocolates had the price tag on they were a fiver).

I feel really pissed off and unappreciated by his dad that he can't be arsed to organise something with DS2.

I am a step mum myself and we sent her flowers and I would think it really really weird and inappropriate if my step daughters gave me a Mother's Day card - because I am not their mother and there is no vacancy to fill here.

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 06/03/2016 22:15

Yes mrs wigster ... 14 YEARS AGO! Time to move on!

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:15

Omg I am not angry or bitter! I have been married and divorced since him and am with my OH now.

I just feel pissed off I effectively bought this bloody woman a card and was made less of a fuss of than her on Mothers Day being his mother and all.

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 06/03/2016 22:16

I do not resent their relationship.

You are doing a good impression of someone that does tbf.

neonrainbow · 06/03/2016 22:16

Did you tell your son he was only supposed to spend the money on you?

Zariyah · 06/03/2016 22:17

I might be reading this all wrong and genuine apologies if I am but it sounds like you resent your son for making a fuss of his stepmother when it's his own choice?! Unless he's being forced into it?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:17

I vented here rather than at anyone else.

I RL I smile and nod like a good girl Smile

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/03/2016 22:17

So it's impossible for teens to appreciate two women who have a mothering role in their lives then MrsWigster? The son wasn't even born when his dad split up with his mum. That's obviously a really hard thing for the op to deal with but the son has never known any different and it's entirely possible he doesn't feel any animosity towards his step mum for her role in the break up.

Mooseygoose · 06/03/2016 22:18

So you would be fine if your ds had bought you the chocolates and spent the rest of his money on something for himself and his dad gave him £20 to spend on his step mum?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:19

And yes I make many many sacrifices for my DSC (regularly drive a 300 mile round trip to collect them).

I respect their mum though and I know she would be really upset if they gave me a card on mothers day because I am not their mum.

OP posts:
MrsWigster1991 · 06/03/2016 22:21

If he wanted to get his SM a present his dad should have paid not his own Mother!
The OP probably feels second best. I doubt the SM has done her fair share of mothering when she's been seeing him EOW.

PurpleDaisies · 06/03/2016 22:22

What does EOW mean?

Funinthesun15 · 06/03/2016 22:23

I respect their mum

Are you saying that if DSC get their DSM a card, then the SM doesn't respect the DSC mum... wow

MrsWigster1991 · 06/03/2016 22:23

Every other weekend

Choceclair123 · 06/03/2016 22:24

YANBU. I would hate the home wrecking bitch too.

neonrainbow · 06/03/2016 22:26

Nobody told the boy when buying cards that hes meant to rank in order of importance and based on who does the most for him based in order of percentage of time.

He just wanted to do something nice for both his mum and stepmum. It seens a lot of other people don't see a problem with that. We are taking about the difference of a few quid. Really not worth getting upset over.

PurpleDaisies · 06/03/2016 22:26

I doubt the SM has done her fair share of mothering when she's been seeing him EOW.

What are you defining as her "fair share of mothering"?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:26

Yeah I am saying that - because I did not carry them for 9 months and give birth to them and yes I think it would be bloody disrespectful to her.

They make me beautiful Christmas presents and birthday presents and cards but Mother's Day is for their mum.

OP posts:
Mooseygoose · 06/03/2016 22:26

Op you should write to Hallmark and the rest of the card manafactures to let them know they are doing Mother's Day all wrong by selling gran, auntie, step mum and general happy Mother's Day cards.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 06/03/2016 22:28

Yeah I am saying that

So every SM that got a card today is disrespectful then Hmm

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:28

It's just commercialised crap - why on earth would you send your Auntie a Mother's Day card?! (Unless she has brought you up?)

It's like kids sending their parents valentines cards it's tacky.'

OP posts:
Thisisnotausername · 06/03/2016 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:30

I said I would feel if my DSC gave me a card I would feel disrespectful to their mum who brings them up.

Not every step mum in the world because everyone's situation is different Smile

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 06/03/2016 22:31

When families evolve, there is no point fighting against it, even if it makes you grind your teeth. Families change, progress, evolve. Children can have more than two parents, and many families now have four, where both parents have remarried. It's normal, and adapting to the new dynamic is part of life.

Your children recognizing the supportive role another woman has had in their lives doesn't mean they love you less.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 06/03/2016 22:32

I don't think he loves me less - I just don't want my kids giving anyone other than me a Mother's Day card - I really do not think that makes me an evil unreasonable cow Smile

OP posts:
Mooseygoose · 06/03/2016 22:33

If it's just commercialised crap get over it op you are being ridiculous. quite frankly you should be happy for your ds that he has a good relationship with his step mother. You may have given birth to him but he has a right to have a relationship with other people it's really not all about you!