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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To demand my money back, complain or something?

154 replies

Leta86 · 06/03/2016 16:48

So, I'm blessed with an amazing MIL, who had a really tough winter with PIL being poorly, in and out of the hospital, even touch and go at one moment. To treat her, DP and I decided to take her to this venue for Mother's day, really excellent ratings, but also $$$. We saved for a bit, skipped a visit to my parents (another country) and finally managed it. The look on her face when we told her made it all worthwile in itself, cos she wanted to go there for years, she even got her hair done for it yesterday!
Anyway, we trooped in at the set time and even got the window table, MIL was on cloud number 9. The entrees were a bliss, but the another family got sat next to us.
The man, who was the presumed head of the family was an extremely loud, rude, obnoxious and rude, to the point of telling everyone where to sit, what to order and making himself a nightmare to the staff. On the end of the table was this frail little granny, obviously near 100, very scared and dementef. I'm quite certain she had absolutely no idea where she was, kept whimpering and appeared scared witless whenever the waitress adressed her. I don't think her son/grandson or whatever saw her more than once or twice per year as his wife kept hissing at him that she doesn't remembef this or has had done that. That was alll still bearable, until the gran (I don't blame her) got her food and this ended all over and around her face, clothes and wheelchair... at which point the man started actually berating her like a toddler... we were absolutelly shocked! And on top of that, just before we got our main course, the gran made a very full use of what I hope was her diaper. The stench was unbeliveable!!! We took one look at eacb other, got up and left, eve if everything was pre-paid. Ended up having toasties in local costa. I was absolutely fuming and so so sorry for my MIL, who had dissapointment written all over her face! I am still raging while I'm writing this!!!

OP posts:
Zariyah · 07/03/2016 19:25

TheBouquets Do you work in adult safeguarding any context? You don't sound like it. There is legal threshold that the alleged abuse must meet.

ravenAK · 07/03/2016 19:51

This does sound like a family who made an ill judged decision to take grandma out for a lovely lunch, having not spent enough time with her recently & not realising that she would be too confused to enjoy it, & would in fact be distressed & unhappy.

Blustery shouty man sounds unpleasant, yes.

From OP's POV (& as an ex-restauranter) I agree with SpaceDinosaur that the restaurant won't be surprised to get a call. If it's an upscale venue that trades on its reputation there is every chance they'd rather offer you a free meal - & butter you up outrageously when you turn up - than have you regaling your entire social circle with this story & putting them off!

It's the perfect opportunity for them to turn a negative impression into a positive one - if you left because the food or service was awful, you might take some winning over - but you & they know it wasn't actually 'their fault' so offering a goodwill gesture might be well worth their while.

shinynewusername · 07/03/2016 19:53

Do you work in adult safeguarding any context? You don't sound like it. There is legal threshold that the alleged abuse must meet

Only for action against the family's will. In many cases, families will accept offers of support, even if they originate from a safeguarding referral.

TheBouquets · 08/03/2016 11:27

I do not work in anything to do with elder abuse. Unfortunately I have seen more elderly abuse than is right and how it spreads out to affect other family members. I wish it would not be so but human nature is a strange thing. This whole post is about an elderly lady being taken out by family including a shouting man who seems to be overbearing even to staff at the venue. Some think he might be stressed. Stress does not give anyone an excuse to ruin the day for lots of strangers as well as their own relative the old lady. It has ruined a day for some prestigious venue but the shouty man must be obeyed it would seem. This is why some people actually think they are entitled to behave obnoxiously regardless of other and thereby creating an abusive person

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