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AIBU?

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Original poster

To demand my money back, complain or something?

154 replies

Leta86 · 06/03/2016 16:48

So, I'm blessed with an amazing MIL, who had a really tough winter with PIL being poorly, in and out of the hospital, even touch and go at one moment. To treat her, DP and I decided to take her to this venue for Mother's day, really excellent ratings, but also $$$. We saved for a bit, skipped a visit to my parents (another country) and finally managed it. The look on her face when we told her made it all worthwile in itself, cos she wanted to go there for years, she even got her hair done for it yesterday!
Anyway, we trooped in at the set time and even got the window table, MIL was on cloud number 9. The entrees were a bliss, but the another family got sat next to us.
The man, who was the presumed head of the family was an extremely loud, rude, obnoxious and rude, to the point of telling everyone where to sit, what to order and making himself a nightmare to the staff. On the end of the table was this frail little granny, obviously near 100, very scared and dementef. I'm quite certain she had absolutely no idea where she was, kept whimpering and appeared scared witless whenever the waitress adressed her. I don't think her son/grandson or whatever saw her more than once or twice per year as his wife kept hissing at him that she doesn't remembef this or has had done that. That was alll still bearable, until the gran (I don't blame her) got her food and this ended all over and around her face, clothes and wheelchair... at which point the man started actually berating her like a toddler... we were absolutelly shocked! And on top of that, just before we got our main course, the gran made a very full use of what I hope was her diaper. The stench was unbeliveable!!! We took one look at eacb other, got up and left, eve if everything was pre-paid. Ended up having toasties in local costa. I was absolutely fuming and so so sorry for my MIL, who had dissapointment written all over her face! I am still raging while I'm writing this!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Leta86 · 06/03/2016 17:15

No, I absolutely agree the old lady should have been treated MUCH MUCH better.... I'm having moments considering calling social services, but for whom when I haven't got the names?
And I agree we probably forfeited the clmpensation by leaving, but it was rwally impossible to stay there. Bear with me, I'm just very angry and dissapointed at the moment, I had to vent somewhere...

OP posts:
phequer · 06/03/2016 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/03/2016 17:18

Poor lady.

I don't see that there's any grounds on which you could be refunded as you didn't give the restaurant the chance to sort things out. Although I understand that, for example, asking to be moved on a packed Mothers Day seems like a pointless thing to do, they could have sorted something out for you. Getting up and leaving wasn't a constructive approach, unfortunately.

expatinscotland · 06/03/2016 17:18

I'd have spoken to the staff first.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/03/2016 17:18

But I am sorry your treat was ruined.

Original poster
Leta86 · 06/03/2016 17:20

I'm not blaming the old lady... I understand there was nothing she could have done about it. And I am honestly concerned about her wellbeing... just it all seems so unfair to my MIL....

OP posts:
RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 17:20

Op is not blaming the poor lady that's obvious. Op just call or email them describing your situation and see what they say.

Dontspeak16 · 06/03/2016 17:22

You have nothing to lose by writing and complaining, you might get a voucher as a goodwill gesture.

wannabetennisplayer · 06/03/2016 17:24

I don't think you can demand your money back as it wasn't their fault and they didn't have the opportunity to rectify it - but if you write to them, they might give you a voucher or another meal as a goodwill gesture.

bumblefeline · 06/03/2016 17:24

I guess you could email your disappointment to them and mention it was to busy to speak to the staff at time, they may send you a voucher or something to go again.

How horrible for the old lady though, and I can understand your disappointment.

chillycurtains · 06/03/2016 17:34

It sounds like a terrible situation for everyone; the waiting staff, the old lady, the other diners, yourselves and your MIL.

There is no reason not to complain. The restaurant could not have done much on the day and understandably you would not have wanted to make the old lady feel worse about herself or her condition so it would not have helped by complaining at the time. I am puzzled as to how you left the restaurant without eating your meal yet the staff did not question you at the time? That seems a bit odd.

I would write or ring up and speak with a manager as they may offer an alternative date for dining there again or a voucher.

AntiHop · 06/03/2016 17:40

I would be a worried about the woman's welfare too. Was it in a small town where it is likely that they were local? You could discuss your concerns with the manager. They may have the family's details from the booking and could talk to social services themselves. You could also ask 101 for advice on how to raise concerns when you don't know who they are.

RubbleBubble00 · 06/03/2016 17:40

I'd be back down there ASAP and complain to management. Explain you left as mil didn't want the upset and spoil her day any more. I would be asking for another meal at the restaurants expense - if you don't ask you don't get.

phequer · 06/03/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katenka · 06/03/2016 17:47

What did you want the staff to do?

Tell the man he should speak to his family like that?

Tell them to change the old lady?

Had people have actually had a word with staff, I may be could see your point.

But you got up and left. Yes it's not fair on you mil. But when you go to a public place, you have to be around the public. Which includes dickheads.

I would never expect a restaurant to tell someone they shouldn't be rude to their family.

Greyponcho · 06/03/2016 17:48

Honestly, what could the restaurant do about it?
You didn't give the staff the chance as you left.
Was there not a bar where you could've hid for a while until they found you another table or disposed of the unpleasant family?
Poor woman.

Not you, OP, the old lady and to some degree your MIL having to leave without any effort made to stay

Original poster
Leta86 · 06/03/2016 17:51

DP is going to email the restaurant as he booked it.

phequer, I'm sorry if it came across like that, but I do not blame the old lady. I was very upset when I was typing it, so maybe I fumed away at the keyboard. I am very aware she was probably quite unaware of it and there was absolutely nothing she could have done about it. I was only explaining why we left. If anything, I only blame the family for putting the lady through what was obviously too much for her and not taking her needs and abilities into consideration before making her go through this ordeal.

OP posts:
StableYard · 06/03/2016 17:52

So what did the old lady's family do when she had open her bowels? Did they appear to have noticed?

blaeberry · 06/03/2016 17:53

I would phone up and speak to the venue. They would have wanted everyone to have had a good day and you didn't. They should have asked the obnoxious customer to leave as he was spoiling it for everyone both with his behaviour and with failing to provide appropriate care for the granny. It is unfortunate that the rest of that family would also have had to leave but that would have been the sons fault. Maybe ask for a replacement meal?

LeaLeander · 06/03/2016 17:55

It WAS the restaurant's fault as they allowed a loud, obnoxious, disruptive group to blight other patrons' experience. The diaper issue was merely the icing on the cake -- so to speak

They should have refunded that group it's money and removed them from the premises. Since they didn't and your experience was ruined you definitely should call and request a refund or future comped meal.

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 17:56

Phequer, how else could op have described it so that we knew exactly what had happened? Unfortunately it was an important part of why she had to leave. She has made it clear numerous times that she feels really bad for the lady. i can't imagine a single person that wouldn't feel bad for her but, at the same time really sad because a very expensive, much anticipated treat had been ruined.

Original poster
Leta86 · 06/03/2016 17:56

Nope, not a single finger was moved to get her someone to alleviate the situation. The main waitress approached them as we got up to leave but the son started shouting at the waitress, demanding to be left alone Hmm ...
I don't know what happened later.

Ok, so no complaining/demanding repayment... got it... will know better next time.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 06/03/2016 17:57

If it's a place worth their salt and trading highly on brand/reputation, they'll hopefully compensate you with a voucher - threaten Twitter otherwise.

And sorry you had a bad day. I genuinely hope the lady is OK, but also that you might laugh at this in years to come.

MaidOfStars · 06/03/2016 17:58

Oh no, I would definitely complain. You won't be the only one and a restaurant isn't just offering a food experience, it's offering an ambience exoerience as well.

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 17:58

Op, I look after an elderly relative with dementia and am acutely aware of how difficult it can be when we go out, for her and others. I'd never put her or other people in the situation you describe.