Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To demand my money back, complain or something?

154 replies

Leta86 · 06/03/2016 16:48

So, I'm blessed with an amazing MIL, who had a really tough winter with PIL being poorly, in and out of the hospital, even touch and go at one moment. To treat her, DP and I decided to take her to this venue for Mother's day, really excellent ratings, but also $$$. We saved for a bit, skipped a visit to my parents (another country) and finally managed it. The look on her face when we told her made it all worthwile in itself, cos she wanted to go there for years, she even got her hair done for it yesterday!
Anyway, we trooped in at the set time and even got the window table, MIL was on cloud number 9. The entrees were a bliss, but the another family got sat next to us.
The man, who was the presumed head of the family was an extremely loud, rude, obnoxious and rude, to the point of telling everyone where to sit, what to order and making himself a nightmare to the staff. On the end of the table was this frail little granny, obviously near 100, very scared and dementef. I'm quite certain she had absolutely no idea where she was, kept whimpering and appeared scared witless whenever the waitress adressed her. I don't think her son/grandson or whatever saw her more than once or twice per year as his wife kept hissing at him that she doesn't remembef this or has had done that. That was alll still bearable, until the gran (I don't blame her) got her food and this ended all over and around her face, clothes and wheelchair... at which point the man started actually berating her like a toddler... we were absolutelly shocked! And on top of that, just before we got our main course, the gran made a very full use of what I hope was her diaper. The stench was unbeliveable!!! We took one look at eacb other, got up and left, eve if everything was pre-paid. Ended up having toasties in local costa. I was absolutely fuming and so so sorry for my MIL, who had dissapointment written all over her face! I am still raging while I'm writing this!!!

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 06/03/2016 17:58

Kate ja, people pay for ambience as well as food when they done out. It is the responsibility of the management to maintain the expected ambience and yes, admonish patrons / ask them to leave if that's what it takes. And refund anyone who didn't get what they paid for which includes a pleasant, festive atmosphere on Mothers Day.

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 18:01

Completely agree LeaLander.

shinynewusername · 06/03/2016 18:01

Sorry but they ought to have spoken to the man in question and controlled the situation. It's not ok just to say "it's not their fault". I've been in the cinema when people were being disruptive, staff stepped in and sorted it out, similarly in pubs and restaurants

Agree.

Katenka · 06/03/2016 18:03

lea I agree to a point. But what annoys someone else (ie the man attitude) is a matter of opinion.

It's not for restaurant staff to tell people how they should speak. Ask him to keep it down, yes. But thy will only do that if people actually complain.

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 18:09

I think it's fairly obvious from op's description that lots of people were bothered by this man. It doesn't sound like a subtle situation!

LIZS · 06/03/2016 18:13

If they were aware of the impact it had had on other diners they may be willing to offer a discount against another meal, even if you weren't vocal at the time. Had you left contact details when you booked? How did you excuse yourselves?

SilverBirchWithout · 06/03/2016 18:18

There is no harm in making a politely worded complaint. Explain to them what a special planned treat it had been for you and your MIL and how very disappointed you all were how things turned out. Perhaps mention that you do realise the staff were in a very difficult situation but wonder whether they offer any form of refund or even a revisit to help alleviate your MIL's disappointment.

Any restaurant with a reputation for great service would welcome an opportunity to offer their customers some form of refund or voucher to maintain goodwill.

Wombat87 · 06/03/2016 18:20

I would complain and I don't know why others are telling you not too. A polite phone call tomorrow explaining and asking to speak to a manager would be more than fine.

If they asked why didn't you speak to them that day? Because they were busy and you didn't want to put more pressure on what must have been stressed out staff in an uncomfortable situation.

Sorry, but if I'd paid a lot of money for something and an experience for someone else I would have to say something. If you didn't finish your meal and left, ask if they'll have you back for afternoon tea instead if they won't reimburse/offer the same.

Definitely don't just lose your hard earned money or the opportunity to spoil your MIL.

Yohoodlum · 06/03/2016 18:28

You should definitely contact the restaurant. It was t their 'fault' but it wasn't yours either! I would ask for a refund.

BTW Your OP read just fine and it didn't sound like you were blaming the old lady at all. Not sure why other posters read it like that.

shinynewusername · 06/03/2016 18:29

If they asked why didn't you speak to them that day? Because they were busy and you didn't want to put more pressure on what must have been stressed out staff in an uncomfortable situation

Plus it would have been really awkward to complain with the poor grandmother and the awful man's wife (poor woman Sad) there.

Jessbow · 06/03/2016 18:44

What do you want to report to social services? the way they spoke to her, the way they left her soiled ( were there accessible loo's?) The fact that they didn't drag her away from the table to change her and leave leave what might be her last mothers day outing?
The mess she was allowed to make enjoying her lunch? Would you have rather she was spoon fed...like a toddler?
What would you report them for?

I'd give a million pounds to have had my mother out for lunch today, dementia and all. To see her enjoy her food in nice surroundings. Why shouldn't she?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/03/2016 18:48

How much did you enjoy from the set menu?

They may well offer to have you back on a different day to make up for the poor experience today.

phequer · 06/03/2016 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 06/03/2016 18:53

I wouldn't complain, I would let it go as one of those things

It isn't their fault, plus you didn't give them a chance to move you and because you left immediately, you don't know what happened after.

That poor, poor lady.

phequer · 06/03/2016 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore1 · 06/03/2016 18:58

My husband is a restaurant manager and I can assure you he would have done something in this situation. Asked the family to bring the volume down as others were trying to enjoy their meal. I know he has in the past. I don't know how he would deal with the smell but he would have because that's what he is paid to do, to ensure everyone in the restaurant has quiet enjoyment of their meal.

The inaction of the staff is unacceptable op and yes complain. Restaurants work on their reputation; people may go for the food but they return for the service and the bad handling by staff may just have cost multiple repeat customers plus I'll be damned if this isn't already on Twitter and trip advisor by now putting more off.

unimaginativename13 · 06/03/2016 18:59

I'm bit lost that this Mother's Day package cost the same as a trip abroad!!??!!

whattimewillyoubeback · 06/03/2016 19:00

You could call social services as an anonymous safeguarding alert, giving all the information you can. If a person with dementia is being treated as you describe this is emotional abuse. Even if it isn't possible to find who she is right now the alert should go on record.

londonrach · 06/03/2016 19:00

You should have asked to be moved. Not that restaurants fault. Hope the lady is ok. Did someone see to her needs within the group.

londonrach · 06/03/2016 19:02

Agree with wombat as well.

Namechangenell · 06/03/2016 19:04

Where was this place? If it is as expensive to go there as you've described (are we talking The Ritz or equivalent?) then I'd certainly have expected something to be done and discreetly too.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 06/03/2016 19:07

What did you expect the restaurant to do? They don't vet their customers.

p.s. entree means main course.

lorelei9 · 06/03/2016 19:08

PS bit random but to pay extra for .mothers day seems mad. My dad insists we go out for it and I would rather go any other day (mum doesn't care either way).

It's always one of the worst days of the year to eat out.

MudCity · 06/03/2016 19:12

I think you should raise it with the restaurant because I'm sure other people will be raising it too, including the staff. Their response is up to them but there is a small chance they will do something as a goodwill gesture.

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 19:13

Sorry to hear about your mum phequer, that sounds like a really tough, exhausting time for you. You must be missing her dreadfully today especially.

Swipe left for the next trending thread