To demand my money back, complain or something?

[Leta86]

So, I'm blessed with an amazing MIL, who had a really tough winter with PIL being poorly, in and out of the hospital, even touch and go at one moment. To treat her, DP and I decided to take her to this venue for Mother's day, really excellent ratings, but also $$$. We saved for a bit, skipped a visit to my parents (another country) and finally managed it. The look on her face when we told her made it all worthwile in itself, cos she wanted to go there for years, she even got her hair done for it yesterday!
Anyway, we trooped in at the set time and even got the window table, MIL was on cloud number 9. The entrees were a bliss, but the another family got sat next to us.
The man, who was the presumed head of the family was an extremely loud, rude, obnoxious and rude, to the point of telling everyone where to sit, what to order and making himself a nightmare to the staff. On the end of the table was this frail little granny, obviously near 100, very scared and dementef. I'm quite certain she had absolutely no idea where she was, kept whimpering and appeared scared witless whenever the waitress adressed her. I don't think her son/grandson or whatever saw her more than once or twice per year as his wife kept hissing at him that she doesn't remembef this or has had done that. That was alll still bearable, until the gran (I don't blame her) got her food and this ended all over and around her face, clothes and wheelchair... at which point the man started actually berating her like a toddler... we were absolutelly shocked! And on top of that, just before we got our main course, the gran made a very full use of what I hope was her diaper. The stench was unbeliveable!!! We took one look at eacb other, got up and left, eve if everything was pre-paid. Ended up having toasties in local costa. I was absolutely fuming and so so sorry for my MIL, who had dissapointment written all over her face! I am still raging while I'm writing this!!!

Bless your heart, you sound like a wonderful daughter. I bet your mum really appreciated your love and care, and your dad too.

phequer sympathies for your loss but I think you are projecting your own experiences onto a different situation. It sounds as if you were a wonderful, loving carer to your DM. From the OP's description, the man concerned was a bully and very abusive to the poor older lady. That's not the same as being a bit snappy because you are stressed as a carer.

Elder abuse is massively under-reported. There comes a point when it is dangerous to 'make allowances' for a carer having a bad day.

OK, fine, you weren't a great carer. I have been one too and I know how tough it is. Either way, I think your reaction to the thread has more to do with unresolved grief (totally understandable so soon after your loss) than what has actually been written.

Being a parent is hard too but I hope that anyone who saw a father "berating" a child who "kept whimpering and appeared scared witless" wouldn't just put it down to the parent having a bad day

Yep....I totally hear you Phequer. That's a very brave and honest recount of what it is really like caring for someone day in day out. Looking after my mil has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It has driven me to tears of anger and frustration countless time followed by intense guilt. It's a bloody tough job.

The thing is, I did it for 5 years on my own and now have more help.

If I'd been having a much longed for break that day and had been treated to a posh meal out and then encountered the situation described I'd have felt bitterly disappointed just like the op. I'd have felt very sad for the lady and rest of the family but still annoyed. Maybe it's just me, being a carer has made me very sympathetic in many ways but also desperate to escape in others!

OP you have every right to complain and your post didn't read at all to me like you were blaming the old lady. In your position I would definitely get in touch and let them know how disappointed you were after saving to go there.

I'd complain. Be polite, factual and see what happens.

You know what phequer thank you for posting because if you hadn't I would be in the yes complain and omg what a terrible family, you have shown me a different perspective and you are right one should not judge.

Sorry for your loss

i really don't see how making a complaint makes you unsympathetic to the situation the other family might be in. How about op's mil? She's had a very tough time and this was her long awaited treat, not to mention the expense!

Yes, I agree with you Phequer.

I disagree. I think the OP has every right to complain now. We don't always do what we should have on the spot. Why is she such a horrible person for not just sucking it up wrt this giant merail? Yes, they should have asked to move, but the rearview mirror is 20/20.

I agree with Phequer about reporting to SS. I don't think that op ought necessarily have complained at the time for all the reasons mentioned further up the thread.

If I was your DH OP, I would call and speak to the manager of the venue, and ask him to re-arrange your special visit. I would tell him that you made sacrifices, that your MIL had been so excited, but that sadly the occasion was ruined through no fault of your own. I understand that it is not the venue's fault, but it is their responsibility to ensure that guests are well looked after, and have an enjoyable visit.

Personally I feel that anyone who was so poorly would prefer a more low-key celebration - being together is the important thing - it doesn't have to be in a posh restaurant. Poor woman - you have to feel so sorry for her.