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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To demand my money back, complain or something?

154 replies

Leta86 · 06/03/2016 16:48

So, I'm blessed with an amazing MIL, who had a really tough winter with PIL being poorly, in and out of the hospital, even touch and go at one moment. To treat her, DP and I decided to take her to this venue for Mother's day, really excellent ratings, but also $$$. We saved for a bit, skipped a visit to my parents (another country) and finally managed it. The look on her face when we told her made it all worthwile in itself, cos she wanted to go there for years, she even got her hair done for it yesterday!
Anyway, we trooped in at the set time and even got the window table, MIL was on cloud number 9. The entrees were a bliss, but the another family got sat next to us.
The man, who was the presumed head of the family was an extremely loud, rude, obnoxious and rude, to the point of telling everyone where to sit, what to order and making himself a nightmare to the staff. On the end of the table was this frail little granny, obviously near 100, very scared and dementef. I'm quite certain she had absolutely no idea where she was, kept whimpering and appeared scared witless whenever the waitress adressed her. I don't think her son/grandson or whatever saw her more than once or twice per year as his wife kept hissing at him that she doesn't remembef this or has had done that. That was alll still bearable, until the gran (I don't blame her) got her food and this ended all over and around her face, clothes and wheelchair... at which point the man started actually berating her like a toddler... we were absolutelly shocked! And on top of that, just before we got our main course, the gran made a very full use of what I hope was her diaper. The stench was unbeliveable!!! We took one look at eacb other, got up and left, eve if everything was pre-paid. Ended up having toasties in local costa. I was absolutely fuming and so so sorry for my MIL, who had dissapointment written all over her face! I am still raging while I'm writing this!!!

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 06/03/2016 20:55

And you can't really compare this to a baby pooing in a nappy. Totally different and ypou can easily whisk a baby away before the smell is noticed by everyone.

phequer · 06/03/2016 20:56

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MisForMumNotMaid · 06/03/2016 21:00

Long shot but did you by any chance pay on a credit card? Just wondering if theres any chance of pursuing things that way.

RJnomore1 · 06/03/2016 21:01

Phew she's sbsoluteky entitled to be there but I do think for her own comfort and dignity more than other diners she shouldn't be left sitting in it.

phequer · 06/03/2016 21:04

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Fugghetaboutit · 06/03/2016 21:04

I think you should be reimbursed.

It wasn't the restaurants fault but wasn't yours either. Get your money back a book again

Skittlesss · 06/03/2016 21:04

Phequer, I'm not being "disablist" if that's what you want to call it. I would hits have no desire to put my incontinent grandmother through a posh meal where she will poo herself and have to endure people looking at "the old lady who shat her nappy in the posh restaurant that costs the same as a holiday abroad". It just wouldn't be nice for her and I wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

phequer · 06/03/2016 21:07

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leelu66 · 06/03/2016 21:12

It sounds like the OP was shocked by what happened and just left the restaurant. Leta please email/call the restaurant and either get a refund or another booking.

They probably had a few complaints so will probably oblige you.

I have massive sympathy for the lady with dementia and her family (though maybe not the son). But I also have a lot of sympathy for you and your MIL.

I would not have been able to remain in that restaurant. It happened, that's life, and that's fine but that does not mean that you don't deserve any reparation.

No one should have to eat in a room smelling of faeces.

Zariyah · 06/03/2016 21:14

There are plenty of people who are doubly incontinent but perfectly able to enjoy a posh lunch.

evelynj · 06/03/2016 21:14

Send an email & apologise that you didn't speak up at the time & outline what happened. Don't demand anything but see if there's anything they can do, tbh any re-visit may be tainted by your previous uncomfortable experience.

I hope the lady is ok & NEVER go out on Mother's Day - a voucher for a week or two after is a much safer bet :)

leelu66 · 06/03/2016 21:14

Just smelling the faeces would put me off food. It doesn't matter if the lady was removed from the room or she wasn't, from the perspective of the people who heard/smelled the bowel movements.

LeaLeander · 06/03/2016 21:29

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RJnomore1 · 06/03/2016 21:32

Fair point pheq but the whole restaurant apparently cleared before the family made a move to remove the woman to tend to her. I get that you're projecting hugely onto this thread but that for me is out of order. I'd like to think if it was me in 50 years id be cleaned up immediately.

phequer · 06/03/2016 21:35

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phequer · 06/03/2016 21:36

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RJnomore1 · 06/03/2016 21:45

She knows there wasn't a move to clean her up in the time it took her family and many others to get up and leave. That's enough for me no matter what way you try to spin it. Any consideration for the woman's dignity would have seen her immediately removed from the public room at the start of the incident. I know I'm right, you know I'm right. The woman deserves dignity and privacy not be say like some exhibit while she finishes her business and the smell permeates the whole room.

phequer · 06/03/2016 21:58

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WanderingTrolley1 · 06/03/2016 21:59

Call the establishment to express your dissatisfaction.

It sounds like an awful experience for all involved.

TheBouquets · 06/03/2016 22:10

Has anyone thought that the cause of the noisy and smell incontinent bowel movement by the old lady was perhaps caused by the shouting and loud conduct of the man in her group.
I know someone with bowel problems and they hardy leave the house because they are scared of disgracing themselves in public not matter how many incontinence solutions are suggested.
I also know a large man who shouts a lot, dictates to all and sundry at full volume and who is such a cause of embarrassment that some people avoid that person. Perhaps this need to control everything is his disability. It cant possibly be the person I know because that person bumped the old dear with dementia in a locked ward in a mental hospital and that lady is now dead. However this story did bring back memories of this man I know and it just was not pleasant to recall his conduct.

I would suggest that the evacuation of the bowels could have been nerves having to be with the loud mouthed man.
It is cruel to set up an elderly person to disgrace herself like this and also abusive to all in the party for one person to be dictating all sorts. I would alert SS and if I was the old lady I would be grateful for a stranger's support.

lorelei9 · 06/03/2016 22:22

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lorelei9 · 06/03/2016 22:25

I also can't help wondering if the poor lady was harangued into going. I have a close person, effectively family, in his 60s and doubly incontinent, we go to the park and local cafe fir a sarnie but otherwise he won't risk it and i don't blame him.

Imagine the stress on the lady in a posh restaurant Confused

RubyRoseViolet · 06/03/2016 22:49

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expatinscotland · 06/03/2016 22:55

'I also can't help wondering if the poor lady was harangued into going. '

If she had dementia, she may not have even realised it.

RealityCheque · 06/03/2016 23:00

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