To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

Cloud hopping I just answered a pretty identical question below re:jealous if you scroll down a bit.

Regarding bringing another woman in, at the moment DP has no intentions about a third. I think it would be more likely that I might pursue another relationship at some point. But it's not off the table completely, ever, for any of us. We'd talk about the implications and how we all felt if/ when it looked likely to happen.

But I think further relationships would be more likely to be secondary - ie not as involved. (Although you never know how a relationship will develop do you can't make 'rules' about this).

But aside from anything the logistics are already tricky with three - another primary relationship in the diary? Oy vey.

I admit I am a bigot, but I would have been totally mortified as a child if my parents were in a "polyamorous" relationship.

Yes it is only a convention to have a mother and a father, but the only way to have children is actually for a man and a woman to get together.

Imagine the chaos if the world decided that, for example, gay relationships are the norm and not everything else. Assuming no Ivf etc, the world would end in 100 years from now.

Ever wondered if nature is trying to tell us something?

I am not against lbgt, some people feel attracted to the same sex and that is it. But if that is what "normal is" why is that two women or two men can't have children together?

And this "polyamorous" thing is absolutely a sign of not wanting to commit to one person only.

I normally don't post on this type of threads because I don't really believe people like OP actually exists. They are just here to stir up debate and challenge long held beliefs. I am traditional and proud to be.

Isidthattoo. The trouble is you are trying to define a "normal" situation. The simple fact is that normal doesn't exist. Ever situation and every relationship is different.

It amuses me that you would have been mortified if your parents had been in a poly relationship. I suggest to you that if your parents had been poly you wouldn't have been so narrow minded about it.

And the animal kingdom seems to work perfectly well with both mono and poly parents. And let's face it, we should be more intelligent than the animals so we should be able to deal with things a lot easier than the animals.

Ididthattoo, I assure you that I am a real person, and that the way we've chosen to
live our lives is not primarily to discombobulate you and other flat-earthers.

You're simply not that important, sorry to break it to you.

And if anyone on here is a troll...

Whycantwegoonasthee. I think that the only way for this to be dealt with without trolls, naysayers, religious objections and those that "don't get it" is to have a separate section. That way any of those that don't like it can stay away (not that they can't hide the thread) and policing it would be much easier.

But well done for admitting you're a bigot. Because that's really something to be proud of. I'd tell everyone you meet if I were you.

Phequer. Although the ex is a parent of the children he can dislike it as much as he wants. If the children are in a safe and loving environment he should be happy.

I agree about the fact the OP doesn't sound like the primary but that is just one of the many poly set ups and that's how some people are happy.

I am not against lbgt

I don't know how to break this to you, Ididthattoo but I think you might be - just a bit.

Phequer, DPs time is split pretty much 50/50 although we're not so hung up on that. It ebbs and flows. What most people are really concerned with is an emotional hierarchy - where one person is more emotionally 'important' than another.

We don't have that either. Our relationships are different in many ways - we're very different people after all. You can't say one is more important or significant than another.

His relationship with OSO predates mine - but that's only a factor of you believe that longevity is the primary factor affecting emotional connection, and I think we all realise that's not really true.

And I really don't feel like I get the raw end of any deal. Neither does OSO. We both have the relationship with DP that we want.

But yes the fact that my children aren't part of this is at the moment hard and something we deeply want to / need to change.

My ex will hate it - but then he also hates gay marriage, (and homosexuality in general) single parenthood and a whole raft of other things. Women who wear makeup. Tattoos. Sex outside marriage in any form. I could go on.

And yes it will probably change the way we relate to each other and I'm sad about that.

But the single best thing about the fact that he's now my ex is that he can't actually tell me what to do or not to do any more.

He may take steps to seek full custody, (fearing for our DCs immortal souls) but the fact is in law he will not have a leg to stand on. That said, I'm not relishing the fight.

But this would be the kind of thing it would be nice to discuss in a friendly corner of this site. I.e. Not. Here.

Phequer I'm not answering regarding the age of my kids because I don't want to supply more personal information here than I need to. Simple as.

OP I just wanted to come back and apologise for a comment I made earlier, re- the OSO in your rship. I said it sounds like she's very insecure to be sharing her DH.
You answered, and say this is by no means the case.
Polyamory is not for me, but then no-one is asking me to enter a poly relationship, so it's a redundant point to disagree with someone else enjoying one really.

Good luck OP, i hope you succeed in finding or creating a space here where you can discuss the finer points of parenting and your relationship(s), but minus the judgment

His relationship with his kids is a different thing. And his relationship with his OSO is different to his relationship with me and I'm happy with that. One aspect of that is that she is the mother of his children and yes, it's a hugely important one.

It's when you start say that one is more important than another or try and impose/assume an emotional hierarchy by default that you miss the point.

Ours is a non-hierarchical co-primary setup with which we are all happy. Our relationships are different but equally important. And you're just going to have to take my word for that, I'm afraid.

Thanks Violetvaccine. Much appreciated. X

Phequer, no my kids are not really tiny and I've been split from my ex for quite some time.

And that's really all you're getting.

But please don't worry, I've not just blindly stumbled into this on the rebound. If you'll see my post below, traditional 24/7 cohabiting relationships have never been my thing, and this is something I've spent a lot of time thinking about, reading about, attending groups to find out more about etc etc. I haven't just randomly ended up fucking someone else's husband by accident and then given it a name to make myself feel better about it.

Fuuuuucking hell. I have just read most of this thread (clicked out of excited interest!) getting increasingly dismayed by the unpleasant turns it's been taking. I'm another poly parent, though I rarely if ever mention it on here... And this is why! OP, hope you're withstanding the flaming okay; you're doing great

Here here starspread