To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

You could have emailed them first why rather than starting the AIBU thread and getting some of the responses you got and giving so much information about your own situation. Or report your OP so they could reply?

Only a thought, and the quickest way of finding out.

Advanced search is your friend

Idea was to gauge appetite sparklingbrook. Otherwise I could ask but no one would have any idea if it was something anyone would be interested in bar me.

Not sure if I've achieved my aim though. Or just stirred up a hornets nest.

I don't know quite what it achieved really, so maybe go with asking. I am not sure it's a go-er though judging by some of the replies. If this is how every thread would go then i can't see MNHQ being overly keen but you never know.

It does prove one thing, which is you can't talk about Poly in any of the more general boards, without getting roasted.

Whether that means MN won't want to touch it with a barge pole or that they'll think it needs a dedicated space I don't know.

I'll ask, probably tomorrow, and see.

It would make them a bit of a trailblazer if they did though, IMH(and biased)O.

I think it might be a better idea to have a constant support /Q&A page in Relationships. Like Stately Homes.

I think one of the reasons that Stately Homes works so well is that everyone knows who it's for and do not go blundering in with judgement and poor advice. Also, having just one thread makes it easier to police trolls.

If it takes off, it could lend weight to your case for a whole new section.

Yes, but legally please sort out wills and guardianship.

Please be aware that people can change their will to suit and they don't have to tell you. DC first preferably with a trustee you aren't shagging.

Thank lavenderhoney. Legally and financially we're sorted. With a bow on top.

But it is important to point out that in any non standard relationship you have to sort these things out because nothing is sorted 'automatically' or by default. You have to define what you want to happen in every circumstance.

But in a way, that's good...

Can I ask whycan't
For me personally having sex with a man regularly helps me develop feelings for them. I'm sure you love your dp? Do you ever feel jealous he is also having sex with his wife? I know there is an awful lot more to a relationship than sex but for me sex is what makes a relationship different to my other relationships iyswim?
If I have strong feelings for a man I don't want to share him. It's this I csntt understand.
I have no issues with how anyone conducts their relationships its none of my business but I'm so curious about this way of life

whycantwe. i have not read the whole thread.
is your form of poly the same as polygamist families? with a religious framework and aim to have as many children as possible?

Why on Earth should we condone adultery? Haven't we spoiled our kids enough already?

God, you can hear the tiny minds exploding all over the place.

Two women, one man, kids, not married, finances...COMPUTER SAYS NO.

I hope you get your board or thread, OP, and that it's a safe and useful space.

Hopefully its title will warn some of the PP from entering, but I'm sure they won't bother anyway. After all, they apparently really really don't care what other people are doing in their relationships.

Sorry haven't rtft but would like to register my interest in having a poly topic!

HowBadIsThisPlease I agree with a lot of what you've said on this (v interesting, thanks OP) thread.

Re. living arrangements, when DH and I were first together and discussing what our future might look like, we agreed that our ideal would be to have two flats in the same house, so we could have our own creative/personal space but still be together. Never did it, we can't afford it (we're not Tim Burton and Helena B-C) but it remains a lovely idea for both of us. And we are in the most bog standard heteronormative marriage you can imagine.

Meep. Being poly isn't just one set of circumstances so you can't say the OP is not in a poly relationship.

And Harrietonabike. I assume by you adultery comment your opinion is based by some religious grounds. If so just remember, not everyone has you religious views. And in no way should it be bad for the children. If the children are brought up in a happy and secure environment they will be fine.

Lucybabs,

The sex is really incidental to your question...

But to get to the point, no I don't feel jealous about DP loving someone else (or having sex with someone else).

I think it comes down to your understanding if love. I don't think that love is a finite entity - in that if DP also loves someone else that must mean he loves me less, because there's only so much love to go around.

Like when you have a second child you don't suddenly love your first child half as much...

But jealousy is about thinking someone has something you don't have and that you want.

I know DP loves us both, differently but equally. And there are very few aspects of their relationship which would fall under the category of "things she has which I don't have and wish I did".

And it's funny, actually, if something crops up which gets me feeling that, when I look at all the other things which come with it, as part of the package, then suddenly I don't want it quite so much!

I can't say I never feel it (I'm human) but on the very rare occasions I do I feel it, and if I it's usually pretty easily dealt with by looking hard at what you're actually jealous of, and why.

But in short, I'm not disadvantaged in any way by DPs other relationship. Quite the opposite. I don't wish I had their relationship, I like the one I have with DP. I don't think it means DP loves me less. So what's to be jealous of?

To be honest the main challenge is not jealousy, it's diary management. We have a shared google calendar which has to take into account the needs of three adults, two households, two teenagers and two small children. And sometimes the complexity of that does my head in!

All those who think poly is just a giant fuckfest is underestimating the amount of time devoted to huddling around a calendar.

Out2pasture. No. There's no religion involved and no plans to create any more children than we currently have between us.

And thank fuck on both counts!

Arichvernacular - I suggested exactly this setup to my EXH before we got married. He thought I was joking.

I guess the writing was well and truly on the wall.

I've simply never wanted a 24/7 live in romantic relationship. I tried really hard to do that for many years but it just doesn't work for me.

I must be one of those with a tiny mind and low iq.

I try not to be judgemental, but surely this set up would be terribly confusing for the children.
I think you are being selfish doing this and I hope mumsnet never adds a section for this set-up which is completely against the law of nature.

Can I ask OP, do you ever get jealous? Do you ever feel threatened by the other woman? How would you both feel if your partner decided to bring a further woman into the mix- would you all get a choice about this? There's no judgement here, just interest!

IT's worth remembering that the centralisation of the nuclear family with two parents, a small number of children, and a big rigid wall up that renders all other relationships relatively insignificant, is a pretty recent thing - and not a great thing for women.

Leaving sex aside for a minute, there were and are families where grannies (resident or living nearby) are effectively immediate family members, in terms of childcare, day to day practical support - and sometimes even I would argue that some women's primary emotional bond in cases like that is with their mother, who is always there for them, for a laugh and in times of crisis. That's a kind of smaller version of a way of life where "family" meant a household that could be a castle - 3 or 4 generations, servants (as part of the family), disabled cousins or maiden aunts - etc

Women's friendship has long been a very important and under discussed part of family life

Now that we have contraception, and in theory, fewer codified restrictions on living however we like, it is not surprising, given that people have so vividly the capacity to form so many overlapping and different kinds of relationships - it is not surprising that people are thinking of different ways of doing things that include sex too

I think I've decided not to respond to any posts which talk about being "against the law of nature" or say "it's just not natural".

Just as a filtering tool, you understand.

How bad is this... I couldn't agree more.

The sacred status of the nuclear family makes no sense if looked at objectively. It has little historical support and is relatively disadvantageous to women in fact.

Felt the meme was needed

Children are rather adaptable. And those growing up in polyamorous societies seem to cope okay.

Ididthattoo. Against the laws of Nature? Monogamy is a man made thing.

And it's only "confusing" for the children if you don't explain it to them.

It seems you are confusing you personal belief or opinion with the facts. But then so did (and some still do) about gay marriage or adoption.