To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

In the old days, when people actually, you know, married and had a family with the person they loved the OP's relationship would be called bigamy.

Or, in parts of Utah, normal

For some reason those questions don't seem like someone who wants to know, phequer.

Attention seeking twaddle. We are supposed to either be shocked and preach - then you can be superior about how bigoted we are. OR we can be all right on and "supportive" in the face of prejudice.

No-one cares who you sleep with - as long as it is ok with those involved.
Many of us have had/ are having a range of different types of relationships - we don't have to give them names!!

I'm sorry to read that, it sounds awful peppa

And there will be others with different experiences of happier consensual polyamorous relationships.

And all of these experiences could be discussed in a dedicated place to help others in polyamorous relationships make the best decisions for their children.

Is it a bit like the relationship setup in the show Big Love? Except that you all can choose to have other relationships outwith your V if you so choose to? Thats how im reading it.

On another note, cant believe all the underlying nastiness on this thread, although im not sure if your own board would change that. But cant see any harm for asking for one, i personally wouldnt object to it, it wouldn't be affecting me. There seems to be quite a lot of nastiness on MN recently.

SoConfused15

Our city has an active poly meet up group and plenty of poly folks

Is that the same as being swingers?

Deogratias

'Would he happy/ is it in your agreement if you had a second man but that man didn't move in'

Yes he'd be fine with that and has been fine with that in the past.

Or indeed if I had a third man or a second woman.

But to be clear, I wouldn't intend to introduce any subsequent partners to my DC - but I do want to introduce my DP and OSO as they are a primary and important people and the central relationship in my life outside of that with my DCs.

But I've answered that question at least four times now.

You see, this is why a PA topic wouldn't work. This is a discussion forum where anyone can post on any topic, and challenge it or criticise it if they want to. It isn't a 'safe' space where only people who understand and are uber-tolerant of your thang will post.

If you came on here wanting some robust debate about Polyamory then you'll get it. If you came on here wanting to educate us, then crack on. But if you came here hoping for chit chat with other polyamorous folk who understand the 'unique joys and challenges' then you may or may not get a bit of that, but not without a heckling audience or some curious bystanders.

Like I said, it's best to go to dedicated niche websites with their own forums if you want support for a very controversial topic. If it's advice about the challenges of shared parenting in a PA relationship you want then you can probably just use the step parenting boards or even the general parenting boards for that. I doubt there is much that goes on in your personal set up that can't be compared to a step parenting situation. It seems like a pretty similar scenario where the kids are concerned to me.

Phequer

And if it was a true polyamorous family then would the OP not stay over with the man and his wife? With her kids too?

I have done, although we don't all sleep together because that's not the relationship OSO and I want. (DP would like that though, but knows it's not likely.)

I do go over for dinner with the three of us and his kids, and they come here, although frankly we usually go there as OSO is a spectacular cook.

At some point we'd like to take holidays with all of us and all the children.

Hence my pondering how and when to tell my DCs.

Live and let live I say. It's not for me but then neither are many boards on here and some of them are seriously niche.

Ignoring the pages and pages of arguing about defining the OP's relationship...

If you had a seperate board only people interested/living like that (or of course trolls or what have you) would post in there.

So if you were asking about your DC, you'd not get posts from say someone like me who isn't interested in it, wouldn't go on the board but has experience of being the child in a similar situation...

Violetvaccine

OP just sounds like the OW of a man whose Wife has major self esteem and respect issues, justifying her OW status.

This made me guffaw. But you'd only understand why if you'd met OSO - a woman with fewer self esteem issues you'd be hard pressed to find. She's a brilliantly smart, strong woman who gives absolutely zero fucks what anyone else thinks.

And who I get to share my life with, alongside a similarly smart, strong man.

And sometimes I get my bed ALL TO MYSELF.

It's not always without complications, sure, but it suits all of us really well.

And I'm working in giving fewer fucks about what anyone else thinks.

Peppatina, that sounds really shit. But please recognise that's not what's happening here, no-one is being conned or coerced. And we have been and are really careful regarding the children.

The agonies and headache inducing conversations about what to tell the teenagers, when, if, and how you can't imagine. It took us months to figure it out.

And then they couldn't have been less bothered...

Working on getting the number of fucks one gives about other people's judgements of unconventional relationships down to as close to zero as humanly possible is time very well spent, in my experience.

Tabularasa - I know what you mean, although if you knew there was s board for polyamorous families or parenting and you could offer advice from a different perspective - wouldn't you look from time to time? I hope you would, I for one would like to have your perspective.

And you're right, there are other places. But I really like mumsnet for everything else, and actually my main concerns are parenting in this context and this is a parenting site... It's not such a stretch, is it.

Violet, poly is not the same as swinging. Although they are not mutually exclusive. I am going to a swinging club tonight with my DH as it happens. A meet up group is just a monthly social in a pub, it's not meant to be for pickups, just for people to hang out and chat.

From the kids' perspective, this is like something from a farce.

Him being with some other woman is a trivial detail given the wider deception.

There is a man living in the kids' house half the week that they know nothing about and that their extended family know nothing about. He has lots of possessions there. Their mother considers him to be a member of their 'family' even though they've never met. She wants a board on MN to discuss their membership in a family she hasn't told them they're even in!

It is like that Lenny Henry sketch where he comes home early from work and finds out his landlord has sublet the flat and some other guy has been living there for months, sleeping in Lenny's bed and working the night shift.

WTF OP?

Almondpudding, I consider DP and OSO (which is the wrong term but will have to do for now) my family. They consider me theirs.

Of course I do not consider them to be my children's family yet, but that's precisely what I want to change. But obviously it needs to be carefully handled do they don't feel like Lenny Henry...