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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want the 4 strange teenagers in my home this weekend?

152 replies

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 04/03/2016 15:52

DSS lives a long way away, but is visiting this weekend as the team he manages has a fixture in our town. He rang DH this morning to ask if 4 team members could stay with us too, as their accommodation has fallen through. I wasn't keen as I don't know any of them and don't really want 4 teenage boys in my home. I contacted a work colleague who lets her flat through Air BnB and she agreed a good rate. Sent the details to DSS. He has now texted to say can they all stay here anyway, as it would be cheaper. It's three nights. AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
PunxutawneyPhil · 04/03/2016 16:13

I think your mistake was not mentioning their ages in the OP. Most people seem to have assumed they are mates and your DSS is a teen who normally lives with his mum and wants to come and stay with his friends.

YANBU.

CountessOfStrathearn · 04/03/2016 16:13

5 extra people in one room for 3 nights? No, I wouldn't!

Oysterbabe · 04/03/2016 16:14

I'm going to wait and see what else is dripfed before making my final decision.

Original poster
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 04/03/2016 16:14

He's been to stay with friends lots of times. It feels to me like a difference between actual friends, and people he knows through work who want a free bed.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 04/03/2016 16:15

Yanbu

It is a big ask

Given that they get money for accommodation I can't see why they don't just use that. Tell them no, it's too disruptive and totally unnecessary.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2016 16:16

I don't think YABU and I'd go ape shit if someone wanted to drop 5 extra people on me for 3 nights when they were getting paid for accommodation. That's cheeky.

Original poster
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 04/03/2016 16:17

Not intending to drip feed, sorry. I typed a long post with more details which I managed to delete before posting. Plus I have a stinking cold and am not thinking very straight, which is why your advice is helpful.

OP posts:
PunxutawneyPhil · 04/03/2016 16:17

"AIBU to ask four adult men who my DSS works with to go to a hotel instead of staying with us?"

Universal YANBU.

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/03/2016 16:18

Wouldn't they have more fun in a self contained flat anyway?

foodiefil · 04/03/2016 16:19

Ask for the money for food? Not from your DSS but his friends surely? Then lay on lots of food and beers for them and give them any change when they leave or post it to their club. That way you'll suss if they're a bunch of tight arses or not.

DSS might think he take the PSS if he resents his dad and you at all. I would be uncomfortable.

How well do you know DSS? Wine

HazelBite · 04/03/2016 16:19

My Dc's have always treated our home like it was liberty hall, and I still often come downstairs to find strangers on the sofa bed or on the couch wrapped in a duvet.
I have never had a problem with this and all of our "guests" have been very respectful of our home and of the rest of the family.
My DSis thinks me and DH are mad to allow this. It really depends how you feel if you are not comfortable with this don't do it, however if your Dh is quite happy with this think hard about it, you do not want to alienate your step son.

Original poster
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 04/03/2016 16:19

Now that makes me feel less bad Punxutawney!

OP posts:
boredofusername · 04/03/2016 16:19

I'd send them to AirBnB. 4 teenagers I don't know for 3 nights? Nope. Not unless you have a very big house and servants

Which I see you don't.

They get money for accommodation, say no.

OliviaStabler · 04/03/2016 16:20

I wouldn't let them stay. They receive money for accommodation but they want to come to yours to freeload.

AugustaFinkNottle · 04/03/2016 16:20

IME teenage boys are very adaptable and will probably be perfectly happy sleeping on the floor. When DS1 was a teenager I got very used to stepping across his friends' bodies in the sitting room in the morning, at any given time there was at least one who had been thrown out by his parents or couldn't bear to deal with the war between their parents or didn't feel he could be at home for some other reason. It didn't put us out in any way.

Yohoodlum · 04/03/2016 16:20

YANBU - they aren't your dss's friends.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 04/03/2016 16:21

YANBU, he's not bringing one friend, he's bringing four people that he manages. That's a lot of extra people to add to a household; feeding, showering etc... And it's not like the alternative is them sleeping on the street.

eddielizzard · 04/03/2016 16:21

no. they're not his friends. they can use their accommodation allowance to pay for somewhere.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2016 16:21

They are not 'boys' and they are not his mates, they are young adults he manages.

Original poster
EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 04/03/2016 16:22

I'm not really bothered about food money. DH said no initially but he always struggles with sustaining a no with DCs so I end up being the bad guy.
Just had a text saying they're leaving and can they stay for free. DH has told DSS that it's my decision Angry.

OP posts:
Fugghetaboutit · 04/03/2016 16:22

For one night I would. For three nights? No.

Phalenopsisgirl · 04/03/2016 16:22

It's your home, if you don't want 5 people staying then you shouldn't have to. You are not a hotel, dss should expect to treat you as such.

foodiefil · 04/03/2016 16:24

If you need an excuse for why they can't stay say the boiler is broken/fridge needs replacing isn't arriving for another 2 weeks/you have a hospital appt and aren't comfortable coming home to strangers as it's going to be quite invasive. He won't ask questions then. You can add personal to that 'personal and invasive, I'll let you know if everything's alright'.

PunxutawneyPhil · 04/03/2016 16:24

Well, that was a bit shit of your DH.

SenecaFalls · 04/03/2016 16:25

Normally, I am a more-the-merrier type host when it comes to my (now adult) children's friends, but in this case, where the get money for accommodation and you really don't have the room, I say YANBU.