to be in love with a 16 year old

[swordandsparrow]

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him

Me and my husband met when I was 17. We were both in training for the forces. He is 8 years older than I am. We dated for 3 years and have been married for 11 years, our relationship has survived tours of war zones, postings to different sides of the country, injuries and children. Our relationship works, our ages were never and issue but that was perhaps due to the environment that we were in.

he does have a baby face, the same way i have a baby face and still get mistaken for 16!
i cant explain why i like him i just do! ive never got along with anyone like him, we have the same sense of humour, like the same things etc

It's not the age gap what is a problem, it's his age. I'm 23 and can't imagine being attracted to a 16 yr old!

Also, my nephew is 16 and I wouldn't be happy if he was with a 23yr old

Ah yes brains and quick wit. TBF 16 year old DS does possess those things but they are slightly overshadowed by some other teenagery/non desirable character traits...

Don't worry OP. Some OTT replies here.

Mm hmmmmmm

If you had been sniffing round either of my boys when they were 16 I wouldn't have been happy.

WTF do you see in him?

I think it would be interesting to hear the feelings of the 16 year old at this point. I wonder how he feels? Does he even know he is the object of desire?

ive never got along with anyone like him

So how long have you been looking for someone? Given that you are young with a child, how much time have you spent trying to find suitable people.

I would not be impressed if a 23yo mother was sniffing round my 16yo son. (Neither would I if she didn't have children).

23 and 30, one matter. 23 and 16, quite another.

Leave him alone.

I personally think there is not future because he is too young.
People chnage very very much until their 20s. The mindset of the guy is probably totally boyish rather than manly. (Which can be attractive.)
Also your current situation is totally different - you are a responsible adult, head of family. You've got a depending child.
I don't think a 16 even 17 year old boy is mentally ready to accept such a challenge and be in an equal relationship.
However, shall you pursue a relationship?
Why not? If there are mutual feelings it's worth giving it a try, sometimes life works against the odds. Keep an open mind and accept whatever happens.

Sorry OP, I think this is wrong. At 16, he is not an adult and I am surprised that somebody upthread said he is...he is still a child until he is 18 years old. I have a 17, nearly 18 year old DD, I would be very very concerned if she got involved with a 23 year old man with a child of his own.

My experience of 16 year old boys (friends of DD, sons of friends, relatives etc) are that they are hugely immature. I accept that this is probably not always the case, however, at 16 he can hardly be expected to take on a child of two who is going to be a challenge even to a fully mature adult. I also imagine that he's having a "Mrs Robinson" moment rather than being "in love"...

Can't get past the he looks 13 comment

Um, no he isn't. He needs to be 18 to be an adult and do what he likes.

erm not in Scotland... you cant vote when your 16, get married when your 16, join the army when your 16 - so yes you are treated as an adult.

lots of girls and boys that are 16/17 date older people - there is no law against it - the law treats them as if they are adults. yep their mums and dads may not like it but that doesn't mean its wrong.

Oh wait, is 16 considered a minor? Make sure you won't be prosecuted for this first.

Are you in Scotland OP?

Yes Zany and no one ran screaming down the street did they? Because you were female....Perhaps people here don't like to think of their 16 year olds as sexual beings with agency and the capacity to make decisions. But they are not children, and to liken this to paedophilia is ridiculous.

Hmmm difficult one.

When me and Dh got together I was 24 and he was 19. However, we were at very similar stages of our lifes. He was fully qualified and established in his chosen career, and I was still deciding what to do career wise. So if anything he was certainly more mature than I was.

I believe there's a big difference between 16 and 19 though, and certainly a massive difference between 16 with no commitments and 23 with a child. I don't think it would work out op.

I do think it's a big gap based on your ages.
I don't know why, but 18 and 25 doesn't sound as bad.

I think the biggest reason you shouldn't get in to a relationship with him though is the fact that you have a child. He's just too young to be expected to take your child on. I know people at 16 have their own children, but to be expected to take on somebody else's at that age... No. It's unfair to expect him to restrict his life like that for someone else's child.
I was 19 when I got in to a relationship with a man with a child and even then that proved to be difficult. I was not ready for it and over the years it just chipped away at me being in a relationship like that. I'm now 26 and we are no longer together- funny that. I couldn't have handled it any better at 16.

I am confused by the 43 and 50 comments though, that to me doesn't sound weird at all and quite a normal relationship age gap.

he is the one who keeps pushing it i took a step back after speaking to my friend

Do what feels right for you both but don't make any big commitments for a while. Don't go living with him or anything. I dated a 15 year old when I was almost 19 (I'm now 40 something!) and he was as mature as I was. I'm still friends with him now. He only had 1 GF after me, who is now his DW and they have a DS together. He really was ready to settle down at a young age and is very happy. This doesn't apply to everyone of course. You are still young too so you need to have a social life and romantic life. Do what feels right as long as your DC isn't involved or going to get hurt along the way. Do you know that this boy wants to have a relationship too?

16 is still very young emotionally and mentally OP.I have 5DC our second oldest is 17 and he's very mature for his age and is amazing with his younger siblings but he's still to young to be in a relationship with someone who already has a child.

My DH is 7 years younger than me but he was in his 20's with his own house,important job,car and money put away when we met.

The person your talking about is still very much a child,like another poster said there is every chance that his parents would be completely against the relationship.Just think when you were becoming a Mum he was only 14.

In what way has he pushed it?