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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
msrisotto · 04/03/2016 13:10

I don't think people do see it particularly differently when the older one is a woman. I'd be telling a 23 year old guy to leave 16 year olds alone too....

theothermcoy · 04/03/2016 13:10

16 seems very young for that size age gap in practice, especially when there's a child involved. Although, if it was a 16 year old woman and a 23 year old man, I wonder if it would be more socially acceptable. I think a few more years could make all the difference to the success of the relationship, but it looks like it has worked out for some people!

FigMango1 · 04/03/2016 13:10

Yes you can hope and dream that at 18 he would want to saddle himself with someone with a child. Grow up and get your priorities right. him having a baby face and you still being attracted to him is just perverted. You have a child fgs!

CreamofTartar · 04/03/2016 13:10

People are simply asking what a rational 23 year old mother might be attracted to in a 16 year old whose main feature, as she tells it, is his baby-faced looks, and the fact he could pass for 13. What is it, OP?

YouMakeMyDreams · 04/03/2016 13:10

Agree with others before I met Dh I was seeing a 50 year old I was 32 turning 33. At that age the gap wasn't a big deal so it's not the number of years it's the where you both are in life aspect. He is still for all intents and purposes a child. He couldn't go drinking in the pub with you. He is still at the stage where he should be going to college hanging out with his mates and pissing off his parents. You are a parent that has done all that stuff and are at a totally different life point.
Stay friends and see in a couple of years.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/03/2016 13:11

I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you are attracted to this boy.

And then once you've taken a step back, you need to leave him alone, certainly as far as romance goes. You are at very different points in your lives. An age gap of 7 years is nothing when you are thirty, but it's nearly half your life when you are 16. Even if you aren't doing anything that's actually illegal, it really isn't wise, either for you or for him.

Maryz · 04/03/2016 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 04/03/2016 13:12

Those years between 16 and 20 contain a whole lot of maturing.

If the roles were reversed, people would be talking about grooming.

P.S. Welcome to Mumsnet.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 13:12

Be prepared for his family not to approve. Who wants their 16 year old dating a woman who has a child? I wouldn't.

MaidOfStars · 04/03/2016 13:13

my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him
Your friend is bang on the money here. Listen to her/him.

alltouchedout · 04/03/2016 13:14

The age difference itself is not really the problem (6-7 years is a bigger deal when you're younger but nothing as you get older, right?), and he's over the age of consent so legally there isn't a problem, but remember when you were 16 and how much younger you were. And you have the perspective of an adult with the life experience of having a child etc. Your outlooks and maturity and so on are going to be so different.

My eldest DS is coming up 10. If, in 6 or 7 years time, there is a 23 year old wanting to have a relationship with him, I will be horrified. Look at your own DC- can you imagine being OK with it if they were the 16 year old in question?

(I get the babyface thing btw. It's like Leonardo DiCaprio, who's going to be in his 60s before he looks like a real adult. Mind you that explains why I don't fancy Leonardo DiCaprio at all...)

EastMidsGPs · 04/03/2016 13:14

Leave him alone. Let him grow into an adult free from all the hassle of being in a relationship with someone older who already has a child.
Let him plan his own exciting future - freedom to travel, perhaps uni, earning his own money and spending it ... the list is endless.
He is just embarking on adulthood - leave him be to enjoy this and don't saddle him with responsibility however sensible or mature you think he is.
If i was his mum i'd be steaming at you

I'd say the same if it was 16 y old girl and older man with child. These days there is potentially a wonderful and exciting world out there for our young people .. we should encourage them all to go out and find 'their world'. There is plenty of time for responsibility!!

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 13:14

I mentioned that he could pass for 13 because that's how old my friend thought he was when he came over to speak to me , I don't like him because of how young he looks I like him because I've never met anyone who I get on with like I do him ,

OP posts:
molyholy · 04/03/2016 13:14

If this is actually real, as pps have said, it's not the 7 years that's the problem, it's the age. What the hell would a mother of a toddler, see in a teenage boy who probably has a lot more maturing to do (as do you by the sound of it). It's a bit yuck. You can wait until he is 18 if you still want to pursue it in a year or two, but I think he will have matured a bit and will probably have moved on.

0hCrepe · 04/03/2016 13:15

I worked in a campsite at 23 and fell for a French 17yr old life guard. He was so gorgeous! We didn't sleep together until I went to stay with him (in his bedroom at his parents' house) a few months later when he was either 18 or nearly 18. His parents were fine about it. I did sometimes think about the age difference but it didn't bother me too much. I was responsibility free too. It was a lovely relationship but we were too far apart. We've kept in touch and are fb friends (well were till I came off it) and I still think very fondly of him.

For some reason I think 17 sounds more decent than 16 so maybe wait a bit and just build your friendship. I wouldn't expect it to be long lasting either.

SunsetSinger · 04/03/2016 13:15

Guys in their 20's date women in their teens all the time. People do not talk about grooming!! A 16 year old is legally entitled to consent to sex.

mishmash1979 · 04/03/2016 13:15

My parents met when mum was 15 and she took an instant shine to him, they started going out when she was 16 and got married when she was 19. They have been married for over 40 years. There is 14 years between them. Some of the comments on here and on the footballer post have really upset me. By rights I shouldn't exist according to lots of u??!!

Greyponcho · 04/03/2016 13:16

A significant age gap is not important if both people in the relationship are mature enough to be in such a relationship.
You could persue this relationship, but people change so much, particularly during college/uni years (how much have you changed since you were that age?)... just be prepared for that if you go down that route.

Does he plan to go to uni? How would that influence things between you? How would that work with your little one too?

waitingforsomething · 04/03/2016 13:18

I think the general consensus is to look more widely for a partner similar to you in age.
I expect by the time you've waited until he's 18 he will have got on with his life and gone to college/uni/travelling/hang out with mates exactly as he should be doing. You are at very different life stages and its not appropriate

CalleighDoodle · 04/03/2016 13:19

My phoned died as i was writing my comment. At that point the thread had maybe 5 replies. Anyway...

On one thread we have women telling the op that she is out of order and even controlling for being concerned over her 16 year old daughter sending photos of herself in a bikini to random men on tinder because at 16 she is an adult and can do what she wants.

Here we have a woman almost called a paedophile for considering a relationship with a 16 year old male because apparently he is a child.

almondpoisson · 04/03/2016 13:19

Half your age plus 7 is a universally good rule for minimum ages

GasLightShining · 04/03/2016 13:19

My DS is 17 and if he brought a 23yr old I would be a bit concerned. I would not have been impressed if my DD at that age had brought home a 23yr old lad. She is 21 and I would be querying her relationship with a 16yr old

There is large age gap between me and DH but I think it doesn't matter so much when you are older

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 13:20

15 year old dating a 29 year old? Not great.

FairNotFair · 04/03/2016 13:20

proper baby face

Hmm
peggyundercrackers · 04/03/2016 13:23

I don't think its a particularly big gap - he is an adult and can do what he likes really.