to be in love with a 16 year old

[swordandsparrow]

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him

Maryz

'Where is the report button?' Where it's always been.

I am sorry people who think that going full on someone calling her a pedophile, grooming an innocent child and having the guts to tell her how she feels about a person they don't know is just "having andifferent opinion"
You different opinion may be articulated in a constructoive snd non offensive way.
Grow up.

Yes spring. You aren't allowed. I am the MN police. I will arrest you. Or err i might disagree with you

I'd love to know what posts Icing wants to report.

Any PA could be claimed to be a statement of fact. I could call someone a mahoosive bitch and claim it wasn't a PA as I beieve it's true.

I think maybe you've got all you can from the thread and more OP.

Probably her own fireside what with there being a clear rule about on-thread troll hunting.

Sorry ElderlyKoreanLady I am relatively new here. Didn't know that verbal "attacks" like some of the ones I've read on this thread were acceptable. I am trying to keep in mind that there are real people out there that are posting and commenting.
But I read and learn.

I'm baffled by the responses here.

I've seen previous threads where:

people have shrugged their shoulders at two thirteen year old having sex.

People have said to a mother who's 14 year old daughter was having sex with her 17 boyfriend, to make sure it was safe and allow it under her roof

Posters talk proudly of the active sex lives they enjoyed at the age of 13.

Some people on here would have no problem with a 16 year old re-enacting the Karma Sutra every night with a similarly aged boyfriend/girlfriend and would be very harsh towards any parent who didn't think it was a good idea.

So therefore I'm baffled by the idea that it's ok for teenagers to be sexual beings (even regardless of the age of consent according to some) but only with someone their own age.

Do I think it is wise or sensible to get involved with a 16year old, no.

I agree that such an age gap can lead to a power imbalance.

But it's not legally wrong and it certainly doesn't make the OP a paedophile.

I also think if the OP was a mother talking about her teenage daughter, she would have had a very different response.

Why is being a step dad even being brought up ?

Because you have a child. In any relationship you have from now on you will need to think about the impact on it of your son and vice versa. Time to grow up

'Never take advice from people that aren't going to deal with consequences'

In reality, that means don't post threads on an anonymous forum asking for advice, as none of us have to take the consequences.

Why post in the first place, OP? You're an adult, make up your own mind.

Op please don't have a sexual relationship with this guy.

The replies on this post give you an insight into what people will think.

I have a kind polite 17 year old, he is very mature & worldly wise.
His room is full of posters, his room is a mess & he still needs parenting as he isn't an adult yet.
You are not seeing the big picture.

I bought up the step dad thing because whenever you have a relationship with anybody now, potentially they will become a stepdad to your child. Therefore it makes no sense in getting into any kind of relationship with somebody who doesn't want to or can't be a stepdad, or doesn't have the emotional ability and stability that being a stepdad entails. 16 yr old or 40 yr old, it makes no difference.

Just wait a year or two at least. Its great that you feel you've made friends with him and have common interests with him, but he is still only 16/17 and he has a lot of growing up to do (and a lot more ahead that he hasn't seen yet).
And yu do too (you're only 23) but you also have a child and your life should be focused on providing a stable and safe environment for you and your child.
Maybe in a few years when your educations (you and the 16/17 year old) are put to good use, and you have stable jobs, maybe if you still fancy each other then maybe you can give it a go.
But truthfully you need to protect yourself and your child, and also let the 16/17 year old get on with his life and just be his age too. Maybe you have gained a friend through this, but partner/lover or something more, nope not until you and your child are more secure and then any potential partner you are looking for has maturity and stability under his belt. This should be key for you right now.
Surely if you don't want those things (maturity and stability) for you, you must at least want it for your kid.
You are a package now it's just the way it goes.
Let the 16/17 year old go. Fancying this boy will not necessarily make a great relationship for you and your child.

I met my exhusband when he was 16 and I was 21. I had a 3 year old then. Roll on 20 years and we only separated this year. We had a very happy 15 years of marriage and 3 gorgeous kids. He was a great dad to my eldest. So it worked for me the age gap is nothing by today's standards.

Do you resent the fact that you are so young and have a child?
Is your son's father fully involved and supportive, or are you managing on your own and looking for a long-term partner to fill the gap?
Are you just wishing that you were footloose and fancy free as presumably this boy is, and you want that as well?

16 year olds will be hard work - 16 year old boys are a horny mass of hormones. And few would want to be tied down.
Sounds like a bad idea. You will constantly have this 'us against the world' romantiscism too to deal with.
Cease and desist!

Icing:

Report button is this way >>>

HTH.

Now fuck off being rude to me because I disagree that you can actually be in love, rather than just fancy, someone you haven't dated.

Once you've finished reporting me for telling you to fuck off for being rude to me, go watch a Disney princess film and enjoy the love

Icing, you said that people on this thread have teenage children and so should butt out, I think that's ridiculous, these are people who know exactly what 16yr old boys are like! And anyway, I am 22 years old, which is very similar to OP's age, and I can promise you that I could never remotely find a 16yr old attractive - mainly because the gap in development and maturity would be huge. I was a very mature 16yr old myself, but I have changed and developed loads since then. I know 16yr olds, some of them are lovely and we can have a nice little chat, but what I know now, and how my interests and personality have developed since then...there's just no way I could have a relationship with someone so far "behind" me in those terms, sorry I don't mean to sound offensive but there is just a GULF of growing up to do in between those ages, even for the most mature of 16yr olds (of which I was one).

How many of you are with their first partner? How many of you have had only one partner in their lifes?
Also, whilst I realise I am only 22, I am still with my first serious partner (and first sexual partner). We have been married for nearly 2 years and God willing we will remain that way into the future. We are the same age as each other.

Ahem.

I get where you're coming from Icing but actually very few people have outright called the OP a paedophile.

I personally disagree with those that have. But the other points made on this thread are for the most part valid. And FWIW, should the OP decide to ignore all advice from those commenting, as you've advised her to do, and start a relationship with this boy, there are people in RL who will call her a paedophile, rightly or wrongly. The most likely candidates being the child's parents. Because even though the boy is legally old enough to consent to sex, the OP is on morally very shaky ground. A grown adult commencing a relationship with somebody with so little life experience puts the child at a huge disadvantage in terms of whether the relationship can truly happen with them being equals.

Stating opinions like that doesn't make anyone a troll. Far from it. Comments like this are just scratching the surface of the treatment the OP would receive should she start a relationship with this boy. She will very much need to grow a thicker skin.

Report those who outright call the OP a paedophile by all means. But the majority of people still commenting haven't done this.

Yuck, he's practically a child. His mum probably still irons his pants. I didn't even like 16 year olds when I was 16 because they were so immature, like children. I think it's really odd and a bit gross tbh, but that's just me and 99% of other posters on the thread.

I read this and thought it was awful.

Then I remembered that I was 16 when I met my first husband who was 24. I didn't think anything of it, no one seemed to bat an eyelid at the age difference then. We were together for a long time, we didn't divorce due to the age difference.

I look back at myself at the age of 24 and feel a bit sick at the thought of hypothetically dating a 16 year old, when I was 24 16 year olds were still very much children in my eyes. I never felt that there was a huge difference in maturity between me and my ex though, in some ways I had more life experience than him so perhaps he was just really immature. As sexist as this sound I do think girls mature earlier than boys (obviously not always)

I have a 16 year old and he is very much a child. He is an immature 16 year old admittedly but even his more mature friends are still very much children, they do silly things, they have little life experience, and sometimes they seem really mature then they do things to remind me just how immature they really are.

If a woman your age OP went out with him I would be majorly upset and really pissed off and I would wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. That sounds so hypocritical considering I was 16 when I met my 24 year old partner, but I'm now kind of asking myself what the fuck he was thinking dating me at that age.

Anyway, OP step well away. It just isn't worth it.

"So therefore I'm baffled by the idea that it's ok for teenagers to be sexual beings (even regardless of the age of consent according to some) but only with someone their own age."

Don't get why that's baffling at all. Indeed, it's a principle that's recognised in German law. The age of consent for girls and boys is 14, but only when both partners are teenagers (and neither is in a position of authority) because there's a huge difference between two teenagers having a sexual relationship and a teen under 18 with a partner (way) over 18. The latter is far more likely to be exploitative and the younger teenager is automatically in a vulnerable position. This applies whether the teenager is a boy or girl. Under German law, the OP here would be putting herself in danger of prosecution and social services might well get involved. I think the German system protects young people far better than a blanket ban on sex under 16 and then no restrictions over 16. And the German teen pregnancy rate is lower than the UK too (although that's not saying much, since the British rate is higher than most other places).