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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 05/03/2016 09:36

Icing love isn't the feelings you have when you share a bus to college with someone and chat to them and fancy them and know only superficial things about them. Those feelings are awesome! That lovely excitement, the attraction... so good!
But it's not love.

Love is something you build with someone. Love is a verb, and all that.

She's not in love with him, she just fancies him.

I dated a 23yo when I was 16. I fancied him, then I fell in love with him.

I don't think the age difference is an issue.

But I don't think you can call this attention love.

firesidechat · 05/03/2016 09:37

Having been on here a while now, I do think a fair few people misunderstand what love is. The most baffling ones are those that are treated appallingly and yet still claim to love their partner. What does that even mean in the context of an abusive relationship. It's much more likely to be co dependency or fear of the unknown than love.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 09:37

I spend 6 hours a day with him 2 x a week since September .
It's not just randomly seeing him walking down the corridor .

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 05/03/2016 09:39

OP if you have had feelings for this boy for 8 months that you have had to ignore was he 15 when this started or just turned 16?

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 09:39

He's 17 in April

OP posts:
Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 09:41

I just turned 23 in February

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 05/03/2016 09:41

You don't spend 6 hours a day with him, you spend 6 hours a day in the same classroom!

Which is more than enough to get a great feel for someone's personality and fancy them like made.

But you're not in love with him, and arguing that you are makes you sound like a 16yo yourself I'm afraid!

Oh I luuuuuuurrrrrrrrvvvvve him Hmm

You're just very attracted to him, is all.

Lj8893 · 05/03/2016 09:42

Forgive me if you did answer the question earlier but a few people asked what you meant by he was pushing for a relationship? What has he said etc?

springscoming · 05/03/2016 09:43

You need to step away from this child. Most kids his age are at school. At your age you could be his teacher.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 09:52

he isn't at school and she isn't his teacher. And he wasn't 15 when they met.

People are desperate to shoehorn this into some sort of grooming situation and it isn't really.

SlinkyVagabond · 05/03/2016 09:56

Ok op, think about this, the relationship progresses and you become a couple. He's currently full time student, maybe a part time job.spends evenings and weekends studying and with his mates, on his X box etc. You, single mum, most of your time is taken up by that and study, seeing your mates. Is he going to jack in all that to become a full time step parent, give up his time with mates, maybe even his chance at uni? Would you want him to? What about if next year, he is getting ready to go off to uni in another part of the country. Would you want him to give that up?
Sorry to say op, I agree with those up thread that say his ego has had a whopping boost from the attention from an attractive older woman. Be the adult here, put a distance between you. If it is love, then it will find a way. Just not now.

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 09:56

Cabrinha you are tru to your nickname.
How can you tell another person how they feel about their own life? Are you a psychic as well?
Thank you for replying to my question though.
So how did you do the transition between fancing and love? Why didn't you steer clear from someone 7 years your senior only on the stage of fancying?
Where was your mother to warn you?!

ElderlyKoreanLady · 05/03/2016 09:57

I spend 6 hours a day with him 2 x a week since September

OP, you do realise that as the majority of that time is actually in the context of being in the same classroom during a lesson, it's really not long to have spent with someone at all? Certainly not enough to know them well.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 05/03/2016 09:59

Apart from liking the same things (music? Films? Tattoos?) which is not a basis for a relationship when you're an adult (which you are, with a child) but seems very important when you're a teenager (which he is) what else are these feelings based on?

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 10:01

Some nasty trolls here.
Where is the report button?
What's wrong in your own life AKiss?

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 10:04

Why would anyone stop seeing their friends ? Or give up a chance at uni.
I certainly won't be

Posters are making it out that I only like him because he's young and could potentially control him and it's not like that at all.
Also how else am I supposed to explain why I do like him, how do you explain that ?! I just do!
We have the mutual interests , same humour , he's funny , we get on great, he is kind and polite

OP posts:
Maryz · 05/03/2016 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 05/03/2016 10:06

You're going to report someone for having an opinion you don't like Icing? Hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 10:08

People are being a bit disingenuous here.

"Get real. Grow up. You sound 12. You sound like a child" are PAs. Not just "differences of opinions".

springscoming · 05/03/2016 10:08

I wasn't hinting at grooming Fanjo. Just stating facts to try to give the OP some perspective around the age gap. Or are we not allowed to do that here? Hmm

Lj8893 · 05/03/2016 10:10

And how would he feel at potentially being a stepdad?

Maryz · 05/03/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 05/03/2016 10:11

Icing your over romanticised view of love is one thing, but calling troll when there are no trolls is ridiculous.

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 10:12

OP, this is probably my last comment on this thread.

Try to distinguish the troll comments from the ones that give an opinion.
Also never take advice from people that are not going to deal witn the consequences. (You don't fall in live with your classmates that you know and spend so much time together? Haha, yes you're much better off "dating" total strangers in cafes and restaurants I imagine. Or on drunk hung outs.)

It is up to you to decide how you want this possible relationship to progress. We cannot and should not make this decision for you.
However I would have preferred that in my life there were no regrets of something I didn't do.
This is your life and none else's.

Bear in mind that people change in that age but you will change too. It is impossible to predict how long this will last and whether you will be on the same wavelength inseveral years.

Relationships between older women and younger men strangely work and have worked in history. Agatha Crhristie had younger second husband.

Some of your friends don't approve? Where are your friends going to be in a couple of years, 10 years? In your life? In their own lives?

If you're not sure don't rush. Let the things take shape with time.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 10:13

Why is being a step dad even being brought up ?
That would most probably be sometime in the far future and if he stuck around it obviously wouldn't bother him.

But as for right here right now, no such conversation has took place as I have rejected any advances

OP posts:
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