Thank you mumsnet but it's over

[ComeonSummer1]

Been a poster for the last 8 years and it's been good.

However recently things have changed.

Far too many adverts seem to pop and it's got too commercial.

Tonight there's a really nasty mil thread that consist of posters slagging off their mothers/mils for doing the ironing FFS.

Earlier posters defended a paedophile footballer.

Anyway time out and sadly end of an era for me.

I actually can't believe half the threads here as so ridiculous.

It's sad but the site isn't what it was.

[thecatfromjapan]

I used to think Rorty's liberal community was a form of liberal oppression. As AIBU has developed, I have changed my mind completely.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Billsykes well..yes if people's strong views are disablist I'd rather they didn't post them I guess. I can't stop them. Although there are talk guidelines. If they are just different then fair enough.

Sparkling. .fair enough. But as you see posters like Billsykes make same comments to me so I think it's valid that I addressed it here

[Sparklingbrook]

This is me on MN.

[NickiFury]

I still like MN, it is different but not a bad way.

The only thing I despise is when people come onto threads in AIBU and seem to be competing to be as nasty as possible, all the whole hiding behind "well it is AIBU, why did you bother posting if you didn't want straight advice". There's a real herd mentality in the way people dive on just to get their chance at telling the OP off. Nauseating.

[BunnyTyler]

It's actually at times when posters have called out other people for things that I have probably learned the most tbh.

For eg on a post that I didn't see a problem with initially, when someone else points out a different context or how it would/could/is perceived or interpreted by others.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Sparkling well as my granny used to say better out than in so maybe you would feel all liberated if you let it all out?

[Sparklingbrook]

Mine used to say 'less is more'.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I think it is symptomatic of wider society, where people seem to have totally forgotten how to discuss and debate things, and anyone who has a different opinion from you is wrong and must he shouted down.

I find myself prefacing everything with "Just my personal opinion but..." in order to pre empt the inevitable aggressive posts from posters with a different point of view. And loads of people really are unescessarily aggressive.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Mind you mine often used to say don't sit on a cold step or you'll get piles.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

Fanjo mine used to say the same about the underheated floor.

[RhodaBull]

I agree that some people think every thread is AIBU and unpleasantly lay into someone who is, I don't know, looking for a book recommendation.

I also dislike the way - and I know it's done for "traffic" - that people post in AIBU when it's not an AIBU at all. So annoying. I had a quick glance down the titles just now and sure enough there were people wanting to discuss all manner of things that weren't at all U. Can there not be an "uber moderator" who reallocates all AIBUs to their rightful place?

I like the way things have become less cliquey. I have been on here 11 years and it was frustrating that in my early days you could be talked over or ignored and there was all this frightful [waves at AceName] sort of stuff and blanket agreeing with MN Royalty (puke).

I dislike the lack of humour police. And the "they may have a hidden disability" police. I hope I am generally a kind and tolerant person, but some posters take this to the extreme of extremes. They'll defend an axe-wielding child on a bus whilst screaming abuse at other posters. Strange.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

A cold step would be quite soothing on piles in fact!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Err I imagine

[Feenie]

Hae lost his liberty and livelihood because he's a fucking paedophile. Hth."

Point of detail.

Paedophilia refers to pre-pubescent children. There has been no reporting whatsoever that the 15 year old was still prepubescent.

It is unlikely therefore that this was paedophilia. It was definitely illegal sexual contact with a minor.

Paedophilia is a sexual interest in children. There is no distinction. By law the victim is a child.

He is, without doubt, a paedophile.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I haven't really seen anyone mentioning hidden disabilities in kids unless they see real red flags they see in their own kids. And therefore want to try and gain more understanding for kids like theirs.and usually if seen as "screaming abuse" it's because they are genuinely upset by attitudes.

And I am actually not speaking for myself here as I don't actually wade in and point out hidden disabilities that often. My DD has a very unbidden disability.

I just see the other side too. People need to do more of that on here.

[RhodaBull]

I didn't mean to offend, Fanjo. I really do try to be aware of people's difficulties. I suppose what I mean is particularly when there is a light-hearted thread about, say, Performance Parenting going on, and in comes someone to say that maybe Tarquin in Waitrose has a hidden disability and that's why his mother is talking in a loud voice about the vitamin C content of a sharon fruit.

[DropYourSword]

I'm getting frustrated at the amount of times posters smugly determine that the OP is a troll. Yes, the thing they are posting about is unusual, that's exactly why they are posting! It happened on virtually every thread I read the other week. They were 'obviously' trolls for often contradicting reasons!
The other thing I'm finding really frustrating is that more and more frequently posters seem to be mistaking a thread about someone's actual emotions as a bloody soap opera. Demanding the OP to LTB immediately and then throwing up arms in despair because they haven't done so within 24 hours and then asking the OP why they even bothered asking for advice. Or complaining an update hasn't been written quick enough for them. Or demanding to know, on a thread with 400+ posts, why the OP hasn't answered their specific questions.
There are also a couple of prolific posters who I find extremely rude, pushy and full of themselves and I disagree with almost everything they say.
Am totally addicted to MN and I love working my way through some hilarious or tear jerking classics threads. I have learned a lot of things here too, especially regarding SN and NT kids. But, as a pp has already mentioned, I don't think when my baby is born I'll be coming on here looking for much in the way of genuine advice or support, because I've seen way too many people being ripped the hell apart for what I really thought was a reasonable request for advice.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Not offended rhoda :)

It's just I can see why people might even say that. People with kids with speech difficulties have to speak loudly and sound like they are performance parenting. They probably feel totally self conscious about it so want to raise awareness when they can that there are other reasons.

Of course some parents are indeed just poncey twats.

I just don't think people mentioning hidden disabilities are necessarily being police or PC or anything.

Everyone needs to be a bit kind to others I feel

[NatashaGurdin]

Feenie Fri 04-Mar-16 12:33:25

Paedophilia is a sexual interest in children. There is no distinction. By law the victim is a child.

He is, without doubt, a paedophile.

Actually there are a couple of other terms that seem to be in use more recently in addition to the well known Paedophilia:

Hebephilia is the strong and persistent adult sexual interest in pubescent (early adolescent) individuals, typically ages 11–14

and

Ephebophilia is the primary or exclusive adult sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19

There seem to be terms for all different age ranges now but presumably the perpetrator in this case falls into the latter.

[GarlicShake]

Rorty's liberal community - and, hey presto, a Mumsnetter has just done what MN has so often done for me: expanded my education!

[BunnyTyler]

Some posters names really stick out to me, for eg Fanjo - I see you and others come sweeping in on a disablist thread and do a straight to the point post pointing out exactly what is wrong.
Sometimes people are too woolly or handwringy when trying to point out how something is offensive and are at pains not to offend, and a no nonsense 'call out' is what's needed.

There are some posters who I have had completely opposite viewpoints to over the last few years, and we have been practically head to head on a thread - but then I'll be 100% behind the same poster on a different topic.

Everyone is an individual and has different attitudes and personal insight.
What one person might see as aggressive, another would see as strident.
I prefer straight talking myself and am aware that I can come across as brusque at times, but i know that not all people are like me.

[GarlicShake]

I think it is symptomatic of wider society, where people seem to have totally forgotten how to discuss and debate things, and anyone who has a different opinion from you is wrong and must be shouted down.

Yes, I agree. I suspect the preferred format of 'reality' TV hasn't helped.

[Feenie]

in addition to

Exactly.

Not instead of.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Without fail if I have ever been accused of being aggressive on here it is when I have opened up and spoke from my heart about things upsetting to me and have not even been feeling angry...

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It's a minefield