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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

307 replies

Chiup · 02/03/2016 14:33

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CantThink5 · 02/03/2016 19:10

I do get where you are coming from.
It is def pfb but I can more than relate.
A month is a long time on a sofa bed & would disrupt the whole house. Could you stay in your ds room & give pil your room?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 02/03/2016 19:12

YANBU...a month seems like a long time imo for someone to come and stay especially if you don't really have the space. My ds is 8 months old but we put him in his own room at 5 months and he's been a great sleeper ever since. I'd be loathe to have him back in our room unless necessary especially when my dp is a noisy snorer and talks loudly in his sleep!

AugustaFinkNottle · 02/03/2016 19:20

A month with three extra adults in a small house is my idea of hell. I think the B&B option sounds best for everyone.

lavenderhoney · 02/03/2016 19:23

A month! Do they plan to spend every day with you? And evening?

Check if they are hiring a car etc. Tell them it's ok if they want to spend a few days elsewhere sight seeing. Without you. Whatever happens you need a flexible and organised plan.

Put the baby in with you because it's your space and no one will come barging into your bedroom when you shut the door for a nap ( or silent scream)

And be nice because no doubt soon you may think ( depending on where they live) ooh, baby and I could go and stay and dh join us for a holiday. You won't be amused to be on a sofa bed for a month:)

Keep doing all the things you normally do like baby groups etc. They can attend too if they like. Make sure they know you aren't dashing back to cook lunch.

I've stayed with my pil for weeks alone with the DC and had my own room and bathroom - I can't imagine the stress without that. Also my DM came to stay with me for 3 weeks abroad and she had her own room and was very kind, it was too long.

Absolutely stop calling your baby's room a guest room - and get rid of the double bed when they have gone. Are they planning to come every year?!!!!

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 02/03/2016 19:28

YANBU to ask them to stay in an apartment.

But if they do stay in your house, do it properly and with good grace and treat them like VIPs.

Littlehooty · 02/03/2016 19:44

You sleep in your son's room when he's teething Hmm if that's the case you should just go in there and give your in laws your room. Incredibly PFB.

vcrees6 · 02/03/2016 19:52

I feel for you OP as we have both sets of our parents staying for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks at a time in our 2 bed flat.

When DS was younger - that is 18 months and below - he was still getting up at least once a night and/or eventually ending up in our bed so he just shared our room and PIL had DS's room. So I think at the age your son is YABU.

Recently though (DS is 2 now and a very good sleeper so we are used to full nights sleep again) PIL came to stay and we slept on sofa bed in DS's room with PIL in our room. But DS would not sleep in his own cot once he realised we were there with him and basically we got no sleep because he was so fidgety. We ended up sleeping on a mattress in the living room. We had no private space of our own so was not fun. And so it will not be comfortable for your PIL at all.

I suggest that this time you suck it up and have DS in your room. But make sure you lay the ground work asap that next time that they will probably need to stay elsewhere for it to be a comfortable visit for all.

LaurieMarlow · 02/03/2016 19:52

Wow. They're landing on you for a month in a tiny house when you have a small baby. I don't think you're the one being unreasonable.

lavenderhoney · 02/03/2016 19:54

The other option of course is to say " fabulous! Ds is SO looking forward to sharing his bedroom with you" he doesn't wake much... Hahaha:)

Becca1818 · 02/03/2016 19:56

I've had relatives stay and they have slept in the lounge and not taken ds out of his room to accommodate them as its his room, his routine etc. Albeit it was only for a night or two and not a month! I would not have guests for a month. Regardless of sleeping arrangements.

CottonSock · 02/03/2016 19:58

No way I would have visitors for that long, sounds like hello (not helpful)

Heatherplant · 02/03/2016 20:00

YANBU, you're trying to get a sleep pattern going and moving baby back into your room is likely to set that back. If they don't like the sleeping arrangements then they have the option of booking a hotel room.

tobysmum77 · 02/03/2016 20:01

Well if my pils were descending for a month week plus I would find them somewhere to stay so we could all have some space and finish the holiday speaking Grin

You are a stronger woman than me op.

LilacAndLovely · 02/03/2016 20:06

I think you're crazy.

Personally if I had guests coming for a month then i'd much rather they slept in a bedroom, along with a months worth of stuff that they'll bring, and be able to shut the door behind them.

A MONTH in the living room? Where are they keeping their clothes? All their shit will be in the way, you'll have duvets and pillows to pack away every day. Fancy a late night? Or an early start? You can't. If they want to go to bed you'll have to vacate the room and will feel uncomfortable in the morning if you're up first and you have to disturb them or tip toe around.

Sounds like hell on a stick. Apart from that though...YABU IMO. If you've agreed to have them stay then treat them like guests and have the baby in with you.

Last time we had guests (for four nights) we had both ds's in with us (aged 5 and 7) sleeping in the bed with us. It was a squish, but we managed.

SouthPole · 02/03/2016 20:09

There just are no words.

Hideous, OP.

mrsmugoo · 02/03/2016 20:17

I sympathise with you OP, I would feel exactly the same. However, I would suck it up and accommodate PIL this once but explain that by the time they visit again your DS will be in that room as he's graduating to needing his own room then and they would need to use the sofa bed. They surely must understand the situation in a 2 bed flat.

I have a 2 year old that now has taken over our guest room (2 bed flat) so we can no longer put parents up. At a push we would sleep in the double that's still in that room for one or two nights and offer our bed to guests but certainly not not for a month.

EllsTeeth · 02/03/2016 20:20

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!! As a parent of 2 frequent wakers I definitely wouldn't be prepared to sacrifice sleep for ANY guest. Especially for a MONTH! Jeez! OP you are a saint for having them at all for that long when you have a young baby who still wakes at night. No way would I be disrupting a hard won sleep routine. They'd be in alternative accommodation or not come at all I'm afraid! Surely anyone who has been sleep deprived would think YANBU??

Choughed · 02/03/2016 20:22

Good God no! Five adults and an 8 month old in a 2 bed flat. For a month. It would be carnage. They need to find alternative accommodation.

Are you taking holidays at all while they are visiting? Could you all rent a house somewhere together for a week or two?

semideponent · 02/03/2016 20:24

I'm with chocolate addict. If they're staying for a month and you only have a 2bed apt, they ought to be understanding, IMO. My ILs did a similar thing about 10 yrs ago and it was difficult. You're going to be coping with a baby and guests. If it were me, I'd need a room of my own.

Fwiw, boundaries have ended up being a problem with my ILs. Does your DP understand the potential difficulties here? If so, maybe he's the one to sort out a solution with them. They might bellyache a bit, but in the long run good boundaries and a bit of imagination and empathy on both sides helps with a good IL relationship. My 2 cents.

theycallmemellojello · 02/03/2016 20:24

Why can't your baby sleep in the lounge?? He won't know the difference... This is clearly about more than the baby's sleep routine. And if you don't like guests, why on earth do you want your lounge to be effectively unusable for a month. That's a much more stressful guest situation than giving them a bedroom. YABVU.

Loqo · 02/03/2016 20:37

Someone suggested putting the baby in the ensuite bathroom earlier in the thread. That sounds like a good idea. You could lay towels or rugs around the room if it's echo'y the only compromise then would be that you have to share the family bathroom.

HicDraconis · 02/03/2016 20:42

The thing that strikes me from your OP is that they are coming from overseas. Which means that probably, coming for a month makes more sense as I imagine it's not a trip they can do as often as someone that lives in the same country.

We live overseas from our respective families. I have had MiL staying for several months, my father for 4 months, my sister and her fiance for 3 weeks - the reality is that we are too far away for them to stay for shorter periods of time.

How welcome are your in laws? Really?

Having had family stay for extended periods of time, I definitely wouldn't ask your in laws to stay in the lounge. Apart from the obvious (it looks very unwelcoming, makes them feel in your way and unwanted) - they will have cases of clothes, there will be bedding to store somewhere, there will be logistical nightmares of who goes to bed and when, there will be no space for you to escape to. Believe me sitting in your bedroom seething because someone's in the lounge, where you would like to be sitting with your morning coffee but you can't because you need your morning coffee before you can face people with a friendly face, is the pits.

I suggest you move DS back in with you and give them the guest room, or move yourselves in with him (if you can move your clothes etc out relatively easily) and give your in laws your room with the en suite. This way you all have your own spaces and the lounge remains a communal area (that you can access without falling over stuff).

I would never dream of asking my family to stump up for a hotel or B&B when they've paid to travel to see me. But then I love having people to stay :)

villainousbroodmare · 02/03/2016 20:47

Wow. YABVVVU. Hard to believe you are even considering this.

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2016 20:48

I'm laughing so much at "Why can't the baby sleep in the lounge."

BECAUSE ADULTS WILL BE SITTING IN THERE WATCHING TV AND TALKING AT NIGHT, YOU NUMPTY!

bumblefeline · 02/03/2016 21:00

Your PIL are BVVU for wanting to stay for so long. I'd move out.