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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken toddler in quiet carriage

164 replies

MamaAwayOnBusiness · 28/02/2016 21:22

Took my DS(2) to London this weekend and after habit (I usually travel this line for work) booked the quiet coach. I deliberately chose his nap time for the journey and he did sleep all the way. But I see another thread now people advising OP to book quiet coach if she wanted to avoid kids and I realise I might have made a commuter faux pas had my boy not been asleep. I wouldn't have been able to move with a pushchair, two bags and the whole shebang. I thought quiet coach meant no phones, no music and no loud conversation, a usual 2yo heckling about seeing trains, cows and boats would have been ok. WIBU?

OP posts:
Yoksha · 01/03/2016 17:40

Oooh SocksRock,
Poor you. I really felt your frustration in that post.Smile

OnlyLovers · 01/03/2016 17:44

waterrat, the problem is that with the best will in the world and the most attentive parents, toddlers are not easy to keep 'low key'.

As someone says above, the common-sense guideline for the quiet coach is to treat it like a library, and people wouldn't take small children into the adult section of a library confident of their ability to keep them quiet enough not to disturb other people.

It's not being kid unfriendly; it's just realising that sometimes people want to opt for a quiet train journey.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 01/03/2016 17:56

it's just realising that sometimes people want to opt for a quiet train journey.

But it's public transport, I might like to take the last train home from a night out and not have someone the worse for drink trying to chat me up. Or I might nor want someone smelling if BO next to me on the bus, but i haven't paid for exclusive use so I just need to get on with it.

When I've been in a quiet carriage it specifies no mobile phones, no music and no loud leery behaviour kind of goes without saying tbh. Anything else is fine.

And LifeofI, YWBU, why didn't you just stick the phone on silent if you weren't answering it anyway?

OnlyLovers · 01/03/2016 18:03

One, in your examples no, you haven't paid for exclusive use or to sit somewhere on a train guaranteed not to contain drunken idiots.

But in the quiet coach example, people deliberately opt to sit there because they know (in theory) that they'll be able to enjoy some quiet.

I and others have said this until we're blue in the face, but along with phones and music the quiet coach rules generally don't just specify 'no loud leery behaviour' but actively ask for only quiet conversation. Which is hard to achieve with a small child. So common sense suggests that taking a small child in the quiet carriage is not the world's best idea.

Loqo · 01/03/2016 18:15

You were only being unreasonable if your DC was noisy.

If your DC was asleep then ywnbu

It drives me crazy if people are noisy I the quiet carriage. A quiet chat is ok but not phones or music or..... kids shreaky voices.

Foginthehills · 03/03/2016 08:49

To all of you getting annoyed about being required to be quiet in the Quiet Carriage - I'm curious.

What is so wrong with some travellers on public transport wanting to travel in a quiet calm place? To sleep, to think, to work, to read? They are just as much members of the public being transported as other travellers who want to talk etc.

So why does it seem that others seem almost to take offence at their fellow travellers' wish for quiet, and the provision of a Quiet Carriage - just one - in long distance trains, for those who choose quiet?

I really don't get it, the way some people find it almost offensive that others might want quiet. It's just one carriage, and there are usually 3 to 4 other carriages which are NOT designated "Quiet".

I get it that sometimes booking systems are idiotic and book people into the Quiet Carriage when they haven't deliberately chosen that, but otherwise, just what is the problem with a Quiet COach for those who choose it?

Although if you have to travel by CrossCountry there is no choice. They've got rid of the designated Quiet Coach, and just ask people to "consider others" - unsurprisingly, most passengers don't. They are horrible trains to travel in.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/03/2016 08:58

waterrat - the UK is not alone in having quiet carriages. They are also on the trains in Australia. And they are very specific about it also relating to loud conversation, as well as phone conversations, music etc. There are not only signs in the quiet carriages, but announcements made at the beginning of the journey and sporadically throughout the journey, reminding people which carriages are the quiet ones, what the expectations are, and that people can move if they want to chat.

Foginthehills · 03/03/2016 09:56

I've travelled in trains in the East coast of America where they have one Quiet Coach per long distance train. The guard announces that a library level if Quiet is expected, so no phones etc, but also a minimum bof conversation. It's the same in Scandinavia too. And people are far more polite about observing that.

It just seems to be the UK where it's resented and flouted.

Andrewofgg · 03/03/2016 10:10

Talk is one thing, as quiet as you can keep a child - but no noisy toys and that includes electronic games unless they are set to silent and remain on silent.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 03/03/2016 17:19

Again as I mentioned in a previous post please remember some parents end up in the quiet carriage with a toddler without having requested it. There is no box on any on the train companies I have travelled with to say you don't want the quiet carriage.

Andrewofgg · 03/03/2016 19:20

Understood - but in that case you still have to do without noisy toys. It will probably mean giving the toddler a lot of attention. That you did not ask for the quiet coach is neither here nor there for the other passengers.

Foginthehills · 04/03/2016 08:56

If only other passengers took that attitude Andrew - you can read the resentment on this thread. It's sometimes far worse IRL

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2016 09:51

I was on the train this morning, into Sydney, takes 2 hours. I was in the quiet carriage. We were about half an hour out of Sydney when a man suddenly spoke loudly: "Would you two please shut up! This is a quiet carriage! Have some respect"
Held my breath...
But the guilty parties said "Fair enough, sorry" and shut up.
Phew!

Quite often there is someone who does sa something to chatterers, but more often it's older ladies. People usually do either move or be quiet, but there can be some PA comments, especially if the guilty one is on the phone, like "Oh I've got to go now, I've just been told off by some old woman, yeah, I'm in the quiet carriage, it's not like I'm playing loud music or anything, anyway, speak to you later" (and that's the politer ones!)

Greengager · 04/03/2016 12:18

I take mine (3 and 5) on a quiet carriage if it looks like the best place for a seating them all at a table so they can get in with colouring etc. It's a train not a Trappist convent FFS. Don't see why children should be pushed out of public spaces. I wouldn't want badly behaved loud adults OR kids in there but mine are not that.

So yanbu

Foginthehills · 04/03/2016 15:05

But children are not being pushed out of public space. There are always other carriages not designated "Quiet" where they can be as noisy as children can be.

Why should your desire for a table trump other passengers' wish for peace and quiet to work, or sleep, or read, or just enjoy a quiet trip?

If you want a table, but are travelling with (potentially) noisy children, then why not book table seats, or go to another carriage, where your children's noise won't disturb passengers who have deliberately booked a quiet journey?

angelos02 · 04/03/2016 15:13

So Greengager, I assume you understand the dictionary definition of 'quiet' - 'little or no noise'? The quiet coach should be sufficiently peaceful that I can nod off in there. Sorry for stating the obvious.

SocksRock · 04/03/2016 21:35

As before, I would bloody love not to be in the quiet coach with my kids. Please please complain (as I have) to the train operating companies who do not have a "no quiet coach" option when booking.

Or do you all thing I should have moved us with bags and a buggy to lots of separate seats just so we weren't in the quiet coach? On my own?

Dollymixtureyumyum · 04/03/2016 21:38

But what if we are put in the quiet carriage thought no fault of our own and what if the rest of the train is full so we can't move to another carriage.
I found myself in the quiet carriage with a 2 year old without asking for it and he was very well behaved. But he could just as easily decided to make some noise and yes I would have done my level best to calm him down as I always do and I would have succeeded but this could have taken a good few minutes and disturbed others.

Until train company's realise this and include a box that says you don't want to be seated in the quiet carriage you are going to get children making a noise in that carriage.

Theladyloriana · 04/03/2016 21:39

OMG!! Yabu!!!!

Foginthehills · 04/03/2016 21:42

Yes, I understand that tbe train booking sites are rubbish that way.

But as other posters have said, other passengers have deliberately booked for peace and quiet and it's a reasonable expectation that they get peace and quiet.

Don't take your frustration out on other passengers. They're not at fault.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 04/03/2016 21:43

I have complained also socksrocks. I have even emailed asking if there is any way to avoid this on a journey and been told no. So please complain and suggest to the train company they need to have an opt out of quiet carriage box (This would also be good for people who know they may need to make phone calls on a journey or for a group that wants to chat)
Believe me if there was an opt out box most parents (and I say most as you always get a few) would use it with pleasure

SocksRock · 04/03/2016 21:46

Of course they aren't at fault. But they have to understand that we are in there through no fault of our own either. I had no way of avoiding being in there and keeping a 1yo quiet enough for others to sleep for 6 hours is impossible. We had no electronics of any sort, just colouring and sticker books and food. But we were talking, I was reading stories to her (quietly but still talking). They were incredibly well behaved, but still not silent.

What would you suggest that I did? If the train companies want to promise a reasonable expectation then they need to have systems that can deliver this. They told me that to move my seats I would have had to cancel the tickets, at a penalty of £10 per ticket and rebook, at a higher price as I had advance tickets that were no longer available. I had already paid for seats for the under 5's so they had a seat. If they could have moved us for free, that would have been perfect but they wouldn't even do that. The conductor wouldn't help either.

This has happened more than once as well.

Dollymixtureyumyum · 04/03/2016 21:49

I know they are not at fault quite a lot of the time no one is at fault.
I feel for the people who want peace and quiet and I also feel for the mum who finds herself in the quiet carriage, desperately trying to keep her lively toddler quiet when all that toddler wants to do is tell the whole carriage how many cows or sheep they have just seen in the field that has just gone past.
Introducing an opt out box would be so simple and I should imagine make a lot of people's journeys on both side of the argument a lot more enjoyable

cruikshank · 04/03/2016 21:50

All of those people who couldn't possibly stomach the possibility of a child (OH MY GOD NOT CHILD THIS IS VIOLATING MY RIGHTS) being in the same carriage as them need to petition the TOCs to provide child-free carriages. And until then, man the fuck up.

CornishDoll82 · 04/03/2016 21:50

Quiet coach means no mobile phones, despite whatever else people would like it to mean. It's a train not a library. Stop being ridiculous people