...Or are our friends?

[flyfree1394]

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

How big is the wedding? My first thought was that this is cost related - i.e. she doesn't want to pay for a child to have an adult meal! (Totally appreciating that this is bonkers, tight and mean.) However, I think others suggestions that they have another BM / flower girls who can step in may in fact be the case. That is really awful, and far worse even than her behaviour so far, but at least if that is the case you can walk away from the friendship knowing you are better off without them? I can't see how they can be so blaze about losing the BM and flower girls otherwise.

Wonder if bride to be's head will explode when she finds children of other patrons [not to do with the wedding] at the Pub/ Bar Whatever

"can't see how they can be so blaze about losing the BM and flower girls otherwise."

Unless, in her haze of Bridezillaness, she genuinely does not see that she is BU but thinks you are by not dancing to her tune and saying "oh ok, no problem, we'll get childcare for DD". It's a standoff in the same way you are by saying none of you will attend now and not compromising.

Out of interest, had it been a child free wedding from the outset and the DDs had not been asked to be BMs, would you have been prepared to get the DDs looked after and attended alone?

I'm not sticking up for the bride btw, I'm just trying to see things from a different angle!