...Or are our friends?

[flyfree1394]

Have three DDs aged 14, 12 and 9.

Very good friends announced their engagement a few months ago and invited the DDs to be flower girls - all three delighted.

Have now received formal invitation.

It says on it that no child under 10 can attend. DD3 is 9, will still be 9 at the time of the wedding.

Contacted friends to check that DD3 was still a flower girl.

Basically they want her there for the ceremony, pictures etc, but she won't be allowed to come to the reception/party afterwards. In short DD3 is expected to sit through a long ceremony, pose for pictures, look like a little angel, etc, then watch her sisters go to a fun party that she can't attend. We are expected to sort out childcare in a place that is miles from our home.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous?

I'm wondering if bride has a family member with a really badly behaved 9yo, and the only way they can be sure that that child can't come is by imposing this silly age limit. Just trying to think of a reason why someone would deliberately upset their best friends like this. It is truly baffling.

Yes, book the w/e away for the same w/e of the wedding. You'll all behaving too much fun to give it a thought.

And I would so want to spend ages after talking about our fabulous w/e, and eventually say "oh, yes. You got married. How was it? Fine. Jolly good." and then change the subject.

(I wouldn't actually do that, but I would fantasise my arse off!)

Oh dear lord. This is awful. Your poor daughter (well daughters)

I'm getting married at the end of the year and am genuinely shocked that someone would behave this badly, I considered child free (but decided against it) but to only have 3 children invited and exclude one of them when all three are in the bridal party is just appalling
Glad you're not going, don't let her use your girls as props. Have a fabulous time away, tell her to stick her ridiculous wedding!

I've been in pubs that serve Chinese food instead of the standard 'pub fayre'. And Indian food (different pubs from the Chinese food pubs). Maybe it's a Midlands thing?

My old local was a Thai pub. It was brilliantly incongruous; a proper old-man pub with darts and beer in jugs, serving beautiful Thai food cooked by the landlord's wife. Brilliant.

Think the friendship is ruined whether the bride has a change of heart or not - if she relents, she will feel bullied into it, and resent OP forever. You can't un-ring the bell. What has been said has been said.
No-win situation here.

Weddings, in my opinion, are dull and even more so for children.

Such a shame that your friendship has had to end over something so bloody stupid as 9 weeks in age.

Once they realise what has happened, that they have lost members of their wedding party and friends, I wonder if they will come back to you.

Good point pax

I have also been to a couple of 40th & 50th birthday parties that were wannabe wedding receptions. They were utterly hideous.

That doesn't seem fair. We're going to a family wedding where, due to space limitations, children aren't invited. Our DCs are flower girls and there was a follow up to the invite to say that, of course, the no children thing didn’t apply to them.

The bride (and groom's) behaviour is inexplicable. I mean I literally cannot explain it nor have read an explanation yet, where you think - 'Oh so that's why they did it - selfish and ridiculous but there you go'.

She picked an abitrary age to cut off the youngest bridesmaid (not from the ceremony or photos but just from the reception).

She knew the third bridesmaid was sister of the other two bridesmaids and the best man is their dad.

Did she not think those two statements would collide at some point?

Then when they do collide, she prefers to lose her three bridesmaids and best man rather than have the third bridesmaid at the reception.

She is almost certainly going to lose the friendship of her and groom's best friends.

It would seem like masochism if it wasn't so bloody mean towards third bridesmaid.

Who on earth thinks it's fine to invite two out of three children to a wedding?

My SIL

DB2....Invited with his DW and youngest DD was a bridesmaid, the other 4 DC's weren't invited

DB5...Invited with DW and oldest DD was bridesmaid, younger DD wasn't invited so SIL didnt go

No other DC's (DB1 x2, DB3 x4, DB4 x1 were invited)

Bridezilla SIL couldn't comprehend why people took exception

I'm just wondering if there's another agenda going on here! Present the OP's family with a fait accompli so that there is no option but to pull out en masse. Maybe there's another best man waiting in the wings, and it was easier to treat an old friend in this manner rather offend said unknown.

Other than that, I simply can't understand the dynamics here.

*rather than.

One has to hope that Bridezilla has some sense knocked into her by others she relates this tale to.

BZ: Can you believe it? The best man and his family have pulled out of attending our wedding.
Sensible friend (SF): Oh dear, why?
BZ: Well, obviously we couldn't allow their youngest daughter to come to the reception after she's been a flower girl, because she's only 9 years and 10 months old, instead of 10.
SF: You did WHAT? Get on the bloody phone right now and apologize until your throat tingles and beg them for forgiveness for you having lost all sense of everything and please will they come after all. All of them.

Were they wanting to save the price of a meal? Because they couldn't get child size portions? And they decided they didn't want to pay for an adult meal for her

@Clam.

What did they say when they realised they'd lost their flower girls & best man in one fell swoop?

Next time you invite them round (not that you will do so again, I suspect!) you could serve drinks and then demand that she leaves before dinner. The groom is your DH's friend and you haven't known her as long, so she can sit in the car for the rest of the evening....

I've let myself get so angry reading this thread I probably won't sleep now. OP they don't deserve you and your lovely family. I hold you have a brilliant weekend wherever you end up. And I hope Bridezilla looks back on this in years to come and cringes with embarrassment.

Surely you could have pushed the conversation a bit further? Said to her 'surely it would be better that dd eat whatever is served as I'm sure she will, than none of us go'? This will have a really bad effect on the friendship in the long term, it just doesn't seem conceivable that you or your dh couldn't just have a sensible conversation with such supposedly good friends.

Voice of sensibility here. Ive read 300 odd posts just now and none of you seem to get it. Forgive me if im blunt but heres my take...

OP has daughters privately invited to be flower girls (agreat honour and lovely)

OP then recieves 'formal invitation'. (The same one sent out to everyone)

OP takes offence (even though she/her daughters have been asked specifically to attend, privately)

OP doesnt actually bother contacting best friend to confirm that because they are flower girls the 10 years rule is invalid (i bet they didnt think for 1 second that it would come to a 360 post conundrum on MN)

Pick up the 'phone o your friend OP, rather than get all dramad up.

And seriously, youve played this 'drama' out infront of your 2 other children?

Percieving insults that arent there is very unhealthy.

If im wrong, happy to be flamed.

I can't believe that the husband to be didn't put up more of a fight to try and sort it and keep his best man. He must be a proper wet lettuce!

To echo most of the other comments, I find it hard to believe that they think it ok to exclude your DD in such circumstances.

We were invited to a child free wedding last year and the invitation stated no children except for those in the wedding party - no problem with that!

BIL also had a child free wedding. The venue was a long distance for most guests. Several children were family members whose potential babysitters were guests at the wedding. Therefore, a couple of nannies were hired to look after the kids at the hotel. Apparently, they had a great time!

What thread have you read tout? If I remember the op has been in touch with the bride twice and her husband has spoken the groom. The youngest is not invited to the party only the ceremony. The bride and groom have both confirmed this.