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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
tanukiton · 27/02/2016 22:30

ah if she owns then don t do but let her know what is happening.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 22:30

Wow, then you really cannot possibly be contemplating accepting his offer (assuming that it is genuine of course, which it most likely is not!)

chillycurtains · 27/02/2016 22:31

No I wouldn't but most importantly I would talk to her asap. If he is controlling and trying to buy in your road then someone else will sell to him. Early warning gives her the chance to move if she is renting or get a restraining order if she owns the house and thinks it's necessary.
If she can move could she move quietly whilst you sell the house to him?

DownWithTitchenor · 27/02/2016 22:31

I can't believe you are even considering this - it's a deliberate attempt by the ex to cause problems in your friendship - looks likes he has succeeded...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/02/2016 22:31

Either way, FGS tell your friend, never mind "when I've made my mind up" - tell her NOW.

As you've said, there are other properties for sale on the same street - if he doesn't buy yours, he'll buy one of those.

As a matter of interest, does he know you're her friend? Perhaps he's done this deliberately to ruin the friendship between you, so he can tell her that you sold it to him so he could be nearer her...

ChubbyPolecat · 27/02/2016 22:32

You don't seem like a very good friend. You should definitely tell her you're considering his offer so she can distance herself from you if she feels the need

Duck90 · 27/02/2016 22:37

If your house has only been on the market for a few days why not wait and see if there are other offers?

sconebonjovi · 27/02/2016 22:44

It sounds like op has already made up her mind :/. What a shitty thing to even consider doing.

ColdTeaAgain · 27/02/2016 22:53

House has only been on for a few days, another buyer will come along!

Surely you wouldn't do that to her? And for all you know he is just toying with you both. You have been a friend to her so you can be fairly sure he hates you as well. Is his house even on the market? Does he have any intention to go through with the sale? I doubt it!

You need to tell her about this, she has a right to know.

ChildlessAndOK · 27/02/2016 23:05

Well dodge.

Catchuptv · 27/02/2016 23:05

OMG no. He sounds like a nut job - unless she is renting and could move away before the move. This is so horrible

Bunnyjo · 27/02/2016 23:08

Actually, I don't think he has any intention of going through with the purchase of your house.

By putting in an offer, he is able to tell your friend that you are willing to sell to him. Your friend will probably confront you, expecting you to deny it, and you will have to tell her the truth. Undoubtedly, she will feel you have betrayed her (and I cannot say I would blame her if she felt that way) and he will have succeeded in sabotaging her friendship with you and continue to exert his control over her.

You have already said that, on your street, there are other houses on the market - I would seriously consider what his motives are for making an asking price offer on yours within days of it coming on the market...

cuntycowfacemonkey · 27/02/2016 23:11
Hmm
lalalalyra · 27/02/2016 23:14

I don't think he wants to buy your house - who goes to all the expense of moving costs for two streets?

I think he wants to show your friend that (in his mind) she can't escape him. He also knows that if you sell to him then she'll lose your friendship thus isolating her further.

He could offer on any of the other houses in your street. If he really wanted to move to your street without the risk of her taking out a restraining order then buying one of them would be a wiser move as she'd not know until it was too late. He wants her to know that he's thinking about this. He's using you to continue his abuse of her.

You'll lose your friend if you accept, and I'd put my house on you losing the sale at some point as well.

Duck90 · 27/02/2016 23:23

I have no idea of this mans motives, but he maybe renting and wanting to buy?

toomuchinternets · 27/02/2016 23:26

Shocked you're even considering/questioning this. I hope you're a troll rather than just a cold hearted asshole.

Atenco · 27/02/2016 23:33

Gosh, that gives me the creeps, the controlling ex and the stab-in-the-back friend.

If your house had been on the market for ages and no interest and were absolutely desperate, I would have more sympathy.

Corygal1 · 27/02/2016 23:35

No. Eww, sinister.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/02/2016 23:50

Your house has only been up fir a few days op, and your thinking of dumping your friend in the shit! Yes it sounds like you have made up your mind, I think she's much better off without you. Are no friend at all.

SouthPole · 28/02/2016 00:08

Don't do it.

You will look back in years and regret your actions if you do.

There's nothing more important than family, friends and health.

We all know you've made up your mind and are going to do it, but I promise you'll not look back on it as your finest hour.

Blu · 28/02/2016 00:16

Yes, it is out of order to your friend.
No, it is not a 'difficult dilemma '
No, I would not do it
No, it is not complex, it is very simple
No, it isn't hard for most people 'to be the better person' to a friend.

LadyStoicIsBack · 28/02/2016 00:19

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends

You might have made a good friend but it doesn't look like she has Hmm

You are knowingly contemplating agreeing to sell your house to her abusive ex. Who will either:

A) Drop out of 'buying' your house once he's destroyed what he and she both believe to be a strong friendship she made as she was rebuilding her life after leaving him (see 1st para for full details of said friendship and activities facilitated by it)

B) Proceed with purchase - in which case it will clearly be simply so he can stalk her, control her, terrorise her, stop her moving on with her life; make her feel trapped - and all done to her by her 'friend'

You're not covering yourself in glory here OP - in fact you sound like a totally selfish Angry

LadyStoicIsBack · 28/02/2016 00:24

And you're being wierdly cagey on here in your replies too which further raises the Hmm factor -

1 - What does a 'few days' mean? Is this literally the FIRST weekend it's been on the market?

2 - How may other houses are there for sale in your street right now?

3 - DID he visit to view and WERE YOU there?

4 - When was that?

5 - So how long have you known this & not told her?

6 - Likewise, how quickly after your house went on the market did this miraculous offer appear?

I have RTFT and all I can see is evasive answers and avoidant responses.

moodyblues · 28/02/2016 00:27

OP, only reading your posts I would say, no, don't sell. You have only had your house on for a few days which is no time at all.

Selling to him would be a massive error of judgement (imo). Just bide your time.

Have you said why you are desperate to sell?

KoalaDownUnder · 28/02/2016 00:38

Utterly bizarre.

I can't fathom why you would even contemplate this. Shame.