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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 27/02/2016 21:48

5 miles? Yes I can see why you desperately need to move...

EweAreHere · 27/02/2016 21:48

No. No, no, no.

And you should tell her what he's trying to do. Maybe she can get a restraining order.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 27/02/2016 21:49

I'd be extremely suspicious that his offer was a bona fide financial offer likely to proceed and conclude and more an attempt to wind up his ex.

I wouldn't proceed on the basis that I simply couldn't put someone else in that position and further that it wasn't a genuine offer anyhow.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/02/2016 21:50

I can't believe you're even thinking about this!

There's desperation (which this is not out of) to sell the house, you KNOW what he's like (despite him living 2 streets away which is better than same street) you must be able to see he's manipulating you and using you to get to her yet you want to put her and her DCs safety and happiness at risk?

Read my other post on relationships then read this. Your friend is a good friend, mine not so much and even so I've decided to be the bigger person apologise etc.

DansonslaCapucine · 27/02/2016 21:54

Hell mend you if you do.

BeautyIsTruth · 27/02/2016 21:55

Wow with friends like you, who needs enemies. Hmm

Like others have said, I doubt it's a genuine offer he's just trying to wind you both up. And if it is....well, I can't believe you'd even seriously consider it.

Grilledaubergines · 27/02/2016 21:55

Morally it's not something I could do.

If he's offered full asking this early on, he will try to gazunder you down the line. His motives re her and you are dishonourable.

CooPie10 · 27/02/2016 21:56

I couldn't do this either. Your house has been on the market for barely 5 minutes, why don't you wait a bit more.

Only1scoop · 27/02/2016 22:01

With 'friends' like Op....

ohtheholidays · 27/02/2016 22:02

From all of your replys it's pretty bloody obvious that your going to go through with it and hell to your poor friend.

But at least have the bloody decency to pre warn the woman about what your going to do,that way she can get legal advice about how to keep him away from her!

whatdoIget · 27/02/2016 22:05

No I wouldn't take his money.

pictish · 27/02/2016 22:07

Nay nay and thrice nay. I can imagine being in your position, but no...I could not live with myself if I sold to him. It's not what I'm about. I sympathise with you on this one, but my integrity would win over. A firm no.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 22:10

OP please come back and let us know you will be declining his offer! I wish I hadn't read this thread at bedtime - I am genuinely worried for this poor family.

TheChimpParadox · 27/02/2016 22:11

I think that you and the friends Ex have more money than sense along with low morals.

You have a new job 5 miles away and wish to move along with the cost implications and hassle. Unless your transport services are crap and this is a secure job for life and well paid I think you are out of your mind.

The Ex wants to move two streets again with the cost and hassle - it all sounds something out of a soap opera.

Really feel sorry for your friend having a ' friend ' like you and a controlling ex.

I think you need to grow up.

CooPie10 · 27/02/2016 22:11

How did he find out so soon that it was on the market? Has he been there to make the offer so soon? And if so, why haven't you told your friend?

It's very strange to me that he made this offer so very quickly, doesn't that tell you how desperate he is to control your friend?

soupmaker · 27/02/2016 22:14

I'm very glad you're not my "friend" OP. No way would I sell to him. I'd be telling my friend and reassuring her there is no way I'd be selling. This is not complex at all. Do the decent thing for FFS.

Foslady · 27/02/2016 22:17

Glad you're not my friend OP. You have been told by more than one person that he's a nasty piece of work but because he hasn't hit her that's ok is it? There's more than one way to be abusive to someone. But hey, it doesn't matter because you'll be closer than 5 miles to work.

And you won't have to worry about your friend. Because she won't want to know someone who could betray her so badly.

pictish · 27/02/2016 22:18

If he is two streets away but wants to be even closer then something is awry. Why would you facilitate that for him? If I were her I'd feel totally fucked over and betrayed.

I agree that he may well mess you around regarding the sale. Then you'll end up busting apart your friendship for nothing.

WonderingAspie · 27/02/2016 22:19

Why are you even asking. It's quite clear from your rather short responses that you want to accept his offer.

Ffs, there is no dilemma. You have only been on the market a few days and your job is only 5 miles away! Hardly a commute! You are in no hurry and you don't have extenuating circumstances that mean you need to sell now.

But you aren't interested. You want to accept his offer so do it and warn your friend. Hopefully she is renting (because you haven't answered the many posters asking whether she owns or not) and can move ASAP when you screw her over.

AugustaFinkNottle · 27/02/2016 22:21

I like the idea of stitching the ex up, if that's possible - plan it out with your friend so that you wait till he's exchanged contracts, in the meantime she lines up somewhere else to live some way away and moves just at the point when he's committed himself to buying your house.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/02/2016 22:21

My first reaction was "no way in hell".
My second was - TELL HER IMMEDIATELY what he's planning to do, give HER the chance to get the hell away.
And that's what I'd do - tell her, let her move, because there will be other people selling in the street, possibly even her NDNs, and if he doesn't buy yours, he'll just buy theirs instead.

She needs to know what he's planning, so she can leave herself.

And once she's on her way, then yes, I WOULD sell to him - because he'd be on a lost cause as his exW would be moving herself.

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2016 22:24

Aside from loyalty to your friend...

If I wouldn't trust him near my friend, I wouldn't trust him in such an important personal financial matter, because he had given me serious cause for concern in the past.

Original poster
Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 22:24

She owns and cant move for a few years

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 27/02/2016 22:27

Then don't do it.

tanukiton · 27/02/2016 22:29

What i would do is is similar to thumb witch!! Tell her he has made an offer and is planning to move trying to move on to the street. By trying to buy your house you both can try and control the timing. Then work out a plan with your friend so that the day he completes and arrives with the removal van she moves too!!! HAAAAHAA