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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:
Thisismyfirsttime · 27/02/2016 21:30

TELL HER! If she's a friend call her and tell her the situation.
Would you really sell to him? I'd have a long hard think if I were you, does he know you're friends? Is he offering you full price so he can pull out and destroy your friendship, knowing he did so when you accepted his offer at her cost, which will leave you living there for however long with you both knowing what you did?
Beware OP. Sometimes all's not fair in love and house selling and you may get bitten on the arse. Not that you wouldn't deserve it if you tried to go through with this without ever telling her.

OhShutUpThomas · 27/02/2016 21:30

I still can't see what's complex about it?

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 21:30

Please take a step back here and think about this logically!!!
Could you really live happily ever after in this new house you want knowing you shafted your friend to get there? And her poor DCs? Could you really look in the mirror and know that you are that sort of person?
Violence isn't the only type of abuse. Please don't try to use this as an excuse for accepting his offer.

greenfolder · 27/02/2016 21:30

A few days on the market and a job five miles away? Huh? It's a dilemma if you have a sick parent hundreds of miles away and no offers for months. Is this real?

dumbbelle · 27/02/2016 21:31

Oh, he's never been physically violent? Oh, that's fine! Hmm eyerolls

Except it's not is it? (Do you listen to The Archers?)

Tenementfunster · 27/02/2016 21:31

How is this complex? How is it causing you anguish? Think of all the misery you'll potentially cause her.
It is a straightforward decision

blueemerald · 27/02/2016 21:32

I understand your conflict but I would try and hold on if at all possible. You have a chance to 'have it all'.
The real issue is that, if this guy has put an offer in on your house

QuiteLikely5 · 27/02/2016 21:32

So why does he want your house over and above the others do you think?

nina99ballons · 27/02/2016 21:33

I agree he's playing you both.

I would tell her what he's up to, you may not even be the first.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/02/2016 21:34

Please don't.

I have a controlling abusive ex, and the idea of him being any closer to me and my son regularly terrifies me. He's a lazy fucker who would never go through the hassle of moving, but still it scares me whenever a property like those he's bought in the past comes up in the area.

If it's only been up a few days you will get more viewers. And if you only want to move 5 miles away, that is a commutable distance whilst you need to, if it comes to that.

He is doing this to fuck with her, but also to isolate her further, by making things awkward between you.

SirVixofVixHall · 27/02/2016 21:34

God alive! How is this "complex"? Am another astonished that you are even considering it. Seriously, there are other houses for sale on the street, but he wants yours, the house of her friend. Ooh, i wonder why that could be? Wake up op, and don't be so ruddy selfish.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/02/2016 21:34

And yes, please tell her.

MadamDeathstare · 27/02/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 27/02/2016 21:35

ok, if your house has only been on the market for a few days, you've only had one weekend of viewings, then hold off for a couple of weeks.

TitClash · 27/02/2016 21:38

Thats right, he can always get another house. Let him do that. Dont be the one to enable and abusive ex.

yorkshapudding · 27/02/2016 21:38

I couldn't do this to a woman I actively disliked, let alone a friend.

Without wishing to be dramatic, it is a fact that in England and Wales alone 2 women every week are killed by thier former or current partner. If this man is so controlling that he is looking to buy a house on the same street as a woman who moved there to get away from him then who knows what he is capable of?

Also, an offer of full asking price is no guarantee that that's what you'll get. I know lots of people who've had offers for the asking price only to find their buyers lower their offer at the eleventh hour, or pull out altogether. You might be risking a friendship for something that will never actually materialise.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 27/02/2016 21:42

Does she own her house? If not, could you help her move to another rental property, possibly further away?

So he is buying a house in the same street as his ex and he already lives 2 doors away??

And you are moving house so that you can change jobs 5 miles away?

Either you are both loaded or property is really cheap where you live, there is no way I would incur the costs of moving for a job 5 miles away. Not what you asked, I know!!

HanYOLO · 27/02/2016 21:42

He doesn't want to buy your house. He wants to use his offer on your house to mess her up. I doubt he would buy it in the end.

How do you know it is him? Did you do the viewing? Hmm

If your house is saleable for the asking price, someone else will want it.

MunchMunch · 27/02/2016 21:43

Tbh it sounds like you've already made your mind up otherwise they wouldn't be anything "complex" about it. He's a twat and to better yourself you'd shit on your friend and her dc from a great height but that's ok you'll be five miles away in your lovely new home.

gleekster · 27/02/2016 21:44

No, absolutely not.

Your house has only been on the market for a few days. You can use his offer as leverage to get an equal or higher offer from another buyer.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 27/02/2016 21:44

Sorry, I see now its a bigger house and better for your children - I would do that!!! And yes, I can see that it is a difficult decision for you. Good luck, its not every day we get presented with a moral dilemma that has life changing impact on a number of people.

Notimefortossers · 27/02/2016 21:45

You are off your frigging rocker OP. Completely and totally bonkers

TheDayIBroke · 27/02/2016 21:45

What is so difficult about your decision? Of course you shouldn't sell to him - he's blatantly wanting your house in order to control your friend. There is no Earthly reason why you would sell your house to this man. Unless your house is a tip, your house will be bought soon.

Don't do this to your friend, please. Sad

Tenementfunster · 27/02/2016 21:46

It's not a moral dilemma because it's not a dilemma at all.
And food for thought my arse.

DinosaursRoar · 27/02/2016 21:46

If there's other houses in your street for sale, let him buy one of those, but tell her about the offer, so she knows he's considering buying on her road.

It's also worth thinking that if your house has only been on the market for less than a week and has an asking price offer, even though there are other (similar?) houses for sale on the same road, you might want to hold off and have some more viewings, you probably will get other offers.

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