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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this out of order to my friend? Difficult dilemma. WWYD?

455 replies

Headfulahorlix · 27/02/2016 20:12

Made a good friend a few years ago. She lives on my street. DCs are friends and we do play dates and baby sit for each other and some times go out for weekends. She moved to this street after her unhappy relationship came to an end and she feels her ex is controlling which I have witnessed and so believe.

I put my house on the market. He has offered me the full asking price.

I am desperate to move.

Would you sell to him in my position?

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 28/02/2016 10:52

I think people are making a big deal about the 5-mile commute not because it's an easy commute but because the OP (if they are real) is happy to sell her house to her good friends abusive ex in order to avoid a 5-mile commute.

The OP is not - "AIBU to move house to avoid a 5-mile commute"?

greatbigwho · 28/02/2016 10:57

I just asked my husband. He was amazed that anyone who classed this woman as a friend would even begin to consider it.

I say consider as a friend because she's obviously not your friend if you'd consider wrecking her life like this.

CamboricumMinor · 28/02/2016 11:07

No way, not unless you want to be a contributory factor in her ex being able to easily make her life a misery.

Cerseirys · 28/02/2016 11:16

I wonder what the responses would be if you asked your ohs, if you are partnered up that is

Probably similar to the responses you've already been getting OP, seeing as their OHs aren't cunts.

FuckYouJamieOliver · 28/02/2016 11:18

Op he has now isolated your friend even further
She now knows that she can't count on you

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/02/2016 11:22

I just asked the bloke I'm shagging (because obviously his opinion is more important than mine)

He said "Christ no! What a cuntish thing to do I wouldn't even do it to someone I didn't like" he then added some responsible stuff about domestic abuse being everybody's responsibility to not contribute towards.

LemonRedwood · 28/02/2016 11:28

My DH's response was, "He sounds like a controlling wanktard. I'd be helping the friend get a restraining order." Language aside, I married a thoroughly decent human being.

From everything you've posted, OP, neither you nor your OH sound like decent human beings.

elfycat · 28/02/2016 11:35

I've been reading DH a summary of this since you first posted.

His reply was: Isn't she a

And I completely agree. No right-thinking HUMAN BEING, regardless of what lies betwixt their thighs, could think anything you have said is reasonable. Therefore you are:

a) vile
b) troll (not calling troll - I fear such people do exist)
c) not an internet troll, but nonetheless something that oozes out from dank, dark spaces.

ElaineVintage · 28/02/2016 11:40

Oh my gosh, no!

ReadyPlayerOne · 28/02/2016 11:41

OP you are downplaying the abuse your friend suffered "she tells me he was never violent" in order to justify making the choice to sell to him. LadyStoic listed the reasons the ex has made this offer a few posts back, I strongly suggest you read those.
Also I gather that you broke this news to your 'friend' via text as she hasn't replied. Do you really think that was an appropriate means on communicating this to her?

CallaLilli · 28/02/2016 11:44

OP, I feel sorry for you if you're in a situation that has caused you to think all men are such wankers as to agree you'd be doing the right thing by selling to this man. But I also have a feeling you won't be back...

RebootYourEngine · 28/02/2016 12:26

OP why are you downplaying your 'friends' abuse? Emotional abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse.

StableYard · 28/02/2016 12:48

This reply has been deleted

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OzzieFem · 28/02/2016 13:04

Question. Has your friend taken out a restraining order against her ex? If she has then that may prevent him buying in the same street anyway.

You could try selling to him only for the contract to be broken because "....oh, I didn't realize my ex lived on that street..."

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 13:25

I have just reported this thread, as I thought op was on the wind up, but MN have come back to me to say that they have reason to believe she is genuine. If she is, she has done a really nasty and vile thing to her friend, to even consider that is awful, and not what a good friend would do. Shame on you op!

BitchPeas · 28/02/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Atenco · 28/02/2016 15:11

Well you sound well-matched with your husband, OP, and your friend is better off knowing sooner rather than latter that you don't know the meaning of friendship, however you are doing her and her children serious harm. I sincerely hope that your buyers pulls out at the last moment.

DarkBlueEyes · 28/02/2016 15:13

No. Frankly, you'd be putting her at risk. But it must be excruciating to have that dilemma... as someone who is trying to sell right now, I can totally see where you're coming from.

IAmTheWhoreOfBabylon · 28/02/2016 15:17

Hopefully he doesn't really want it
Perhaps just wants to wind her up and cause stress
Keeps you hanging on thinking you have a sale then backs out at the last minute
Then everyone gets what they deserve

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 28/02/2016 16:39

I wonder what the responses would be if you asked your ohs, if you are partnered up that is

What makes you think they'd see it differently? Are you for real?

Original poster

Headfulahorlix · 28/02/2016 17:58

Guys, I have to come clean and risk you all thinking me an awful wind up merchant. I did not intend for this to happen.

It is a reverse but I just don't know what to think as mutual friends said I'd do the same in her position.

Maybe I would, I don't know. I don't think that I would, esp after my experiences.

Sorry for doing what I did. I promise its not to get sympathy and vilify friend who is generally really nice, which is why I'm admitting to it being a reverse. I just felt a boot in the teeth about this and feel I cant complain, let off steam in real life otherwise will seem mean spirited.

Sorry mumsnetters

OP posts:

Dumdedumdedum · 28/02/2016 18:05

Well, look at it this way, general MN wisdom seems to think the sale would cause no end of problems for your friend and the offer might simply be a wind-up by your ex..

dumbbelle · 28/02/2016 18:08

So... can you plan to shaft the bastard?

Damselindestress · 28/02/2016 18:09

So does that mean the real situation is that your controlling ex wants to buy your friend's house to move closer to you and she is considering it? I've never really understood the point of reverses, I think you would have got sympathy and good advice if you had been more straightforward from the start.

DoreenLethal · 28/02/2016 18:10

So have you responded to the 'friend'? Is she really selling to move for a job 5 miles away?

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