To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

[maggiethemagpie]

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

Well it's done now - there's no point berating the op for a choice which she can't change.

Regardless of the moral conundrum in the future before signing any contract or committing to any kind of large financial outlay please work out the implications financially as to what you are actually doing.

In theory you are liable for the entire 26 rooms and if no one stayed at all would still be paying for them.

You really do begrudge your guests don't you, the number of times you've complained about having to feed them is astounding. Without them though, you'd have no one to pay for the hotel, the bar and of course the wedding presents.

You sound very selfish and money obsessed.

Poor guests. They are probably thinking why the hell don't we just travel down on the day of the wedding? Moving all your stuff! What sort of hell is that?

More like, crap should have RSVPd no

I wonder what happens if some don't eat the expensive food

there's no point berating the op for a choice which she can't change

No, there isn't.

However it is a useful lesson experience for the OP about budgeting and making large financial commitments in future and for anyone else reading this thread and considering something similar...

I do this this is very much a case of seeing something you like, setting your heart on it even though you can't really afford it, being given the 'easy option' on how you can afford something beyond your means and accepting that at face value because it fits in with your dream rather than looking at the detail and reality.

You need to use your head as well as heart for any big financial commitment and not get carried away.

The ideal way to manage these things is to research the local area and send guests a list of accommodation for various budgets. Offer a re-sale rate to entice guests to stay because it adds to the party, not because you make some money back from your guests.

The venue looks lovely. Though I am slightly that now these places are seeing funerals as another income stream. I can see it years from now, now where have you pre-booked your wake, The Didsbury!! ooon nice? What about you? The church hall.

Why don't you make all the rooms available to any guests who wish to use them, but then say that they can make a contribution when they check out?
Those who are already booked and expecting to pay the £150 will most likely pay the £150.
Others guests will take up the unused rooms and pay something.
That way you avoid charging your friends different rates; it's up to them what they pay.

OP, on a practical note, someone has said that the quality of the rooms varies hugely, so can I suggest on the day before/day of the wedding, you identify the best rooms in the hotel and ensure they are used for your wedding, leaving the smaller ones empty. It will be within your rights since (one way or another!) you are paying for all rooms.

That's a useful idea origamiwarrior.

I feel some people are being harsh on the OP. She is a bride to be, not a hotelier nor an accountant or small business owner. Yes in retrospect it would have been helpful for her to demand the hotels Sunday night occupancy rates for weddings and find out what rate these were charged at, or their profit and loss balance for the last 5 years and calculate the margins, but she didn't and indeed the groom to be didn't so there we are.

As for those saying she's charging for the wedding by making her guests pay for hotel rooms, well I've been for a number of weddings and no one has ever paid for my hotel stay, but I'll accept that maybe I move in less exalted social circles than some.

Hotel has learnt how to present the facts in a way that's most digestible for their clients and to be fair it wouldn't be right for non wedding guests to be staying their whilst it's on as wouldn't be able to use the communal areas and hotel would be noisy.

You don't need to be an accountant or a hotelier to work this situation out- it's simple.

OP has booked a wedding package she can't afford unless her guests foot the bill for the rooms.

The guests aren't playing ball as expected and not enough rooms have been booked therefore OP has a bigger than expected bill- it was always a risk.

She is a bride to be, not a hotelier nor an accountant or small business owner.

And brides are not expected to be responsible for budgets and finances. Personal finance is not your own responsibility at all. Its only other people or groups that should be responsible.

The debt mountain in this country, is as high as it is, because individuals except it, and don't take responsibility and in turn as a result never hold any public spending accountable because people don't bother to budget and merely expect everyone else to.

Sigh.

EVERYONE should take FULL responsibility for their own spending. The only exceptions being those who are too young or medically not able to and are therefore vulnerable (and in law there is at least in theory measures to protect the vulnerable).

I fail to see on what grounds a bride should be exempt from being responsible for thinking about her finances properly.

Utter nonsense that she shouldn't be expected to be responsible for her own budget!

Redtoothbrush's posts are spot on!! Excepting the vulnerable there's no excuse! Op knew what her budget was, from her posts can afford it just doesn't want to pay it! She is as several pps have said, coming across as mercenary, selfish and thoughtless. You host a wedding, its certainly not a favour to the guests as OP seems to think! Christ she seems to think it's a massive bloody privilege them attending and being fed for crying out loud!

I planned my own wedding on a tight budget, my only concern re guests was that they were comfortable and enjoyed the day. We married away from where we each were 'from' (complicated as we were both military brats and he was in the military at the time so we'd people coming from all over the world!) We did not expect our invitees (is that a word?) To attend but were delighted to see those that did. We considered it our responsibility to ensure people had access to affordable accommodation if needed (but we made it clear before they replied that we couldn't afford to pay for the accommodation), transport, and directions (pre GPS and location not on all maps plus as was a military base we had to arrange security passes). The most important thing was the people we loved were there to celebrate our day with us.

As I say also worked in the industry, I have never heard of a bride expecting her guests to basically contribute to the cost of the wedding!

Brides I've worked with who've booked exclusive use of a venue expect to bear the cost themselves (with the groom, possibly parents too). Sometimes guests have kindly paid something towards rooms, not all brides even accepted that. Few did in fact. Where its been the case a wedding has been held in a hotel, but the rooms not booked, some guests will book to stay in the hotel for convenience but that's been totally their choice!

YABU and you are being a little naive about Sunday weddings

We had a Sunday wedding because it was a Jewish wedding that can't be held on a Saturday. If you're doing this I think you really have to be aware that it's creating a massive headache for your guests and plan accordingly. We were never going to have an out of town wedding but we had a massive contingent of friends coming up from Brighton (wedding in London) and we tried to bend over backwards to make it as painless as possible. We laid on a taxi shuttle service to run back and from the two nearest tube stations to ferry people from the venue to the station and left info in the cloakroom about what time the trains and last tubes were, and also set up a FB group with info - which meant lots of people were able to share rides who wanted to stay later. We weren't in a hotel and didn't negotiate rates with any specific hotels but we provided info about nearby hotels at a range of prices which quite a few people opted for. We were hugely touched by how many people who didn't live in London came to the day and evening (and some just to the evening!) but we absolutely understood that it was a big imposition and we would completely understand if it wasn't possible. We were going to do a little knees up in Brighton (just put some money behind the bar at a pub) for all our friends we anticipated wouldn't be able to come, but we ended up not doing it because pretty much everyone came - we were totally overwhelmed.

We also tried to make sure we remembered all the things that peeved us about weddings we had attended as guests and try to avoid them at ours! Eg long waiting times between the ceremony and sitting down to eat while photos are taken, everyone gets shitfaced and starts mugging waiting staff for canapés as they're starving, whilst the bride and groom don't actually mingle with any guests cos they're off making doe eyes at each other for wedding portraits. We did something a bit controversial, but it was totally the right decision for us and I can highly recommend it. We actually got all dolled up in our wedding gear on the Friday and the venue let us take photos there - so we faked our wedding pics!! Yes he saw the dress etc before the big day but it was still a surprise to him when he did! For us it was really worthwhile as we were super relaxed about the pics and not stressing about timings or if our guests were being looked after etc. We did about 5-6 quick family posed photos and then just went to have a glass of bubbly with our guests before we all sat down to eat. Everyone said they were really grateful to not have a long wait - and it meant everyone lined their stomachs before really getting on it!

We also specifically asked guests not to get us any gifts, we didn't have a gift list or similar, as their company was enough - but that if anyone did wish to give anything, we would love a donation to Macmillan cancer in memory of my late mum.

Not slating anyone for having a gift list but for us we recognised that people give up a lot to come to a wedding and really we wanted people to remember having a lovely time and not what a massive imposition it was

You have empty rooms and your poor friends have to sleep at your house while your better off friends pay £150 towards your wedding? You just shouldn't have booked an exclusive use venue if it meant doing that. As for persuading 'friends' to go to the hassle of changing hotels so that you could make £150 off them too- outrageous.

You were extremely shortsighted to book exclusive use of an entire hotel without checking that your guests even wanted to stay the night!
All this talk to trying to "resell" the rooms to claw back a bit of cash makes you sound like a dodgy second hand car salesman person.
Horrendeously tacky.
Why would you take on such a task in addition to all the other preparations necessary for a wedding; if not to have a better venue than you can afford by the simple (or not so simple, as it turns out) expedient of getting your guests to cover the cost?
I'd be mightily pissed off to be guilted into paying for a hotel room I didn't need just to save you from having to pay it; and I'd be mortified for you when it became obvious what you'd done. even more so when it very obviously hadn't worked

Suck up the cost and retain at least some dignity at this stage, op.

Jeez, why don't we tar and feather the OP while we're at it.

What a horribly, selfish person she is for being kind enough to let her friends stay at her house for her wedding.

I was recently invited to a wedding like this. I felt annoyed that as a guest I was being used to fund someone's wedding costs. Attending a wedding usually involves a fair amount of cost for guests anyhow and this idea is just rude and grabby. Not only this but the cost of staying at the 'exclusive wedding venue' for us as a family of 4 was 3 times more than staying at a really nice hotel a short drive away.

Oh fgs rookie, no she isn't allowing them all to stay at her house for a wedding.
She is wanting them to pay (for very expensive rooms imo) at a particular venue she's hired. If they do so it becomes cheaper for her. Let's not pretend that it's pure altruism on her part.
Oh, and she'd also like them to swap from one hotel to another, causing them hassle - again purely to save her money.

Now, I am not blaming the op. I think she got fleeced by her hotel and was very naive. But it's not some kindly grand gesture on her part.

The OP has offered her own house up for guests. There are four of them staying there.

Ah I had a flick through the thread but must've missed that. Still though she is wanting people to subsidise her hotel cost.
Natural human reaction for her I think but can't be surprised that people feel a bit aggrieved!

Tho she may as well allow friends to stay in hotel as rooms paid for

Tho as someone pointed out those who have paid for rooms would freak if others got for free

But seems pointless to have to wash change own beds if room service will do it at the hotel - coz it's paid for anyway