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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

423 replies

maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 19:04

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:22

It's not dishonest Bearbehind - how is it different to someone staying at another, unrelated hotel and paying that hotel directly. They are paying for a hotel room.
yes, I get charged for any unfilled rooms at the end of the day as the hotel is too small to accomodate other guests in addition to a wedding, but why does that mean a guest can't pay to stay at the hotel the wedding is held at?

OP posts:
Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:23

I did moan that diddl, but that doesn't mean I pressurised my guests. yes, I would prefer more rooms to have been taken but I absolutely accept that it's my guest's choice whether to stay there or not.

OP posts:
Cressandra · 27/02/2016 21:25

"I've certainly not pressured anyone who can't afford it"

Oh ok, as long as you've only pressurised SOME of your guests Confused

diddl · 27/02/2016 21:25

No, but your hoping that they pay as much towards your bill as possible!

Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:27

how is it different to someone staying at another, unrelated hotel and paying that hotel directly. They are paying for a hotel room.

You've clearly convinced youself of facts which don't actually represent the truth of the situation in order to justify this.

It's completely different to someone staying at another unrelated hotel as the cost of that unrelated hotel wouldn't be deducted from your overall bill.

It's not rocket science- your guests are directly paying for your wedding by staying at the venue- if no one stayed your bill would be the full whack.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:29

Well of course I am diddl, but wtf's wrong with that? If they'd like to stay at the wedding hotel and that makes the cost less for us then I won't apologise for hoping for that.

I'm sure they'd be pleased they could help us out too. What with weddings these days being so expensive and all.

And I 've not pressurised anyone really - as I've said the changing rooms thing was different as in effect the hotel would have been paid twice for the same guests, so I don't put that in the same boat as what we're talking about now.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 27/02/2016 21:30

And those spending money on accomodation - it doesn't go back into my pocket

Ok you know that's not true!

How the hotel markets this isn't relevant. They are trying to sell a more expensive package to you than you can afford so of course they'll tell you it's normal to do this "recharging" thing.

The main issue though is putting the room price at £150 on a Sunday night. Would be interesting to see how much they would suggest "recharging" at for a Saturday night. If it's the same then you're getting a good deal and your guests really aren't.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 27/02/2016 21:30

I wonder how your guests will feel when they realise the room was already paid for and instead of the hotel getting the money it's just them reducing the cost of your wedding choice.

Making money from friends and family is a little vulgar.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:33

Autumn leaves you are so funny! Of course I'm not making money from friends and family... I'm actually losing money by paying for all their food and drink for the day. It's the HOTEL that's making the money, by charging them for a bed for the night, like hotels do you know. I think it's called BUSINESS.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 27/02/2016 21:33

The hotel isn't charging them. The hotel has charged you and is helping you make some of that back from your family and friends.

diddl · 27/02/2016 21:34

"but wtf's wrong with that?"

"Making money from friends and family is a little vulgar."

^^ That.

If you couldn't afford the place without it being subbed by friends & rellies then you should have booked elsewhere.

Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:35

I'm sure they'd be pleased they could help us out too. What with weddings these days being so expensive and all.

That's where you are sadly deluded.

Im pretty sure noone wants to pay for a wedding that's beyond the B&G means- they'd rather attend something their hosts had actually footed the bill for.

Even where people pull together to put on a 'spread' it's done honestly, not this dishonest 'stay here it's lovely' whilst rubbing your hands together asthe bill ticks down.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/02/2016 21:37

Autumn leaves you are so funny! Of course I'm not making money from friends and family... I'm actually losing money by paying for all their food and drink for the day. It's the HOTEL that's making the money, by charging them for a bed for the night, like hotels do you know. I think it's called BUSINESS.

FGS - you are getting the benefit of the room rates as without that being deducted from your bill, you wouldn't be able to afford the venue. It's like me payIng for your coffee for you. Just because I hand the money dure toy to the barrista doesn't mean you haven't had the benefit.

Honestly - you are coming across as someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Not very nice.

fastdaytears · 27/02/2016 21:37

So OP if you had asked the hotel to charge some of your guests for their meals, without reference to what they actually cost on a normal day that would be fine and just BUSINESS?

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:38

Fastday seeing as I'm not actually paying for the rooms, the guests are paying the hotel directly, that's not technically true.

They are paying for a room the same as they would be any hotel they chose.

The only difference is that any unfilled rooms get charged back to me.

Now, as I've taken pains to point out, no one is forced to stay there and a lot of people aren't. I may prefer it if everyone did stay there, but I'm certainly not pressurising people. But this is not about that now, it's about the fact that you all think I should be paying for everyone's accomodation. And I simply disagree that that is my obligation.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/02/2016 21:39

And of course you pay for the food and drink - that is called being a host and you should give with an open hand.

This thread is quite identifying so I really hope no guests stumble upon it - your attitude is really unkind

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/02/2016 21:41

But this is not about that now, it's about the fact that you all think I should be paying for everyone's accomodation. And I simply disagree that that is my obligation.

No. It's about the fact that you seem to refuse to accept that your bill is being reduced by guests staying at the hotel. And that it is this that allows you to have your wedding there

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:41

Fastday, if the guests have to pay for their own booze at the bar that is BUSINESS - does that answer your question?
FWIW I am paying for fizz/wine throughout the day but it's a pay bar.

Oh no! A pay bar! How vulgar to expect your guests to pay for their own booze at the bar! On top of them having to pay their own room. And on a Sunday too!

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 27/02/2016 21:42

Fastday seeing as I'm not actually paying for the rooms, the guests are paying the hotel directly, that's not technically true

Aghhh. You have agreed to pay for them. You signed the contract. If a guest pays for a room then they pay £150 off your bill for you.

You see it as paying for empty rooms but you're paying for all of them, just trying to make some money back at what seems to be a ridiculous rate.

Do you know what the Saturday rate is? If you (not the hotel, you) are charging your friends Saturday rates on a Sunday then you're ripping them off.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:42

Goblin, I could have paid for everyone's room and had a bigger bill.... is that not saying the same thing?

I didn't want to do that. I won't apologise for that because I don't think that is wrong.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:43

The only difference is that any unfilled rooms get charged back to me.

You really are on a different planet to the rest of us here OP.

If noone stayed you'd get charged for every room so stop trying to convince us that you don't benfit from every penny spent on rooms- it's absolute bollocks.

You seem to have convinced yourself you are doing your guests a favour by paying for them to attend your wedding- you're really not- if you invite guests to a wedding you provide them with a meal.

If you chose an expensive venue and the meal is therefore expensive, that's your look out.

Completely agree with the 'price of everything and value of nothing comment'

fastdaytears · 27/02/2016 21:44

Fastday, if the guests have to pay for their own booze at the bar that is BUSINESS - does that answer your question?

Not at all, unless you had agreed to pay £X for drinks and your guests were paying it off for you.

No issues with a pay bar and no one seems very interested in your honeymoon either. So don't make out that it's all just MN craziness.

Costacoffeeplease · 27/02/2016 21:48

I'd always expect a pay bar tbh

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:48

I'm GLAD to be on my planet not yours Bearbehind. As I say, I have a clear conscience as no one has been forced to stay at the hotel and many guests have not.

Just because I get charged for unused rooms does not mean that my wedding costs include everyone's room.

It's my choice whether to pay for them or not!

Just as it's my guest's choice whether to take them or not!

OP posts:
GuiltyPleasure · 27/02/2016 21:49

Surely the original budget for the venue should have been worked on being able to afford to pay for exclusive use & no guests staying? If it wasn't then YABU. Any of your guests who choose to stay is therefore a bonus to your costing as I presume this is taken off the bill. However, OP you ANBU because you've taken on board, with grace the comments of various posters, but you were always taking a gamble with the expectation that your guests would stay at the venue ( & it appears that's for a variety of legitimate reasons) so I sincerely hope your budget allows you to suck up the cost if necessary.. It is a beautiful venue though.. Good taste OP