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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect wedding guests to book a room at the hotel we've booked for exclusive use not the hotel down the road

423 replies

maggiethemagpie · 25/02/2016 19:04

So we're getting married.... we have booked an exclusive use hotel which means we will be charged for all rooms that are not filled. The wedding is on a Sunday so quite a few guests are going home on the Sunday night and not staying over. That I don't have a problem with. But one couple have booked two nights in the sister hotel to our hotel (so similar prices) as they could not book a room on the Saturday (as it is being used for another wedding). Despite knowing we will have to pay for all the rooms in 'our' hotel they are refusing to move hotels as they don't want the inconvenience.

I probably am BU as I know it was our choice to take the risk of an exclusive, and they can stay wherever they want, but as we will likely not fill more than half of the rooms we are facing a massive bill now (like 1.5k) and it just seems a bit unfair if they're staying in the sister hotel down the road just because they can't /don't want to move on the morning of the wedding.

Really wish I had not booked an exclusive venue now, especially on a Sunday night.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2016 19:07

You're not really going to make some people pay more than others are you?

Especially the couple in the op who are already forking out £150 for the Saturday?

Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 19:16

I think goblin has hit the nail on the head here.

The reality is the OP has chosen a wedding venue she couldn't really afford but saw a way of achieving it by, quite literally, getting her guests to fund it.

The combination of having it on a Sunday and filling all the rooms would have halved the cost to the OP.

Ironically, the very fact it is on a Sunday has been the downfall as its meant that the rooms won't get filled.

At this stage, the decent thing to do would be to leave the rooms empty or charge them all out at a lower rate (possibly 2 rates if there are massive differences in room quality as others have suggested).

Either way, the B&G need to take the cost on the chin.

OP, the other guests will find out if you charge £150 for some people and £30 for others, and they'll be livid.

Is saving yourself a few quid really worth that? Getting £30 a room at the expense of exploiting friendships would be extremely grabby.

rookiemere · 27/02/2016 19:18

People are right I didn't think that one through when suggesting it.just seems such a shame to have hotel rooms sitting empty.

Cressandra · 27/02/2016 19:31

It does rookie. And all the more shame to have 24ish extra breakfasts paid for and unused, when OP has loads of local friends who might enjoy a free one.

ExtraBlessings · 27/02/2016 19:55

Hi Magpie, I have dipped into this thread in a few places and just wanted to say I really hope once you make your decisions on what to do you can get back to enjoying your wedding. All weddings can contain stress and feel for you these rooms are causing problems.

All the best.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 20:05

Actually it's fine ExtraBlessings - I've recalculated the spend and due to reduced numbers overall (due to sunday) even with the extra rooms charged back to us we're still within budget.

It has been funny reading some of the threads from some folk on here, who expect that no one should have a wedding if it will mean their guests having to pay anything at all to attend or inconvenience themselves in any way! I can only imagine that they either had very low key weddings themselves or are lucky enough to be able to afford to put everyone up and have it on a saturday.

Luckily I haven't taken any of the harsher posts too seriously and still can't believe no one has slated me for saying we're jetting off on a honeymoon to the carribean after the wedding. Got off lightly there!

It's a tricky one, what to do about the spare rooms if I could give them to friends for free or very little. Some people on here have suggested it, others have said it's a no no. Maybe one for another AIBU nearer the time!

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 20:31

I don't think anyone expects to attend a wedding that is completely convienent and cost free.

What is annoying is the fact that, in this instance, the inconvienience has been maximised by having it on a Sunday and the cost maximised by expecting your guests to pay £150 for a Sunday night on the outskirts of Manchester.

This kind of set up really, really annoys me. Every penny your guests spend on accommodation at your venue, goes directly into your pocket and in my opinion, that's bang out of order.

Fine, if guests need to stay over as the venue can't be close to everyone but then there are usually options for all budgets from camping to 5 star hotels but a) that's the guests choice and b) it doesn't affect the cost of the day for the B&G.

Stop trying to recover the costs- especially given you want us to be indignant about your honeymoon- you're obviously not on a complete shoestring.

lunar1 · 27/02/2016 20:38

Nobody expects to go to a wedding for free but bloody hell it really adds up.

Outfits
Travel
Gift
Hotel
Hen/stag
Drinks in the evening
Plus random costs that add up.

Plus in your case a days holiday on the Monday.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 20:42

So do you think exclusive use venues should be paid for entirely by the B and G Bearbehind?

That's not usually how it's marketed by the wedding venues (certainly not mine), so it can't be that uncommon for the guests to pay.

I've certainly not pressured anyone who can't afford it, I've even said several friends who are not well off can stay at my house on the night of the wedding.

The situation in the OP was around staying at the sister hotel which is practically next door (for same price) but I've sorted that now.

And as for the honeymoon, I'm going to be honest here and say I'd rather spend money on that than paying for 25 people's rooms if they have chosen to stay at the hotel and can therefore afford it. Are you indignant yet?

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/02/2016 20:43

What is annoying is the fact that, in this instance, the inconvienience has been maximised by having it on a Sunday and the cost maximised by expecting your guests to pay £150 for a Sunday night on the outskirts of Manchester.

I have to agree. My SIL has a similar situation with her wedding and is currently leaning on people to take rooms st the hotel

What is most irritating to me is that she has told people that she has negotiated a discount so the rooms are just £200. That is a barefaced lie. The hotel couldn't give a shit what she charges. She could give them away for free

I do think that if brides and grooms think this is an appropriate thing to do? They should be quite honest with guests. That would stop bad feeling in either side. However, I suspect brides and grooms don't as it's more than a little bit awkward

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/02/2016 20:46

And as for the honeymoon, I'm going to be honest here and say I'd rather spend money on that than paying for 25 people's rooms if they have chosen to stay at the hotel and can therefore afford it. Are you indignant yet?

You're quite entitled to chose to spend your money exactly as you wish. Just as your guests are

I think you'd be quite annoyed if a guest said they would come to your wedding so long as they could dictate where you stayed on your honeymoon.

Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 20:51

*So do you think exclusive use venues should be paid for entirely by the B and G Bearbehind?

Absolutely.

I'm sure it's not how it's marketed but I very strongly believe that if you specify the location people stay then you pay for it.

You'll never make me indignant about going to the Caribbean- sorry- you're welcome to it but I do think your attitude towards your guests funding your wedding ie because they can afford it and you'd rather spend the money on something else, is pretty poor.

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:03

Gobblin, how has your SIL not been honest has she said the rooms are £200 when they should be less than that? I would never try and make more money by charging more for the rooms than what I would be charged as a post up thread said some venues suggested B and G's do. Now that really is making your guests pay for your wedding.

In my situation I have a clear conscience as I have not pressurised anyone who has chosen to stay at the travelodge, or with friends or who I have invited to stay at my house to keep costs down. I'm not THAT bad! In terms of overnight guests for my wedding I have

Four guests who I have invited to stay at my house to keep costs down
Three guests who are out of town but staying at the house of another, local guest
Two guests at the travelodge
Five guests who will be staying with family who live nearby

That's quite a few people who I could have pressurised into taking a room and I've not said a dickie bird to them! I've totally let them do what they want to do. May have moaned about it to my partner but certainly woudn't say anything to them.

The only guests we've said anything to are the ones who booked at the sister hotel due to not wanting to change rooms, and we've now arranged a late check out for them and persauded them.

That doesn't sound like I'm dictating to my guests now does it.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:10

You don't get it do you OP?

In your case the rooms are not £150 and in goblins SIL case they are not £200.

Both of those figures are arbitrary amouts that will reduce your total bill by that value for every room you 'sell'.

As goblin said, it's the lack of honesty that pisses people off. I bet you haven't copied and pasted the extract from the venue website into your invitations?

Do your guests know that every single penny they spend on accommodation at your venue goes directly back into your pocket?

diddl · 27/02/2016 21:10

"and we've now arranged a late check out for them and persauded them."

So that's another £150 off your bill?

Can the guests who are staying at your house not afford the hotel then?

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:12

Diddl of course they can't... that's why I offered them my house .Neither can the other people who aren't staying at the hotel. That's why I've happily let them make other arrangements.

don't you see - no one who doesn't want to stay at the hotel is made to.

So you can't really say I'm forcing my guests to do anything.

Suggesting? yes

Making them feel bad if they can't? No

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2016 21:14

But don't you see, that if you weren't forcing them to pay, they could all stay!

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:14

And those spending money on accomodation - it doesn't go back into my pocket. They pay the hotel directly. You know, a bit like they would do if they were to book another hotel nearby because they don't live in my home town and need a bed for the night.

Or do you think I should be paying for their hotel in that scenario too?

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2016 21:15

It comes off your bill!

Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:17

Ah, so it's just the more affluent ones who you've forced into staying at your venue then Hmm

I can't quite believe you've said no one who doesn't want to stay at the hotel is made to in virtually the same breath as we've now arranged a late check out for them and persuaded them

Costacoffeeplease · 27/02/2016 21:17

it doesn't go back into my pocket but it does, maybe not directly, but it comes off your hotel bill

Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:17

Diddl, yes but I have clearly said I don't want to spend all my money on my guests accomodation and i don't see that as my obligation.

Guests have a choice

Don't come to the wedding at all
Come and stay with a friend or local family member for free (if they know someone)
Come and stay at the travelodge
Come and stay at the posh hotel for £150

Just because I invite someone to my wedding, where does it say that I am obliged to pay for their accomodation if they have a choice where to stay?

If I was saying they had to stay at the hotel and pay £150 as a condition of coming, fair enough - but it isn't a condition of coming. I have as many people choosing not to stay at the hotel as those who are choosing to stay.

OP posts:
Original poster
maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 21:19

Can I just say the situation with the sister hotel is completely different, that was to do with changing hotels and being stranded inbetween rooms, the hotel have arranged a seamless transfer from the one to the other (and they are virtually next door, literally a minutes walk away).

This is about guests not being forced into paying a huge sum of money to stay at a hotel they can't afford (or if they'd rather stay with local friends or whatever)

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 27/02/2016 21:19

And those spending money on accomodation - it doesn't go back into my pocket. They pay the hotel directly

Absolute bollocks.

The hotel do this so it doesn't look like you get the benefit of it but that is exactly what happens- the total billl for all the rooms comes off your bill- that's exactly what is meant by the dishonesty of the situation.

diddl · 27/02/2016 21:22

Of course they don't have to stay there.

But you started this thread moaning that not as many rooms were taken as you had hoped & your bill was going to be bigger than you wanted!