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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 23/02/2016 20:58

Inform her of your hourly rate for babysitting at unsociable hours.

Flowersonthewall · 23/02/2016 20:59

I can't believe people are so brass necked like this. I wouldn't dream of doing this, to be honest I'd feel embarrassed asking my best friend to have children that often! Bizarre behaviour...does make you wonder what on earth is going on!

Hissy · 23/02/2016 21:01

Has she gone away on holiday or something? :(

Poor kid!

Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 21:02

Right, I've text her this: "I'm sorry you seem to be having a run of hard luck at the moment and this has meant you are struggling to arrange childcare for your DD, and whilst I was happy to help, afraid I'm not in a position to continue to take DD for you overnight or after school, I have too much on my plate myself at the minute. DD is of course welcome to come and play in the holidays, but during term time I'm afraid it's not possible. I hope that things settle down for you and DD soon"

I've probably been a bit less direct than I could have been, but for all I know this woman could make my life hell, so thought apologetic but clear was the way to go. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 21:04

stealth, first time mum dropped her off, second she came home from school with us.

OP posts:
Maudofallhopefulness · 23/02/2016 21:05

You are less blunt and more diplomatic than I'd have been, but your message is clear. Good for you.

Not hoping for batshit reply from cheeky cah, oh no!

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/02/2016 21:06

I hope she doesn't kick off, purely because Incan imagine her spooking things for her daughter :(

AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2016 21:12

I think your text is perfect. I have a feeling that you won't received any further communications from her as you've made it absolutely clear that you're not interested in being her child minder.

SisterMoonshine · 23/02/2016 21:12

I think your text is fine.
It's polite enough and any normal person would get the message.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/02/2016 21:13

Good message OP.

flanjabelle · 23/02/2016 21:13

I think that is a good reply. However if she is the sort to go mental and make your life hell then she will regardless. Sorry op, I don't think this bodes well for you all all. She hasn't backed down despite you being quite assertive already, I have warning bells going off.

allsunshineandroses · 23/02/2016 21:13

If I were in your shoes I would mention it to school. At least by doing that you have expressed any concerns you have and they will know the child, and possibly the family, meaning they are better placed to decide if any action is required.

Lovemytent · 23/02/2016 21:16

Oh...please post her reply ! Got to know how this pushy cheeky madam takes your message.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2016 21:21

Thanks. When I drop off for the first time I always want to go in and say hi, and I expect people to want the reverse. That said mine are slightly younger but I can't see that changing any time soon

whathaveiforgottentoday · 23/02/2016 21:35

can't believe the cheek of the women. I think your text is fine, best to keep it polite as she is clearly delusional so best to assume she may be a bit unhinged so playing it safe in your message is a good idea.

evilcherub · 23/02/2016 21:47

What is so strange is that she would talk to a complete stranger like this as thought it is perfectly natural. Self entitled weirdo (her obviously).

ChemicalReaction · 23/02/2016 21:59

I think in your situation o would definitely be flagging it with the school. I agree it sounds like she works nights and is struggling for childcare.

AyeAmarok · 23/02/2016 22:00

I think it's a very polite message, and you also offered the DD to play in holidays which was nice.

Just make sure you don't get sucked into taking her for a month of the summer!

rollonthesummer · 23/02/2016 22:19

I cannot believe she would be so rude! Who looked after her child last week? The week before!? Has anyone else at the school been asked to have her ?!

Has she replied to your text?

RebootYourEngine · 23/02/2016 22:37

I think that its either work or a boyfriend.

Cheeky cow. Good for you OP for saying no and sticking to it.

TattyDevine · 23/02/2016 23:17

She is taking so much piss she is an actual walking talking catheter.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/02/2016 23:26

Oh god you shouldn't have put that thing about how she is welcome to come over in the holidays.......I hope you didn't have plans for the easter holidays!!

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 23/02/2016 23:59

That was a very diplomatic and polite text, OP - and a good one. I always think it's best to remain polite and be nice - but not a doormat. You've achieved that.

I'm afraid she sounds like one of life's piss-takers.

Verbena37 · 23/02/2016 23:59

It's very worrying that she doesn't even know you but is willing for you to have DD multiple nights over and over.

I'd flag it up with school tbh....not in a mellow dramatic way but just as a mention.

cranberryx · 24/02/2016 00:19

OP, that text was polite and to the point - I would personally block her now because she may just try and guilt you or possibly get nasty over text which isn't on.

5/7 nights by my count? Wtf? She needs to arrange for a babysitter or relative if it's going to become routine. That poor little girl! 😢 at 9/10 yrs old, surely she can go to the hospital to visit her friend etc as well. This woman needs to start acting like a mother and stop farming her kids out to all and sundry.

I would speak to the school about it, she may have form for this and SS might already be involved. It could just be a temp thing, or it might be a long standing problem (or a new boyfriends penis)

You did the right thing OP.

Can't believe she expects you to be her childcare, 😡