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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
ChampagneTastes · 23/02/2016 19:42

Wow! People are mad aren't they? Poor kid though.

HermioneWeasley · 23/02/2016 19:44

She's got more front than Brighton

eatyouwithaspoon · 23/02/2016 19:47

excellent idea for a text form one of the recent posters. I must admit I would also ask why because I am nosy! She is a cheeky mare.

WitchWay · 23/02/2016 19:55

I'm nosy too & would want to know why she'd probably lie though

Mouthfulofquiz · 23/02/2016 19:56

I would have to ask outright why she is asking someone she has never actually met, for so much help looking after her daughter.

sleeponeday · 23/02/2016 19:57

Just don't reply. As has been said, block her.

Her poor child. Sad

MrsWembley · 23/02/2016 19:57

Have you thought about having the child again and gently finding out how often this sort of thing happens before jumping to conclusions and calling SS?

SushiAndTheBanshees · 23/02/2016 20:01

I never know whether to feel bad for the mums in these situation, or just mad.

I mean, how chaotic must your life have to be to have to farm your kid out like this, repeatedly. How stressful and shambolic.

Of course, it's the DD herself who suffers the most, and it's such a tough call to say "not my problem" and turn away. That's not going to help the kid...but it truly isn't the OP's problem either.

I'm glad I've never been in this situation as I think I would allow myself to be taken for a ride, just to spare the poor child Sad

LadyStoicIsBack · 23/02/2016 20:01

I thought this thread was Shock at first, then it got to ShockGrin, then it got to ShockAngry and now it's gotten to Angry[worried about this poor kids welfare & safety]Sad

I make that now 4 night out of 7 in which she has asked you to have her child?

AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU FROM ADAM.

Brass neck and humour aside, safe guarding issue right there and you can't step around it I'm afraid OP - you must speak to the school's welfare officer tomm.

Fifi10 · 23/02/2016 20:02

I agree that SS wouldn't be interested ordinarily, but they may already be known or have had previous SS involvement. That would be for them to assess and ignore as they felt fit.

I don't think it's appropriate or OPs job to try and investigate and find out for herself- maybe speaking to the school could be a balance between the two? Again, school may know stuff and be able to assess what is going on better than OP can as she doesn't really know this woman.

BillBrysonsBeard · 23/02/2016 20:03

Shocking! I am in shock reading this. Well done for standing strong OP. I can't believe some peoples cheek!

expatinscotland · 23/02/2016 20:05

'She's text AGAIN, saying she's arranged something else for tomorrow now, but she's struggling for Friday shock'

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Spandexpants007 · 23/02/2016 20:09

Why does she need child care? What's coming up?

YouTheCat · 23/02/2016 20:11

I'd definitely mention it to the school. If she has form for this, or not being on time on a regular basis, then they might already be in the system anyway but it's always good to have some extra eyes on a situation like this.

What if she farmed out her dd to someone as slapdash as she is and something happened?

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/02/2016 20:12

I would normally agree with the 'ignore' advice, but someone like this is likely to taking ignoring as acquiescing!

'Something doesn't come up' every day of the week. If she needs help every day, then she needs to put a regular system in place, and pay for it, like everyone else.

I would text back: wow, something's come up again? That's every day this week. It might a good idea to look into after school care or a childminder, to take the stress out of your situation. I'm afraid I can't help.

nephrofox · 23/02/2016 20:19

Agree she's taking the piss and you definitely not unreasonable!

Slightly off the main topic...after the first sleepover did you arrange to have her collected at 6am or 6pm? ! One is ridiculously early and one is quite a commitment - especially as that then changed to 8 o clock!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2016 20:23

Let's see…Some time last week during term time, Monday night, possibly tonight (I'm sure she would have turned the school pickup to an overnight as her 'friend' will 'need her', Wed night, Friday night, next Monday night.

Sounds like someone may work nights and has either lost their childcare, can no longer afford it, or it's a new job and they can't find overnight care.

She probably doesn't want to admit it because she knows you'll either say you don't want to be her child minder or you'll expect to be paid.

Iammostseriouslydispleased · 23/02/2016 20:25

Ignore, ignore, ignore - she'll be twitching.

expatinscotland · 23/02/2016 20:26

True, Dowager, you have a point. Might be best to text her back. 'I cannot help you with childcare. You need to make other arrangements.'

evilcherub · 23/02/2016 20:32

What Jolsebaby suggests.

ILikeUranus · 23/02/2016 20:35

Bloody hell, this woman is extracting the Michael so much she actually needs planning permission for a mining operation. You should just offer to adopt her dd and have done with it!

Comeonmommy · 23/02/2016 20:37

How rude! You have 100% done the right thing and think the school need to be aware. Maybe a bit of digging needs doing before calling SS but someone needs to know what is going on in that poor child's world - so sad :-(

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/02/2016 20:45

Might be best to text her back. 'I cannot help you with childcare. You need to make other arrangements

This, I think is about right.

I think you should also mention to the school. This little girl perhaps needs a bit more support. What about homework etc. if she's being farmed out every night of the week? Someone at school keeping a caring eye on her wouldn't go amiss.

Maudofallhopefulness · 23/02/2016 20:53

Jolesbaby said what I was going to suggest, except slightly more politely.

StealthPolarBear · 23/02/2016 20:56

Op how does the girl usually get to your house?