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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman taking the proverbial, or am I actually unreasonable?

387 replies

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 23/02/2016 12:07

Invited DD1s friend over for a play date in half term, and we were expecting her at 10. At 11.30 there was still no sign, so I sent mum a text asking if friend was still coming. Mum said yes, but could she now stay the night as something had come up and she didn't have anyone else to ask.

Her DD has never been here before, but DD1 likes her so I said yes, no problem, ad generally I am happy to help people in a bind, though I was a bit Hmm that she was happy to leave her DD with people she's never met overnight.

Friend came, the girls had a great time and we're good as gold. All good. Roll on for friend to be collected, and the mother texts to say she'll be over at 8 now not 6 - ok fine, no problem for me, and girls are happy.

This is where I'm not sure if being a cow or of mum is BU. 10 mins after leaving here she asks if I can have her DD overnight this Monday , as again something had come up- I said ok and hadher DD from after school mon and dropped her at school this morning, thinking that was the end of the matter. Only it wasn't - she's just text me and asked for me to have her again after school and overnight tomorrow.

I've said no. I might be being unreasonable, because technically there isn't really any reason why she can't come, I just feel a bit of a habit forming and don't want to fall into that trap. No actual reasons have been given for the need for me to have her, just 'something has come up'.

Her DD is lovely, but DD2 is in teething hell and when she's staying over I'm anxious the crying might leave her tired for school, so find it difficult to relax, and my DD doesn't sleep as well as she's not used to sharing a room, which is absolutely fine for the occasional night but I really don't want her knackered come the end of the week as we are away for the weekend and it'll be crap if she's grumpy.

Please tell me I'm not being horrible and that you would have said no too?! Blush

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 24/02/2016 08:57

This thread just keeps giving! SInce when are you friends?

How about:

'I'm sorry, you're right, friends should help each other out. Can you have my DD on Monday, Wednesday and Friday overnight next week, and on Sunday you could come over and help us ot tile the utility room' Grin

cranberryx · 24/02/2016 08:57

You could say:

"Good friends?! Awesome! Come watch my DD for an hour whilst I go for a haircut, thanks! That's what good friends do right?

... Oh and can you tile my utility room?"

BigHairySpider · 24/02/2016 08:58

Blimey Shock
She clearly misunderstands the definition of a friend. Hate to know how she interprets an enemy.

cranberryx · 24/02/2016 08:59

X-post on the utility room!!

OP, you have to ask her to tile your utility room! We dare you! Grin

evilcherub · 24/02/2016 09:05

Definitely text back the utility room text!

perfumedlife · 24/02/2016 09:12

To her, there's no such thing as new friends, only mugs she hasn't met yet.

momb · 24/02/2016 09:22

She's a prize isn't she?
...but you do realise that you have actually offered to be a holiday club for her don't you? I hope you don't have plans for Easter!

OnlyLovers · 24/02/2016 09:27

Well, you were more polite and apologetic than she deserved.

Block her number now and stop reacting to her. She's taking up a lot of your time and energy.

Jux · 24/02/2016 09:30

Text back 'friend' and 'short-notice overnight nanny' are not synonymous

mellowfartfulness · 24/02/2016 09:35

I've asked a friend to take my child overnight ONCE, because I was in frigging labour. And then bought her a massive box of chocs to say thanks. This lunatic thinks it's fine to ask that three times in the space of a week and is aggrieved when you say no. Woman's on a different planet.

WizzardHat · 24/02/2016 09:44

I think she's confusing 'friend' with 'doormat', surely. Cheeky caahh!

trinitybleu · 24/02/2016 09:55

What BalloonSlayer suggested, but add "from someone you'd never met when you first asked and have now only briefly chatted with on the doorstep."

Whingewhingewine · 24/02/2016 09:55

This post has pulled me out of lurkdom to say you big fat meanie! How dare you not continue to provide free childcare for this woman. She is so polite and appreciative too!

Please continue to text, it's hilarious. Although I do feel sorry for the daughter. Imagine having a parent who couldn't wait to palm you off on anyone at all.

Trickydecision · 24/02/2016 10:04

trinitybleu

Grin Grin

FlyChickie · 24/02/2016 10:07

Text her the link to this thread. Your posts have been exemplary and not once have dissed the silly cow. Everyone else's posts, however, (and quite rightly), show her up to be the energy-stealing, selfish and irresponsible parent she obviously is. You're in the clear!

Three fair and reasonable texts from you haven't given her the message, 10 PAGES of us all thinking she's a twat might just help the penny drop...
Grin

dinkystinky · 24/02/2016 10:12

Wow at that last text.

Block her - she's not going to change and will just become more irate with you.

I would mention it to the school welfare officer though as this is something the school needs to keep an eye on.

pictish · 24/02/2016 10:14

"No, you thought I was going to be a willing babysitter. V taken aback by your text there. I am in no way obliged to look after your daughter. I can't imagine why you thought I would be. Good luck with the childcare arrangements, with that approach you'll need it."

Jux · 24/02/2016 10:18

I think when you next see her, you should laugh and say "Nice one! You really had me for a while!" and carry on laughing.

Maybe a playful arm punch too.

Jux · 24/02/2016 10:20

Or text back "Arf! Grin good joke [happy smiley face]". Make her think that you're not taking her seriously as her request/comments are so ludicrous no one could, and you appreciate her soh.

RedToothBrush · 24/02/2016 10:21

Just be rude or ask her why she is being so rude and ungrateful?

Jux · 24/02/2016 10:26

"I don't even know you"

pictish · 24/02/2016 10:26

I agree. I think that text from her has pretty much invited you to respond harshly.

"Thanks for nothing." she says. Like you ever owed her a single thing!

There is no way I could let that one lie. I'd have my final say then never acknowledge her again.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 24/02/2016 10:31

Damn, she has got some high class "Cheekyfuckwittery" going on.

SpartaCarcass · 24/02/2016 10:32

I am really shocked by this (after thinking it was amusing in the first part of the thread).
I have recently been on a safeguarding training course and this woman is giving lots of red flags.
Please can you talk to someone in the school and express concern that the child is being farmed out to strangers without any checks. The school will then have to make a record of this and I think they will contact social services. You don’t know if this has been reported before and is an ongoing neglect issue.
Seriously – if something happens to the child and you are saying “well there was something odd when I looked after her” it would be like the baby P case where everyone had their suspicious but not one person acted on it. Nothing lost either if she’s just slack.

Also – how can you not have asked her what the something come up is? I am terminally nosy and couldn’t just have said yes without asking.

BalloonSlayer · 24/02/2016 10:32

I missed the "thanks for nothing."

how about

"Thanks for nothing? How about 'Thanks for two nights of free childcare for someone I don't even know.' "

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