What happened to the thread where kids hadn't been picked up?

[Shouldknowbetter2015]

This is the first chance I've had to check since this morning & i can't find it. Hoping there was a happy ending???

[BathtimeFunkster]

First attempts to contact the father had begun by 8.45.

It shouldn't have taken hours to get hold of him if he had even an inkling that his wife might be in her friend's pub.

If someone abandoned their children in my house overnight to go on the piss I would be furious.

If I got in touch with their overseas spouse after hours of trying and they were unsurprised by this turn of events and easily able to tell me the location of the piss up, I would not think much of them either.

It would feel like both of them had taken me for a gobshite.

Her more than him, obviously. But I would have been expecting him to be shocked and worried and for this to be a one off.

To finally get through after hours of worrying and looking after upset children to find out that he knew where she was and this was not the first time, would piss me off.

[HackAttack]

Apologies goat, I misunderstood I was very much reading the British interpretation!

[Meeep]

I feel awfully sorry for the dad. Aren't they separated?
If the mum has form, it might be that she's not turned up to collect them from him before, and gone to the pub instead. If she'd done that to him, he, fairly, might not extrapolate that she could do the same with an almost stranger while he was away.

[HicDraconis]

Bathtime you're being ridiculous.

I have to travel for work. Often. This month I'm away for at least one day and will be uncontactable for most of it (what with having to turn my phone off while on a plane and then being unable to use international roaming). My husband is going to have to make lunches and dinners, do both school runs and generally be a parent while I'm away.

If he chooses to behave like a complete arse and abandon the boys at someone else's house instead (which he won't) then I fail to see how it is my responsibility in any way shape or form.

The responsibility for the children while one parent is away is squarely, totally and 100% the parent who is at home.

I can't refuse to travel, if I did then I would be unable to keep my job. I am the sole earner, that would mean losing the house. I have to travel, ergo I have to trust my husband to be equally as good a parent as I am when he has to be away. OP's DH trusted her - misplaced trust as it turns out and I'm sure there will be a fair few discussions about how to manage business trips in future - but I cannot see how he is responsible for his wife's choices.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all,
Please could we remind you all not to trollhunt or speculate as to the legitimacy or otherwise of threads, it's going to mean we have to delete this thread if it continues, and we can see that you do want somewhere to discuss the subject.
We have, though, left bibbity and Vocational's more esoteric musings on the subject of truth, as, well, they're right, we can never really know who's who and what's what.
We do our best here at HQ to make things stand up - or fall down - but no one ever knows for sure. In general, though, if we have had a look and decided to give the benefit of the doubt to a poster then we do expect you guys to do the same if possible, at least in public.

[BathtimeFunkster]

^like a complete arse and abandon the boys at someone else's house instead (which he won't) then I fail to see how it is my responsibility in any way shape or form.

It wouldn't be.

But if you change the words in brackets to (which he well might), then you would be negligent to leave them with him.

If this was foreseeable and he took no steps to mitigate it happening, then he has to bear some responsibility for what happened to his children.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Tell me Bathtime, would you still feel the same if it was the father who was drunk and the mother away on business? I'm willing to bet a pretty penny you wouldn't. In fact, I think you'd be saying she should LTB.

[BigQueenBee]

I messaged to say something along the lines of; " Oh not another thread about this" as there was one a few days back. I was deleted.
I didn't ever suspect it was a troll thread.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Well bath, if you can find him a job that allows him.to follow around a grown woman all day or convince the tories to let him.stay home without looking fir work, like ever incase two children be may not even live with need picking up at random times in order to absolve the.mother of any responsibility, be sure to post it here won't yku.

[BathtimeFunkster]

Tell me Bathtime, would you still feel the same if it was the father who was drunk and the mother away on business?

Of course.

Only in that case it would be entirely uncontroversial.

"She left her children ominous the sole care of their alcoholic father who has disappeared before? "

It's only men that are allowed to stop being parents when they are at work

In fact, I think you'd be saying she should LTB.

Of course I would. I think the father should LTB.

I don't consider his poor judgement to be even close to what his wife did to their children.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

No one said he stops being a parent.

he may he witg her in order to be there for the kids more than.if they split.

if they are fed and clean and generally taken care of there's no garuntee anyone will intervene. especially as despite circumstances they went abandoned they were witg a responsible adult. it could went be difficult to prove she's unfit.

if he leaves work even as sole carer of his children he will expected to look fir work. if he's highly qualified low paid part time jobs will probably see him. as over qualified anyway.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

And if he doesn't live with her

his boss will not have him.shirking half his responsibility to allow him.to follow his ex about.

[Abed]

It is in no way the fathers fault.

I cannot believe that it has been seriously suggested that he stops travelling for work, he'd quickly find himself out of a job in my company if he did that.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

You've a pretty twisted way of viewing things Bathtime...

[BillSykesDog]

Absolute bollocks. If it was the father who'd done that it would be abuse and any suggestion that the mother was to blame would be labeled victim blaming.

We know that the mother holds down a job and did a full day's work before getting drunk. That says to me that this is not a woman who is a constant habitual drunk. If her issues are sporadic how is the father ever to know when it's going to happen? He would have to give up his job.

I suspect now he will be able to inform his work what has happened with the police etc, and they'll probably be more sympathetic to making allowances etc. But before this do people seriously expect that he could just have gone in and said 'Oh I can't do that trip, coz the missus might get shitfaced'.

It must be incredibly hard having an alcoholic partner. And as a man he won't get a lot of the sympathy women do when in that predicament (as some posters have demonstrated on this thread).

[HackAttack]

It is disturbing how some women on here decide a situation purely based on gender. Woman fucks up, needs sympathy, support and understanding, man messes up any punishment appropriate, no mitigation considered. It doesn't really paint women as particularly reasonable when people read posts like that :/

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

It's basically bat shit Hack.

[Underdogsbollocks]

All we know is that the mum 'had form for similar things' that could have just meant she has left the dad in charge of DC and not returned at some point which is nowhere as serious as this and don't think it would have stopped him going away to work . Personally I feel sorry for him, he is probably wracked with guilt and facing a very tough time ahead.

[Underdogsbollocks]

All we know is that the mum 'had form for similar things' that could have just meant she has left the dad in charge of DC and not returned at some point which is nowhere as serious as this and don't think it would have stopped him going away to work . Personally I feel sorry for him, he is probably wracked with guilt and facing a very tough time ahead.

[Fedup21]

Do we know the mum is an alcoholic? Or just that she went to the pub (her friend's pub, so a good guess which place to start looking) after work.

Totally irresponsible to the children and shite on the OP, but where's the assumption that's she's an alcoholic come from?

[gooseberryroolz]

gooseberryroolz For goodness sake, this has got nothing to do with terrorism!





WTF have I been deleted for on this thread?

All I said was 'The Mum was in the pub apparently'

[myname2016]

You have been sceptical goozeberry to be fair.

[HicDraconis]

We don't even know that she has form for going on extended benders although that has been extrapolated from a few comments OP made on the previous thread.

For all we know, she's previously only done similar to the stories of hundreds of other threads - gone out for a night with her friends (or had a lockin at her friend's pub) and not come back until 3 or 4am, leaving her children with their father for the night. I wouldn't automatically assume this would mean she would try and do the same when her children are at a friend's house and therefore don't think that this situation is necessarily something that could have been predicted by OP's husband.