Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What happened to the thread where kids hadn't been picked up?

167 replies

Shouldknowbetter2015 · 22/02/2016 18:14

This is the first chance I've had to check since this morning & i can't find it. Hoping there was a happy ending???

OP posts:
HackAttack · 22/02/2016 20:10

She was drunk and you left a kid there? Nice....

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 20:10

On the other thread the OP said she'd finally spoken to the father and it seemed this was not a one off.

IIRC he was the one who told the OP and the police where she was likely to be.

So he went overseas knowingly leaving his children with someone he was unsurprised to find out had abandoned them.

That is absolutely poxy parenting and any mother who fucked off to the other side of the world leaving her children in the sole care of an alcoholic with form for leaving them to go on benders would be torn a new one.

The sexism is in the idea that the "poor man" had no choice put to out his job before his children's safety.

myname2016 · 22/02/2016 20:11

What would you have done Hack? Kept the child indefinitely?

LadyStoicIsBack · 22/02/2016 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HackAttack · 22/02/2016 20:13

Bathtime have you considered it may have been some time since she'd done something like this? Is there any blame on mother at all in your ideas? Despite the lack of information available you can't see past the utter horror if his having a penis to consider that doesn't immediately make him a failure as a human being and a father?

HackAttack · 22/02/2016 20:14

Myname I would have contacted family if possible or children's services before I left the child there and considered my conscience clear. Wouldn't you?

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/02/2016 20:14

nothing changes the fact though that they need money.

him.leaving means he has to go on job seekers. which guess what, requires he looks fir work.

he would still be expected to search fir work even as a.lone parent once the kid hits 5.

courts would still grant the mother access.

so where would quitting work.get him?

apart from homeless

Maryz · 22/02/2016 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myname2016 · 22/02/2016 20:23

Children's services for a drunk womam? No, I wouldn't Hack - personally I wouldn't see that as severe enough to warrant calling them, depending on level of drunkenness I suppose. Unconscious, probably :)

HackAttack · 22/02/2016 20:25

Do you know it's actually a criminal offence to be drunk in charge of a child? I agree the level is important but if they were drunk enough to forget to collect their child it is pretty indicative.

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 20:26

I think the mother should not have her children returned to her.

She is clearly utterly unfit.

But those children have two parents and the one who left them with an unfit mother and was uncontactable for hours whilst they were in her care did not cover himself in glory.

Also L the fuck OL at the idea that someone who has to travel for work will immediately be fired and be homeless and destitute if they are unable to travel temporarily due to a family crisis.

He knew this might happen and he left his children with her and didn't take care to know where they were, who was looking after them, or even bother to be contactable.

That is pretty cavalier with a 7 and 4 year old left with a mother who goes on benders and abandons them.

MrsDeVere · 22/02/2016 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/02/2016 20:30

Well perhaps he thought that you know, she could hold off for a weekend Hmm

not as if she can't go out when he gets back.

and no, it's not a simple case of changing hours or refusing to do things. that could easily loose.him.his job.

she is responsible fir her own.actions. her problem isn't so bad she can't hold down a job so why would he assume she couldn't look after the kids

Fedup21 · 22/02/2016 20:31

Do we know for definite this mum is an alcoholic?

emotionsecho · 22/02/2016 20:32

Bathtime , OP said the husband had an idea where she might be, how do you extrapolate from that one line that the mother 'has form for abandoning her children'?

It is awful trying to lay the blame for this on the husband and finding every far fetched excuse under the sun to absolve the mother.

Maryz · 22/02/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 22/02/2016 20:33

Also L the fuck OL at the idea that someone who has to travel for work will immediately be fired and be homeless and destitute if they are unable to travel temporarily due to a family crisis.

But it wouldn't be temporarily though would it? If it's irresponsible for him to leave the kids in their mothers care this weekend then presumably it would be irresponsible to leave them the next time he needs to travel for work? And the time after that?

AlisonWunderland · 22/02/2016 20:40

While we're at it, can we ban the filling of threads with "any update OP?"
It's totally pointless.

Either there is no news, or the OP is actually busy dealing with the crisis in hand.
Their first priority is NOT to update the users of MN.

Also, this is someone's real life, it's not bloody Eastenders

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 20:41

temporarily though would it? If it's irresponsible for him to leave the kids in their mothers care this weekend then presumably it would be irresponsible to leave them the next time he needs to travel for work? And the time after that.

Clearly.

But leaving them with a mother he knows they are not safe with is not his only option.

He only needs to stop leaving his children alone until he can make other safe arrangements.

Lots of serious situations arise for employees who need to travel that mean they have to step back for months, or maybe years.

It's not at all unusual. In fact women refuse to travel for childcare reasons all the time. They don't usually get fired on the spot.

myname2016 · 22/02/2016 20:43

I don't think we can ban it Alison but I hear you. Better that than:

.

though, which is just fucking ignorant beyond belief.

EmGee · 22/02/2016 20:43

It's outrageous that so many are blaming the dad! I really cannot believe what I read on here sometimes. Either way, it's all speculation. Maybe the mum's been sober (and gone to AA) for months and months and the dad thought she was fit to look after them. Maybe she persuaded him to go and said 'Don't you trust me?'. Who on earth knows. But ridiculous to blame him.

She can and should be blamed though - she was in sole charge of those kids this weekend and went to the sodding pub. She went to work and then went to the pub! She didn't drink herself into a stupor at home the minute she dropped the kids off. She actually drove to a friend's pub after she'd been at work. Knowing full well her kids were being looked after by someone she didn't even know that well, knowing her husband was away, and also not checking her phone once while she was there. What if one of them had had a fall, or an accident and had been rushed to A and E? Why does everyone assume she is a victim? She may well be in which case yes, she needs help but she could also just be a selfish woman. Really feel for her kids especially the youngest.

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 20:44

Who has absolved the mother?

Certainly not I.

I'm surprised it's so controversial that being away working doesn't entirely absolve you of all responsibility towards your children.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/02/2016 20:51

Well I still can't see how a person cab quit half their job without consequences just incase a grown woman who happens to work.herself and ergo controls her drinking well enough to fulfill her responsibility to her employer, decides to go on a bender.

how the hell do you think that's going to go down with work.

if he applied fir full custody tomorrow it would still take months. and money.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/02/2016 20:51

How does anyone know it was a genuine thread? Surely you do not. You never know.

LadyStoicIsBack · 22/02/2016 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.