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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

164 replies

Dot33 · 22/02/2016 14:48

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

OP posts:
Hinkypunk · 22/02/2016 17:22

I completely agree with everything you've said Dot... Expecting our first soon and I feel very strongly about this. You just need to tell them. You're her parent, and therefore it's your choice. They can express their pride/love in lots of other ways and I don't understand the need for everything to be public these days!!

Cutecat78 · 22/02/2016 17:33

Are a lot of PPs on here famous?

If not you are all BU.

No one who doesn't know you gives a rats arse about your kids photos on FB.

As PP have said it's the ones they will post themselves you need to worry about Grin

sunshinemeg · 22/02/2016 17:37

I haven't read all the replies, I got bored of the people saying - you can't expect people not to post on Facebook. Umm why not? Yes we live in a media rich world, but every individual has the right to decide how much of a part they play. Until then it's the PARENTS right to decide. The poster who said the baby is their relative too. Oh do shut up. The primary carer is the parent. They are the ones that have to raise the child and make decisions. Other relatives are on the outside and must respect what the parents want.

We decided we didn't want others posting images of our children on the basis that we didn't know all the people they were then going to. We vetted our own Facebook profiles to remove anyone we didn't really have contact with these days and therefore didn't really know. We have a duty to protect our children, and yes that does extend to social media. I ha done relative throw a strop about it, the rest understood. Stand your ground OP

roundaboutthetown · 22/02/2016 17:38

Dot33 - Would you ask your child's permission before you showed a close friend a photo of your child, or sent them a photo in a letter to show them what your baby looked like (say they had emigrated to Australia)? Or do you just assume that in some situations it is OK to share photos without your child's permission?...

Tbh, I think you are being paranoid. If you can't clearly define what it is about your child's image being permanently recorded that you don't like, then that might just be because an innocent photo is just that. Yes, photos of vomiting or embarrassing yourself are one thing, but photos verifying your existence?!... The internet is swilling over with baby photographs and people giving away your personal information. Letting everyone know your baby's name, dob, address, mother's maiden name, etc, if someone wanted to pick on your child and steal their identity one day is a risk, but if you want to avoid that, you need to campaign for the abolition of computers and the Internet, because all that information is out there on all of us for anyone obsessed enough to collect it and use it for harm (even without computers, people used to find ways to access that information). It's not as if businesses and governments holding our data are not already leaky sieves. And I think that sort of data can be more interesting to people we don't trust than a baby photograph. Yes, be careful what you post and keep an eye on what other people post, but don't go OTT about it, or you will end up feeling very stressed! Even if not on the Internet, if your child is one day famous, someone will find an embarrassing image from their youth to share with the world...

roundaboutthetown · 22/02/2016 17:44

Although having said that, I see no problem in asking relatives not to post photos of your child without checking with you, first. I just don't see the point in getting too upset about what has already been done - they weren't to know you didn't like it.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 17:45

What on earth does any of this have to do with a baby being 'potentially' famous? - NOTHING
What does it have to do with the privacy of a child until they have the right to decide for themselves what appears on social media? - EVERYTHING

PirateSmile · 22/02/2016 17:45

Weird, over the top and attention seeking reaction OP.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 17:47

The internet is swilling over with baby photographs and people giving away your personal information.

Maybe for other people, not for us Smile Wink
Only if you allow it . . .

Dawndonnaagain · 22/02/2016 17:48

I don't think it matters whether or not there is something describable about the pictures going up. Fact is if OP doesn't want it, then that's the way it should remain. Until the child reaches an age where it is capable of making sensible decision, the OP is the responsible adult, ergo, decision final.
I have a couple of relatives who are big employers in the city. They check Facebook, although I have to say, baby photos don't interest them, it's the other drunken ones that they don't want to associate with their respective companies. But, as I say, it's the decision of the op.

DisappointedOne · 22/02/2016 17:48

How would potential employers searching on your daughter's name find photos posted on her aunt/grandparents or even your FB profiles, exactly?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 17:48

Weird, over the top and attention seeking reaction OP

???

roundaboutthetown · 22/02/2016 18:55

Evans - I meant photos of other peoples' babies. As for your personal information, I'm 100% certain that there is more personal information out there about you for strangers to access than you would like. You can't control everything, only exercise damage limitation. Or did you refuse to register your child's birth, get an NHS number for them, etc, etc? Numerous organisations have possession of data about me and some of them have undoubtedly been less careful with it than I would like.

Needcaffeinenow · 22/02/2016 19:02

I don't think you are being OTT. Anyone can see the pictures nowadays, even people you don't want knowing anything about your life. I have asked family not to put pictures up. Of course they should ask your permission before distributing pictures of your child. However, I think a lot of people are sucked into FB and this constant oversharing so may not get it. But I don't think you are being unreasonable.

lljkk · 22/02/2016 19:34

I presume people who object to baby's foto on FB are not on FB themselves, or at least post no fotos of selves on there? Coz all the abuse you fear for your child could happen to yourself tomorrow, right?

thebiscuitindustry · 22/02/2016 19:40

I presume people who object to baby's foto on FB are not on FB themselves

Correct in this case.

Pinkheart5915 · 22/02/2016 19:42

I am on Facebook myself, but I don't tend to post many photos of myself, mainly use it to talk to family that are abroad. It's just my personal choice to not put photos of my baby on Facebook. It's my baby and my choice.

I have nothing against mums that do post photos, there baby so it's up to them as parents

magpie17 · 22/02/2016 19:43

But you know, just because you are not on FB yourself it doesn't mean there arnt pictures of you (or your children) on there that you just don't know about. Photos from parties or nights out on my timeline often contain pics of friends that I know are not on FB themselves. I'd rather know they are there so I can hide/remove any unflattering ones myself.

ComeonSummer1 · 22/02/2016 20:19

grunt Grin

Think you need to lighten up op. FB is for the middle aged now and probably won't be around when your dd is having job interviews. My teen dds would t be seen dead on fb.

Pontytidy · 22/02/2016 20:33

I think it is wrong of others to post pictures of your baby. If that had been a school then you would have had to have given permission. In practice it is hard to enforce, I think approaching them directly and explaining the concern is reasonable and I think they would unreasonable not to respond to your request

MidniteScribbler · 22/02/2016 23:57

I had a facebook friend who started with not wanting photos of her new baby on facebook. Six months later, it has gone completely by the wayside as she said it was too stressful trying to micromanage his interactions with people to make sure there were no photos, and checking on facebook after meeting up with people to make sure no one posted a photo.

I wouldn't post a photo of a child without asking the parents if it is OK, but I don't currently have anyone of my friends who I see regularly who prefer not to have photos of their child posted. I use the billboard test for anything I post online - would I be happy if this was a photo of myself or DS and mounted on a billboard by the highway? If it passes that test, then I think it's ok.

sykadelic · 23/02/2016 03:47

Doesn't really matter what we think or others think, as FB's policy shows. You are the child's parent and if you don't want the photos on FB you can report them to have them removed.

FWIW I agree that I would never post photos of someone else's child without permission (and I don't), however I agree with others that if you don't ask people will assume you don't care either way. I wouldn't have assumed that myself and would have asked, but that's because I would expect the same.

I know when it comes to my in-laws I'm going to have problems and as much as I'd like to say "no photos online" at all, I think it would affect their relationship with our child (because that's the kind of people they are - if they can't do what they want then why bother with them at all) so my rules will be:

  1. No naked or half-naked photos (including topless/diaper shots)
  2. No photo that a weirdo might consider attractive (sexy makeup, sexy clothes etc)
  3. No videos that include things like nudity, butt shaking or whatever
  4. Preferably photo that you'd be embarrassed about seeing out there of yourself

I'd like to restrict the photos to a personal album/group because my in-laws friend all and sundry, but I'm not sure that's entirely rational... so this way they get to do what they want but I also get a little control.

lamingtonnutty · 23/02/2016 03:50

YABU and a little bit crazy. The employer this is way ott. They aren't going to not employe your D because of photos of her when she was little. It's more the crazy ones she may put up when she's older. Get a gripZ

Wiredforsound · 23/02/2016 04:14

If you allowed them to take photos with their cameras/phones, then they hold copyright on them and can do with them as they choose. The child is yours, but photos of him/her are not. You can ask them to take down the pics if you want, but really, and this might sound harsh, but nobody cares about photos of your baby. I see hundreds of pics of babies on FB every day. Can't tell one from the other.

EachToHerOwn · 23/02/2016 04:41

YANBU if you don't wish to have photos of your baby on FB that's entirely your choice. I have friends who feel exactly the same. As you didn't mention it to friends and family before, you just need to explain your reasons, plus you have a few options; ask them to take down the photos themselves; get FB to remove them as another poster suggested; accept the photos that are already posted but ask them to please not post any more (this might be the easiest compromise all round). I think most reasonable people, once knowing and understanding your wishes, would accept it. I don't think it's a cause for concern in terms of employers at this stage, and in any case if your/your family's FB security is set appropriately, they wouldn't be able to search and view the pictures anyway. I think it's also possible to post for just specific family/friends on FB, but you'd need to check settings for that. But I do understand your concerns going forward - I post pics of my DDs who are 5 and 2 and a half, but am wondering how long that should continue before it becomes an embarrassing legacy for them!

thebiscuitindustry · 23/02/2016 08:59

I don't think you even have to explain your reasons, or even have a reason. As soon as you mention a reason people will try to argue against it, when actually "I don't want this" should be reason enough.