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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

164 replies

Dot33 · 22/02/2016 14:48

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

OP posts:
coconutpie · 22/02/2016 15:34

YANBU. Your baby, your rules. People should not be so bloody stupid as to post photos of somebody else's child online unless they have received permission from you, the child's parent first. Tell them to take it down and also report it to Facebook in case they refuse.

coconutpie · 22/02/2016 15:35

Oh and you need to tell people not to post photos. Any family or friends that have taken photos of my DC I have told them no social media.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 22/02/2016 15:38

Have you checked who can see the photos? I'd assume they had privacy settings on their page so only their 'friends' can see the pics. And if that's the case your baby's prospective employer won't be able to see them.

Tread gently. Your mum is showing off pics of her grand-daughter. You don't have a monopoly on your DD's relationships and it's especially tricky if they're taking pics of themselves with her and you react in a very heavy-handed manner. They're proud of your baby.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 15:41

I'm with bigredballoon
I'm not on F/Book for the very same reasons.
I do not think photographs of babies and children should be posted all over F/Book for various reasons. (Some of those reasons being most unsavoury, unfortunately).
It is unlikely that anyone will ever see a pic of me on social media, as I have not given my permission, and anyone who knows me, knows this.
A baby or child cannot give permission for its picture to be posted all over the internet. So it is wrong to do so on that child's behalf. Yes, you might be a proud parent/other relative/friend. But it is not your decision to make on behalf of that child. Let them make their own decisions when they are able to do so.
And that is nothing to do with potential employers. It is for other reasons. Children's pictures can fall into the wrong hands for all sorts of wrong reasons.

Years ago, we had photo albums that chosen people had permission to view. We didn't hand out copies of our babies to any old odd-bod that happened to come knocking on the door. This is what F/Book does.

OP - YANBU, but perhaps you should have made this plain from the outset. Can you ask your relatives to remove the pictures, and tell them you do not want this to happen again? You can do it nicely, of course, as they clearly didn't realise.

Pinkheart5915 · 22/02/2016 15:42

I'm agree about not putting baby/ children photo on Facebook ( my personal choice) but you probably should of mentioned it to family.

Me and my hubby have not put any photos of our baby on Facebook but we did tell our family that we would like them to not put photos up as well and they all understood it was our choice and haven't put up photos.

ollieplimsoles · 22/02/2016 15:43

oh hang on op you didnt tell them?!

a bit u then, I told my family beforehand not to share pics of dd

NinaSimoneful · 22/02/2016 15:46

The thoughts of Facebook still being around in 20~ years time :-\

YABU to worry about future potential employers seeing a pic of a candidate from when she was three month old on a social media site and basing any kind of important decision on it.

But I do understand your decision not to plaster your DD all over social media and I do think your relatives should respect that. Whether they agree or not - whether they see any harm in it or not - it's ultimately your decision as parent.

FWIW DH put a pic of DD in her Halloween costume on FB and MIL used the pic as her cover photo (not profile pic). We've been NC with DHs family for nearly two and a half years!

APlaceOnTheCouch · 22/02/2016 15:47

Evans perhaps because you are not on FB, you don't realise that there are different privacy settings. OP's DM could have her settings so that only OP and her DM can view the pics, or only certain family members. In that way it is exactly like an old-fashioned photo album. The only difference being they people with access can make a copy of the pic if they want. Most people posting baby pics would take that into account.

NewLife4Me · 22/02/2016 15:47

YANBU because it's your decision, but you can't expect others to agree with you and should have told them not to.
Sorry, but your reasoning is a bit daft too as at 4 months old considering future employers looking at childhood photo's is a bit weird.

You need to tell your family your views and they should respect them.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/02/2016 15:49

Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up

how? unless she has her own profile and been tagged there is no way this will happen, also lets face it by the time she grows up, something else will have taken over

yanbu to not like it, but your reasons are technically incorrect

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 15:50

APlace - I'm not on F/Book now, but have been briefly, and my grown-up children are. So whilst I understand you can determine your own privacy settings, as I understand it, if someone you are 'friends' with does not have similar settings and then decides to share the picture, the privacy settings might not necessarily apply?

DeoGratias · 22/02/2016 15:50

I don't use FB for exactly this kind of reason. You can force them by law and morally to take them down. Give them 48 hours to get every one of them removed. If they don't then you can force FB to do so. We always in this family make it clear what use can be made of particular photos.

2rebecca · 22/02/2016 15:50

Agree with asking them not to and to remove those they've put up. My brother and SIL don't put photos of their kids on the net. They'll happily email us all photos and usually do email updates on holiday with photos but don't want the photos out there on a webpage. My kids now teenagers want to review any photo of them I post first.

WellTidy · 22/02/2016 15:52

I purposely don't put any photos of my DC on social media. It is a choice that DH (who isn't on social media at all, I just have a FB account) have actively made. If the DC want to have a social media presence when they're older, then they can decide that for themselves.

I have had people tagging me when posting photos of the DC in the past. I didn't feel comfortable asking that the photos be removed as they were group photos and there were other people in them. But I did untag myself.

PosieReturningParker · 22/02/2016 15:52

I think you'll change your mind over the next coming years, but I would kindly request that all are removed until you change your mind.

xenapants · 22/02/2016 15:53

You're being absolutely ridiculous. Do you really think someone would base a hiring decision on whether they saw someone's baby pics? Very precious of you.

mummymeister · 22/02/2016 15:54

Sorry Op but I think you are being a bit PFB about all of this.

why not set up a closed family group on facebook with only close family members in it and share the photos there. my niece has done that and it means I get to see pics of her DC as do others in my family but no one else does.

you really are being completely unrealistic if you think that there will never be pics of your child on facebook until they are over 13 and can choose for themselves.

the only way you can guarantee this is by banning photos of her. you just have to accept that you cannot control every aspect of her life and all you can do is mitigate the issues by taking control yourself and having a closed group,.

MadameDePompom · 22/02/2016 15:55

'You can force them by law and morally to take them down. Give them 48 hours to get every one of them removed.'

Or she could just have a nice conversation and ask them to remove them. Not everything has to be all guns blazing.

Eggsandketchup · 22/02/2016 15:58

You're being a bit pfb and ott. Sorry. However, if you tell your family not to put photos of your child on fb, they need to respect that. You're the mum, you're in charge of your baby. Not them.

Carlywurly · 22/02/2016 16:00

Arethereany I wish I could like your post. Grin

2rebecca · 22/02/2016 16:03

I don't think it's precious or ridiculous. This plastering photos of your children on the web has only been around a few years. You can share photos with family without the privacy concerns of social networking sites.
A lot of it is just proxy glory type stuff anyway.

Primaryteach87 · 22/02/2016 16:03

OP, we also don't post photos of our children. I did have to explain to all my relatives. Some openly got engaged by this. I just repeated that I totally respected that it was a minority position but we wanted them to respect it. F-I-l posted a couple and we asked him to take them down. He did. Now it's not an issue. To me, it doesn't matter what my reasons are, I get to decide. I'm happy to explain my reasons but it's okay if people don't 'get it'.

Primaryteach87 · 22/02/2016 16:04

^enraged not engaged

startingmylifeagain · 22/02/2016 16:07

Yanbu at all. I would never post pics of someone else's child on the internet without asking their permission first.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 16:11

Primary - OP, we also don't post photos of our children. I did have to explain to all my relatives. Some openly got enraged by this. I just repeated that I totally respected that it was a minority position but we wanted them to respect it. F-I-l posted a couple and we asked him to take them down. He did. Now it's not an issue. To me, it doesn't matter what my reasons are, I get to decide. I'm happy to explain my reasons but it's okay if people don't 'get it'

AND

Startingmylife - I would never post pics of someone else's child on the internet without asking their permission first

^ These comments exactly!