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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

164 replies

Dot33 · 22/02/2016 14:48

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

OP posts:
Myredcardigan · 22/02/2016 16:43

Sorry, Magpie, that was I response to your first post re yoghurt.

Lottie2611 · 22/02/2016 16:45

If you feel that strongly about it, why don't you tell them?
Personally, I think it should be up to you. But the employer thing..... Ridiculous.

SunnyNights · 22/02/2016 16:46

I don't have Facebook and have told family (repeatedly) that I don't want pictures of my children uploaded. I would hate to have my childhood pics on the Internet for all to see so won't do it to my children.

caitlinohara · 22/02/2016 16:48

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread either but based on your OP, YANBU. I know many will disagree but it's not really about future employers for me, it's just basic privacy, which is something that really matters to me. Anyway, they don't have to agree or get it, they just need to respect your wishes. Others will tell you that you are being all PFB but I would feel the same, and at the end of the day she may well thank you when she's 18. Smile

juneau · 22/02/2016 16:48

YANBU I'd ask them to take them down. You can do it nicely, but she's your DD and they should've asked (my sister does this too and it drives me up the fucking wall!)

FreshHorizons · 22/02/2016 16:53

YANBU but if you ask them and they ignore I can't see what you can do.

Notonthestairs · 22/02/2016 16:54

YANBU by deciding not to baby pictures on FB.

YABU in justifying it on the basis of job selection criteria.

YABVU for getting angry with your family without telling them of your feelings on the subject (unless they are all telepathic in which case YANBU).

mythbustinggov · 22/02/2016 16:56

Just a word of caution (this being AIBU) - copyright and use of a photograph legally remains with the photographer unless the image is sold (and the photographer can do that) - as long as the photo is taken in a public place or with the property owner or leaseholder/renters permission. So no-one has to ask permission, and contrary to a previous poster no-one can demand a photo be taken down if the photographer posted it.

Of course, if you have been asked not to post photos of someone's DC it's pretty rude to go ahead and do so - but strictly speaking you DO NOT need permission. (Also, it's pretty rude not to take a photo down if asked. But not a 'legal' requirement).

Photographing someone without their consent could be construed as harassment - publishing without consent (which includes social media) could certainly be open to a charge of harassment. But the rule is usually 'ask first before going to the law'.

For anyone interested there is a great (and current) summary of photographers rights here: www.sirimo.co.uk/2009/05/14/uk-photographers-rights-v2/ (you need to click the PDF link on the page)

So, if you don't want photos posted onto social media - tell people up front. And if you have children who are subject to a court order - let any event organiser or photographer know to avoid issues. But if someone takes a random shot with you and DC in the crowd they don't need your permission to post (or sell) the photo.

DeoGratias · 22/02/2016 16:56

No matter how many people on here think breaching the privacy rights of others is all fine and dandy they are all wrong about English law. It is illegal.

Kingfisherfree · 22/02/2016 16:56

There is the other side of course, employers now think that when someone has no media footprint it is suspicious. Apparently people who don't use social media sites are now at risk of being unemployable.

That's the only reason I joined Facebook as serial killers how been found to have no internet footprint!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 16:57

It is a shame that many posters appear to have focussed solely on the OP's possible scenario of possible future employers. I think it is quite plain this was not her main concern, merely an EXAMPLE.
It has been made perfectly clear since then that there are other potential issues, as highlighted by other posters (including me Smile )

My children are now of an age to decide what pictures of themselves appear on any social media sites. That is their decision, and theirs alone. I would NEVER have been presumptuous enough to decide for them. Their baby/young child pictures stay with me, until they ask for them.

I think this is the issue here. It is THEIR choice whether their photos get plastered over the internet, not mine.

MadameDePompom · 22/02/2016 16:59

OKAY

caitlinohara · 22/02/2016 16:59

Dammit, my cover has been blown. There goes my serial killing career... Hmm

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/02/2016 17:02

I work in recruitment. I can confirm we don't hire if your baby photo isn't utterly adorable.

We have to get candidates to scan and upload their baby photos though because there wasn't any Facebook or even the Internet when some of them were born. I'm really looking forward to the future when I can just Google grandma's Facebook page and hope she's lax with her privacy, tags the photos with the candidate's name and has the same name as the candidate. It will be so much easier!

Anyone who cannot produce a baby photo doesn't get an interview because they are clearly a massive fraudster.

Notonthestairs · 22/02/2016 17:03

Evans - she's entitled to make a choice but she does need to inform her family before she gets angry with them.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 17:03

So Facebook has no serial killer members? Hmmm Hmm

NigellaEllaElla · 22/02/2016 17:04

I don't think you're being OTT or precious. You have made a decision about your child and they need to respect it, if they aren't aware then it was innocent enough, but tell them of the decision you've made and that's it, end of. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.

Incidentally I don't put pictures of mine on there either. For the reasons you have mentioned but also cause what looks cute now (spaghetti bolognese all over them/bare bottom etc) Can easily be used for bullying at a later date.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 22/02/2016 17:05

Evans - she's entitled to make a choice but she does need to inform her family before she gets angry with them

I think that's been acknowledged and agreed with, generally?

Phalenopsisgirl · 22/02/2016 17:07

Honestly in this age you will be setting your child up for endlessly being left out if you have this attitude to pictures on the Internet. Every time a photographer comes to school for photos for whatever bake sale or nativity play or at friends birthday parties, your child will be the one who has to stand to the side whilst classmates are snapped or you'll look like a bit of a looney insisting your child isn't caught in other parents photos at their kids parties, to the point that you risk her not getting invites because it inhibits their ability to document their child's day. Also do you mean to say if you receive a wedding invite the couple have to inform all the guest they can't post pictures on social media in case they inadvertantly catch her in a shot! I can understand you want to protect her but I really wouldn't worry too much, there is very little harm can come of people seeing picture of your child.

Butwhyohwhy · 22/02/2016 17:08

Yanbu. I did the same when DS was born, I just don't like it!

mythbustinggov · 22/02/2016 17:09

DeoGratias poster - No matter how many people on here think breaching the privacy rights of others is all fine and dandy they are all wrong about English law. It is illegal.

You are correct - but if you read what I have written and linked to posting a legally taken photo rarely breaches privacy rights.

thepondstakemanhatten · 22/02/2016 17:11

I don't think that it's very unreasonable at all. If you've decided that you don't want pictures of your child on the internet then you have a right to ask them to take the pictures down. The employer thing might be a bit OTT but I think it's okay to ask for them to be removed

2rebecca · 22/02/2016 17:16

If you don't want to be easily found on facebook have your privacy settings high and a profile pic that isn't of you. Unless you have a unique name you're then hard to identify. I also don't have school, birthday etc data there either to prevent identity theft (name of school etc often being security questions)

2rebecca · 22/02/2016 17:18

I think it's different having an occasional photo as part of a group with school to lots of photos of only your child with their name attached to them all.

magpie17 · 22/02/2016 17:20

Myredcardigan I have thought about that and obviously I can't control the privacy settings of my FB friends or what they might do with a picture I put up. With that in mind I only post pictures that I wouldn't mind being made public, even though I don't make them public, IYSWIM. Yes of course a pic of my DC could fall into the hands of a paedophile I suppose, but i can't live my life worrying about that sort of thing or I would never take him out or swimming or whatever. I appreciate that other people feel different about the 'kids on FB' thing but I just struggle to get worked up about it.