My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

[Dot33]

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

not unreasonable to want no photos on facebook, but definitely unreasonable to expect people to work it out without telling them.

my mum is fairly new to facebook and doesn't always "get" it. she posts comments on random people's posts that she can see just because I have "liked" them, posts messages to people's timelines when she means to private message them etc. I think my brother has sorted out her privacy settings but otherwise she wouldn't know who could see what on her timeline. we told her specifically, no photos of dd, which she is fine with because we compromised and told her she could email them to a select group of her close friends and share them that way. otherwise, I'm sure she would have put loads on there without realising the consequences.

YANBU at all. Of course people should ask before sharing photos. And there's no need for FB, it can be done with an email attachment to selected people.

I post loads of pics of my DS on FB (bet every one of my friends secretly hates me) but I have very tight privacy settings. That said, I think it's your baby and therefore your rules and I would never post pics of somebody else's child without asking them first. Your family probably didn't realise that you wanted no pictures put up, so I would just explain and ask them nicely to take them down. No harm done.

FWIW I do think you're being a bit precious about it but it's your choice. For me, I will stop posting so many pictures of DS when he's older and more 'recognisable' because currently he just looks like a baby!

I'm not really sure why I've assumed it could have a negative impact on her future. The thing is we just don't know yet. Maybe FB won't exist but once an image is out there as a digital file it could end up anywhere on the internet and it's impossible to have any control over.

I think I feel uncomfortable about the choice issue as EvansOval said. She should have control over her own photos. I would've hated it if my Mum posted pics of me from birth in a public space but I guess the next generation won't know any different.

It definitely wasn't a private album, and I have no idea what the privacy settings are like on their accounts.

Thank you, I'll explain in a nice gentle way. I'll tell them I might still change my mind in future but for now no photo's please.

Primaryteach87 I'm so surprised that our views are in the minority!

Loving the concept of employers solemnly googling baby pictures and making employment decisions based on what you looked like at 3 months.

I think if I was of the same opinion as you, I'd be more concerned about the baby/ child photos going up on a public platform where anyone could see them.
Not future employers, more paedophiles tbh.

Just make sure they are set to private so that only friends can see them.
My FB profile is all set to private - my friends of friends can't see my stuff and if you search for me you can only see my profile picture and nothing else.

I'm with BigRedBalloon too! I can't stand FB anyway but there are no pics of my children online. I don't think the op should need to tell everyone beforehand, actually. I would never dream of putting a picture of someone's child online without their express permission. The default should be not to post the picture rather than to do because the parents hasn't expressed a wish not to.

I think you are being a bit over dramatic about it but it's not unreasonable to not want your family to put photos of your baby on Facebook, not unreasonable at all.

Just ask them to take the photos down and next time someone takes a photo say, "please don't share photos of DD on social media".

In the meantime, you can ask FB to remove the photos if your family won't co-operate.

YABVU to expect them to have read your mind regarding this.

I told everyone from the start that I didn't want pics of DS online and if someone does upload one, I just send them a quick PM asking them to take it down.

Future employers are not going to give a shit about your DD's baby photos but I do understand why you don't want to share her image on the internet.

Huh, I'd have said that you're not being unreasonable at all. If anything, I think the notion that you can't control this or that it's become totally expected that the norm is that photos of your baby will be shared is wildly unreasonable... But reading the thread I guess maybe I'm in a minority there, which is absolutely fine and definitely something I'll be aware of for the future. Good to know that it isn't actually implicit that you don't share photos without asking!

I have thought about the paedophile thing but the pics of my son on FB are the standard 'yoghurt on his face in his high chair' type ones, not really something a paedophile would be interested in (I assume) and one of millions like it on the Internet. My privacy settings are very strict though and I'm only friends with actual friends and family on FB but still, I suppose it's something to think about.

Dot33 you are not being unreasonable to not want your dd's photo on the internet.

You need to let them know this is your decision.

Whether they like or do not like your decision that is irrelevant.

But you have already established you do need to make your wishes known.

In terms of future employers i think the real 'risk' will be 'silly' things your dd may say on line, or photos she or others may post as a teenager that may affect career choices. This will be down to you explaining to her the impact the internet can have and that images posted will potentially be there forever.

I am not sure Facebook will go away, even if it does, I am not sure all those images posted will just go away.

Our son is adopted so we do not post photos of him. We rarely post photos of our dd. All our relatives who want to see our kids are welcome to see them in person or to get photos by email or message, Christmas card etc etc.

To some degree all babies look pretty similar but I do feel strongly children do not need that degree of visibility on the internet which is not their choice and not for their benefit.

I posted pictures of my great nephew on FB.
My niece rang me and asked me to remove them stating they were private pictures.
I apologised
I logged on straight away and deleted the relevant post.
My niece and I are as close as ever and she still Whatsapp's me his pictures.
I have never posted another picture of him on FB.
We all make mistakes, innocent ones and big huge ones.
This is not a biggie.

Well a little bit strongly!

Would you not consider letting them post some if their privacy settings are high. My Brother and SIL don't have FB but Im allowed to post photos of my nieces but my account settings are so high that I don't come up in searches and unless you're a friend you can't see any posts or photos

That way random folk can't see them ie future employers It's just like sharing photos with friends

I can just imagine the meeting where the potential employer sifts through CVs.

"So, this is Dot33 Jr. Grades are great, good uni, solid experience. What have you uncovered about her online?"

"Well, she used to be a baby."

"Put it straight in the 'no' pile then."

Unless there's a backstory you're not sharing, presumably they'll be happy to take them down if you explain you don't want her pictures appearing online.

I think you're overreacting a bit. She is their grandchild, niece etc. You should have told them if you didn't want them to share any photos.

Are you sure they have shared them publicly? Most people I know have tight privacy settings so photos are only shared with family and close friends or a hand-selected (customised) group. It's normal to want to share photos with close friends/family.

Rather than ban them from sharing photos you could ask them to restrict access so only selected people can see them.

I doubt her future employers will care about her baby photos!

I never put photos of other people's babies on FB without parents permission, and would rather they asked before posting pics of my baby DS, but I don't mind a few photos shared between friends and relatives.

Redglitter as an aside - how do you have settings that mean you can't be searched on FB? I would like this but can't work out how to do it.

magpie I'd need to look. It took ages to figure out. I did it when I was having problems with my ex OW contacting me via fb. I'll let you know though

YANBU! I would never post a photo of someone else's child on Social Media without asking them first. Having said that, did you explain your stance to your family as they were snapping away? Most Grandparents love to show off so perhaps giving them the heads up might have been an idea?

YANBU. It amazes me how blase people are about putting their pictures and details online. Although I work in social media so I read about it all day - what we don't know about the impact it will have is quite scary.

You are totally right that we have no idea how our online actions today will impact our future selves. Would anyone have foreseen that the facial recognition software developed by Facebook would be better than that of the CIA's, for example? How will this develop?

Best to err on the side of caution. People are deluded if they think simply making their photos private is going to do anything, who knows what Facebook will do in the future.

Thanks! I have lots of estranged family and would like to not be searchable but I don't know how! As it is, only my profile pic comes up but still.

It's way, way more hassle to ask people to share photos with strict privacy settings. People can't generally be bothered to set the privacy for each photo, they just stick it up on the wall for all their 500 or whatever friends to see (and share, if they want). Also, FB are always changing their default settings so you have to keep on top of that. Far easier just to say a blanket 'no', IMO, and share photos by email or text (or in person) instead.

Im the same OP. I volunteer with vulnerable children and i'd hate families to be able to make the link to my dc. Their privacy is important

Magpie, do you know about the privacy settings of all your friends and family though? If the pic of your DC comes up on their feed can their friends see it? Can they save it? Can their friends friends do the same?

Also, sadly, it's not just naked/bath type pics that paedophiles are interested in. A child protection officer told me you get paedophiles storing (alongside the hideous graphic and indecent pics) maybe 200 pics of 1-3yr olds with blonde bunches or of young boys with floppy blonde hair or young girls with braces etc. They find lots of swimming pool and beach pictures that the overwhelming majority of people would look at as innocent. It was quite an eye opener, especially thinking these despicable people can just lift what they're looking for from thousands of FB pages.

I haven't read the whole thread but am still going to comment.

I love facebook as its a great way to keep in touch with distant family but I've made it very clear that I don't want pictures of my baby DS posted. So far everyone has respected this and when the odd one has gone up accidentally I've had no bother asking the person to take it down. I think you absolutely should ask the parents first before posting pictures of children on the internet. Its not just that you don't know who is looking (and how high other peoples privacy settings are) there are copyright issues around the images. Basically, if you post it, facebook owns it. I read about this on the government CEOP website.