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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My family have posted photos of my baby all over Facebook without permission... AIBU to ask them to take them off?

164 replies

Dot33 · 22/02/2016 14:48

My daughter is 3 months old and we've decided not to post any photo's of her on Facebook publicly. She can make her own mind up when she's older. I went home this weekend to see my Mum and my Auntie and cousins who have children and regularly put up photos. Today they've posted loads of photos of my baby over Facebook. I'm really angry and I know that they just don't get it! Imagine applying for a job (as she will in years to come) and your potential employer can google photos of you growing up. At least we had the power of choice when we decided as adults to join FB. I still don't think we know the power of the internet fully. Sorry I'm ranting but AIBU? Am I thinking way too much about this? (I'm quite sleep deprived so apologies if I'm not coming across clearly, and for any bad grammar/spelling! Also this is my first ever post so please be gentle)

OP posts:
Drew64 · 22/02/2016 15:17

Whilst I sympathise that they have gone against your wishes I think you need to 'get real'
It's the 21st century and most young people live their lives online, wether we like it or not.
Give it 15 years and the pictures that your daughter posts online will be far more embarrassing than cute baby photos, trust me.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/02/2016 15:17

Grunttofuck Grin

pinklaydee · 22/02/2016 15:18

You're not BU, it's completely up to you if pics of your child are on social media or not - even if they don't agree.

SoupDragon · 22/02/2016 15:18

no I didn't tell them not to post any pics

They aren't psychic. At least I assume they aren't :)

Also, it's not "pictures of other people's children" really as your DD is family. It's not like posting a photo of some completely unrelated child.

ProfGrammaticus · 22/02/2016 15:19

You sort of thought it was obvious. Why? Are they mind readers? Talk to them!

Owllady · 22/02/2016 15:19

Soupdragon is spot on :o

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 22/02/2016 15:22

I don't post pics of my DD publically on FB, only in a private, secret group. I've twice had to v gently remind family members, and no one has been offended or upset. Your choice, as long as you're not a dick about it.

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2016 15:22

As you are on FB I probably wouldn't have asked you if you minded if I put DGC photos on there.

However, my son and d-i-l aren't on FB and don't want their photos or their DC photos on there. They've asked me not to and I have respected that.

You need to say.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/02/2016 15:22

Lots of people don't realise it's a "thing" to be concerned about. Genuinely. In my experience most people are perfectly happy to remove photos if you explain you are not comfortable with it.

If they don't regardless of their personal opinion on your stand then you are completely within your rights to report the pics and refuse to allow your child to have their photo taken by relatives in the future.

Talcott2007 · 22/02/2016 15:22

She's your daughter and if you don't want images of her posted on social media for whatever reason than I agree that you're choice and your family friends should respect that.
Just to be clear have you actually said anything to DM/DA/DCousins about not wanting photos of DD online (prior to these photos being posted)? They may not know that you feel strongly about it and taken it for granted that it's not an issue.
DSIL is very happy for us to take photos of her DS for 'family use' but asked that we didn't post anything to FB etc when he was born much for the same reasons that you have said in your post we are of course happy to follow her wishes - which is sometimes actually really hard as our nephew is absolutely gorgeous and the most photogenic child I have ever seen! (Still trying to convince her to look into child modeling - I'm really not biased either - He is just so handsome!) When our DD is born (June 2016) we will make a decision about photos on social media and would expect our friends and family to respect whatever our decision is in the same way.

TheMrsD · 22/02/2016 15:24

So many people put pictures on fb to seek approval and opinions of others. I wouldn't want people commenting on pictures of my baby. But then I also think fb is a farce- it's fake and annoying. Yanbu in my opinion.

PersephonePitstop · 22/02/2016 15:24

I quite agree, OP. There's a serious chance that your daughter's prospective emplyers will find out that she used to be a baby and that's an unacceptable risk for your relatives to have taken. Grin I needed cheering up - thanks!

YABU OP whilst you are entitled to hold odd opinions, you need to discuss them with with your family.

OttiliaVonBCup · 22/02/2016 15:26

Is she looking for a job then?

Baby photos will be the least of her worries when she does.
Next time you don't want someone to do something just tell them, don't assume they are able to read your mind.

maybemyrtle · 22/02/2016 15:26

YANBU for not wanting pics of your DD on Facebook, for whatever reason

YABU for being annoyed with them for doing so, when you didn't tell them this

JessieMcJessie · 22/02/2016 15:26

I'm not clear why childhood or baby photos would negatively influence a future employer or be in any way embarrassing to your DD?

As others have said, it's the stupid immature teen and student photos that she posts herself that could bite her on the bum. But who knows what teens will be doing by the time she is one?

Mia1415 · 22/02/2016 15:27

Why would it be obvious to them?

I'm sorry but you are sounding really unreasonable and paranoid!

If the fact that people post pictures of their children on the internet is going to be a detriment to their future job prospects then a massive % of the population is going to be in serious trouble!

If you really don't want pictures posted on the internet you need to make it very clear whenever anyone takes a picture that they are not to post it on line. But be prepared for people to find it strange.

lazyarse123 · 22/02/2016 15:28

yanbu why can't people live their own lives instead of constantly on facebook (mn doesn't count obviously).

Talcott2007 · 22/02/2016 15:28

X-Post! - Sorry but If you haven't made it clear beforehand how you felt Re. Photos on FB then you can't be mad at them! All you can do is speak to them now about it and ask that they take down the photos and not post anymore - keep it friendly I'm sure they will be understanding!

bigredballoon · 22/02/2016 15:28

They probably didn't realise you would be unhappy about it so just politely tell them so and ask them to remove them. YANBU.

Just because other people think the world revolves around FB and it's what everyone does in the 21st Century doesn't mean you have to.

I was working for a major telecommunications company when the internet was launched, I have worked with it and social media since year dot, I work with it every single day, but I don't bloody do FB.

I hate FB, I can't stand the boasting, being tagged in pictures I didn't ask to be, seeing friends of friends status', other people making my business public, having an image come up on Google when I do a search on my name, no, no no!

steelbutterfly · 22/02/2016 15:29

I don't think YABU, I didn't want pics of my wedding, DCs etc up on FB either (left years ago).
However, you are fighting a losing battle matey! Well-meaning family and friends will still keep doing it so just try to let it go.
My sister announced my labour on fb before I had a chance to phone DH Confused

mouldycheesefan · 22/02/2016 15:29

You didn't tell them.
Their mind reading powers must not be working.

Do ypu really think Facebook will still exist in 20 years when your dd is looking for a job?
Or that employers have time to look through everyone on Facebook with the same name to try to establish which is their prospective employee and then go back throuGh 20 years of fab posts to their childhood?

witsender · 22/02/2016 15:30

If you haven't told them, then they're not being unreasonable! Neither are you to not want them in there, just a polite request should be fine

Original poster
Dot33 · 22/02/2016 15:30

Thanks NeophyteStarfish that's exactly what I'll do, I'll ask that they use messages instead. I'll tell them as gently as possible!

Seems I might be a bit unreasonable as I didn't request they don't post photo's before hand... I guess I'd just never do it myself without asking first.

OP posts:
MadameDePompom · 22/02/2016 15:32

Communication is always handy I find! So tell them you'd rather they didn't post any photos of your baby and let that be an end do it.

I do think you sounds a bit bonkers though.

LovelyFriend · 22/02/2016 15:32

You are making some massive leaps/assumptions here OP:

Thinking that because you don't put pictures of your DD on FB the rest of the world will know not to do this;
Thinking in the future people will know your DD's Grandmothers name and be able to search for baby photos of their prospective employee on her FB account. I'm assuming Granny hasn't actually opened a named FB account for your baby to tag her?

perhaps just ask Grandma to check her FB privacy settings and restrict photos of your child to her Friends only.