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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at friend - Chicken pox related...

113 replies

backonthebikeagain · 20/02/2016 10:38

So, my friends ds woke up with chicken pox on Tuesday. That evening she took him to a bowling party and then Pizza Hut.

She has a close family member, a 4 yo, who has leukaemia and knows how dangerous chicken pox can be to him. (let along to pg women who havent had it)

She sent me some photos on Thursday of his spots and I haven't responded.

AIBU to think that if your child has cp you dont take them to public places like this? I am so tempted to say something but wonder if Im over reacting due to the child we know. Plus, what would saying something now achieve!

OP posts:

Fugghetaboutit · 20/02/2016 10:39

She's a twat

DiscoGlitter · 20/02/2016 10:46

What Fugg said. Although some people are absolute idiots when it comes to chicken pox. I have a normally completely sane friend, but thinks nothing of holding a "chicken pox party".
I mean, WTF?! Why anyone would willingly want to expose their children to illness is beyond me.

Original poster

backonthebikeagain · 20/02/2016 10:49

Thanks both, glad its not just me who thinks this. I am so bloody cross. She of all people knows how dangerous it can be. Ive seen photos of the evening and pizza hut was packed :(

Im ignoring her messages atm because I think I will explode if I respond.

OP posts:

Katenka · 20/02/2016 10:51

That's awful. When dd had chicken pox he was really poorly and has no other health problems.

I can't believe she would expose other children and people to it. Yanbu.

NoonAim · 20/02/2016 10:56

You are definitely not over reacting and it's not too late to educate her.

Having had a child with leukaemia, I would have been devastated if a family member had risked her life like this.

Original poster

backonthebikeagain · 20/02/2016 10:57

Do I say something or let it go?

OP posts:

LucyLocketLostHerPocket · 20/02/2016 11:02

When my DC had CP a few years we were told that by the time the spots are visible they've been contagious for some time already and no point staying in until they healed. Maybe your friend has been told similar.

MissClarke86 · 20/02/2016 11:09

They're not contagious once the spots are out.

MrsH1989 · 20/02/2016 11:11

She may be thinking "what is the point?" as it is more contagious before the spots break out.

GabiSolis · 20/02/2016 11:11

YANBU. Not sure if you can achieve anything from saying something to her though. That said, I probably would make a comment because I'm a bit gobby like that and if she loses her shit I'm not sure I would consider her a great loss tbh.

KP86 · 20/02/2016 11:11

They are contagious until the spots have scabbed over and are no longer weepy.

GabiSolis · 20/02/2016 11:12

MissClarke86 - that is not true. It's after the spots have crusted over that it's not contagious. That can be several days after the rash comes out.

vvviola · 20/02/2016 11:12

Yes, they absolutely are MissClarke. In fact more so, because now there are two ways of being contagious - through droplets from coughing etc (as before spots came out) and from the fluid from the blisters.

I do wonder who is telling people they can go out with CP. Surely not medical professionals. At least not anywhere I've lived (CP or possible CP in 3 different countries, all medical professionals I was in contact with said stay home until spots crusted over)

LucyLocketLostHerPocket · 20/02/2016 11:13

So you stay away from people you know have health issues once you know but generally the child will have been in close contact with anyone before the spots arrived so no point in getting too worked up surely.

lorelei9 · 20/02/2016 11:14

Say something! She might be one of these idiots who "didn't think" as opposed to consciously not caring.

LucyLocketLostHerPocket · 20/02/2016 11:14

Though obviously if the child's unwell with it they should be at home any way same as with any other illness.

glamorousgrandmother · 20/02/2016 11:16

People used to hold chicken pox parties to expose young children to the virus early when there were less likely to be complications. Is this no longer a thing? As a teacher, we were not allowed to have children back at school until the spots had scabbed over although it is true that the infection can be spread before the spots appear.

Pseudo341 · 20/02/2016 11:16

Frankly I'm furious with the number of doctors who seem to be blaze about CP. I was exposed in early second trimester of pregnancy having never knowingly had it. The parents (close relatives) didn't bother letting me know because their doctor said they didn't need to worry about informing people. We nearly had to cancel our holiday trying to get a blood test. Turns out I'd had a silent infection at some point and was immune.

CalicoBlue · 20/02/2016 11:17

It is contagious from a few days before the spots show till they have all scabbed over. The most likely time for it to be caught is before the child is showing signs of being unwell or any spots showing, as they will be out and about as normal then anyway.

I am not sure about keeping them in if they are feeling well. When DD had it she only had three spots on her bum. She felt well and they scabbed in a day or two. I carried on as normal.

Though my kids are older and when they were little there was not the same concern about these illnesses. We would bring kids to play with each other hoping that they would get the illness and build up their immune system.

Pseudo341 · 20/02/2016 11:17

YANBU. I'd say something.

Fugghetaboutit · 20/02/2016 11:17

I would probably write something PA like 'well hopefully there was no one pregnant or immune compromised' but I'm a mardy cah

Berthatydfil · 20/02/2016 11:19

I think she is stupid and irresponsible.
It's one thing to unknowingly go out and about in public places with child that been exposed and is incubating it but has no spots, but it's quite another to do it knowingly with a child that is showing symptoms. Apart from the fact the gold themselves may be feeling unwell, to expose another child with s compromised immune system - that's unforgivable.

vvviola · 20/02/2016 11:19

Yes, but Lucy, how would you know if people had health issues? I mean if you were visiting someone who was newly pregnant but hadn't told anyone, if the person sitting next to you on the bus had had chemo the day before.

It's not a common cold, it can be potentially a serious disease. The public health information says to stay home until spots have crusted over. They don't suggest that sort of thing for fun.

Yes, sometimes you have to go out (school run, emergency) and it's no fun to be stuck at home. But you suck it up and you do it for the time necessary. It's (usually!) a max of a week per child in a lifetime. Surely people can manage that?

Berthatydfil · 20/02/2016 11:19

Gold - child

Pseudo341 · 20/02/2016 11:20

CalicoBlue the fact that she only had three spots on her bum and was feeling well has nothing to do with it. If a child has an illness that's known to be potentially very dangerous for other people you keep them home FFS! It's nothing to do with how your kid is feeling and everything to do with the fact that you could kill someone elses!.

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