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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at friend - Chicken pox related...

113 replies

backonthebikeagain · 20/02/2016 10:38

So, my friends ds woke up with chicken pox on Tuesday. That evening she took him to a bowling party and then Pizza Hut.

She has a close family member, a 4 yo, who has leukaemia and knows how dangerous chicken pox can be to him. (let along to pg women who havent had it)

She sent me some photos on Thursday of his spots and I haven't responded.

AIBU to think that if your child has cp you dont take them to public places like this? I am so tempted to say something but wonder if Im over reacting due to the child we know. Plus, what would saying something now achieve!

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/02/2016 23:03

She's not a twat, Fug. The poor women has a DC with Leukaemia. Its hard to imagine how hard it must be for her.
Children arent sick with chicken pox, are they. Could it be that she doesn't know the dangers to those around him.
Plus this will sound awful but it's a fact. You can't be of the mind of. What about pregnant women. There could be someone standing next to you. That doesn't even know they're pregnant. Or you may not know that you or your DC's are Infectious with something.

Wolfiefan · 20/02/2016 23:09

If you don't know your child has CP what can you do?
Once you do know you are indeed a twat of the highest order to expose others to this illness.
DS was immunocompromised as a toddler. CP could have killed him. And yes he did catch it. And yes I was terrified.

WonderingAspie · 20/02/2016 23:11

Fucking selfish twat.

I hate it when parents think their right to carry on as normal trumps the health of everyone else. There are a few on this thread. You are selfish. Some things are unavoidable, school runs. Shopping isn't. Get it delivered.

A friend of mine had a child with CP, neither of mine have had it. She was visiting with her sick child. I declined to go and see her. She was quite put out by it. Didn't stop her holiday of going to pizza hut (but it's ok because she sat in the corner ), the park and everywhere else. So selfish even when I pointed out the dangers. All,of my friends didn't really speak to me much then, I was the only one who declined all the days out with them due to the CP. Then she had a holiday booked when her next one came down with it. She still went. To fucking Euro Disney of all places. You have to hope there wasn't an immune compromised child there then. Her reasoning was she didn't want her holiday ruined and she doesn't like being stuck at home.

One of the mums at school thinks it is no big deal and freely admits she still takes her children everywhere because it "doesn't matter".

People need educating better.

Yes it is contagious before the spots come out, it is also contagious until ALL the spots have scabbed over. No it's not some mild childhood illness, it can be fatal or lead to serious complications.

HRHsherlockssextoy · 20/02/2016 23:13

A friend on Facebook's little one has cp at the moment. A friend of hers posted that she was desperate that her son has cp as he's 4.

It's insane to want your child to have cp. It can be serious.

WonderingAspie · 20/02/2016 23:14

liveinalighthouse, the woman's dc doesn't have leukemia, it is a friends son. She purposely took her infected child to party where there is a child with leukemia ffs. And yes you can get very sick with CP. Maybe you need to read up on it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/02/2016 23:20

Sorry got the wrong end of the stick.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 20/02/2016 23:29

She's been VU.

My DS came out with spots a fortnight ago on Monday. Except for having to take him on the morning school run (where it's fairly easy to stand apart from people) he didn't leave the house for a week. My Dad came to look after him for the pm school runs (because you can't avoid the large groups outside the classrooms & 2 mums have very little ones). He wasn't too poorly with it so we did stop in the park a couple of times on the way home but there were no other children there. I also made sure to tell DDs best friends mum that he had come out in spots as she'd been to tea on the Friday night. I told FILs partner too as she'd looked after them on the Saturday as her daughter is currently undergoing cancer treatment. It's common sense to minimise exposure to others once you know they have it! Particularly because it's not easy to know who's vulnerable.

I'm now playing the waiting game of which of the other 3 will get it next & when.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/02/2016 23:35

It's a bit like the difference between having unprotected sex with someone when as far as you are concerned you are healthy and not infected with any serious STI's because you have no signs or symptoms of anything at all and having unprotected sex when you know for a fact you have syphilis.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 20/02/2016 23:40

Oh & i'm not immune to cp. So I'm sure I'll get it again too .

Proginoskes · 21/02/2016 00:14

Who is it that's having the chickenpox party again? From someone with multiple visible DEEP facial scars from the chickenpox I got when my idiot aunt and grandmother decided that it would be a GREAT idea for my pox-infested cousin to sleep over, YWBVVVU to have or go to a pox party. You have NO IDEA if a particular child will get a light, heavy or life-threatening case. I wish I'd had the chance to have been vaccinated, maybe then I wouldn't have been known as "crater face" before I was even old enough for acne.

TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 21/02/2016 10:09

YADNBU! How selfish of her. Especially given that she knew an immune-compromised child would be there! I'd be fuming.

VickyRsuperstar · 21/02/2016 10:38

Totally irresponsible. I had to cancel our holiday in 2008 after a couple of my children caught chicken pox. The spots would not have been scabbed over in time for the flight and it wasn't fair to subject anyone else to the virus unwittingly - especially not for the duration of an airplane flight. We lost a lot of money over it after the insurance company charged an admin fee of £60 per person meaning we lost the entire cost of the flights for everyone and we were a family of 8! I just know we did the right thing though and I kept the children at home for the entire duration of the illness.

Roll on to 2014 when my daughter was due. In the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy, my 5 year old caught chicken pox and then it was a waiting game to see when my youngest boy caught it. The hospital was very worried and told me that if there was active chicken pox in our house, then I would have to stay in hospital with my newborn baby until the children were no longer infectious and it was safe to go home. I had no idea before that quite how dangerous chicken pox is to a newborn baby. The incubation time varied, but I was very lucky that my son broke out in spots quickly not long after my daughter and they were scabbed over and safe just a few days before I gave birth to my daughter early.
Having been through all the stress of worrying about my newborn baby arriving at the wrong time, I did really wish that my children had either had chicken pox or the vaccine earlier. I'm not sure that chicken pox parties are a bad thing when it's best to get the illness over and done with in childhood. My husband had the illness when he was 24 and adults often get it worse than children, my hubby was very ill and wished he'd had it as a child instead. It's one thing deliberately exposing your children to the virus to make sure they get through it at a young age (although I'm not sure I would do it) than to be selfishly walking round with an infectious child exposing other people unwittingly, some of which who may not be well enough to handle it.
I think I will get my little daughter vaccinated when she is old enough if she doesn't catch it naturally when she's at school.

DiscoGlitter · 21/02/2016 11:44

They're not contagious once the spots are out.

YES, they are! This kind of misinformation is dangerous, especially on a public forum so hope nobody's taking your post seriously!

GreatFuckability · 21/02/2016 13:34

Aspie I live semi-rurally, at the time my children had pox nowhere delivered food to my area, I had 6 weeks of at least one child who was poxy, how do you suggest I fed them? No family local, no partner. No noone. It was me and them.

Liska · 21/02/2016 14:07

I had chemotherapy when my dd was 4. Some mums at school didn't realise. Other mothers being casual about my healthy 4 year old catching cp and getting it over and done with could have left her without a mother. She's an ignorant twat and she needs telling.

Liska · 21/02/2016 14:09

Oh, and I should add that I had it at 14. It was bloody awful and it's definitely better to have it early. But it should be my choice when it's the right time to expose my child, not yours.

tealoveryum · 21/02/2016 14:22

She is very unreasonable and selfish, because she has paid she feels that it is perfectly ok. I really hope no one there was pregnant, or vulnerable and feel very sorry for the already poorly little boy with leukaemia.

funkky · 21/02/2016 16:30

My DS had it a couple of weeks ago. I definitely kept him home for over a week till it scabbed over but cause I was trying to get PG at the time, I asked at the pharmacy if there was anything I could do to prevent me getting it and the pharmacist said to me oh once the spots are out, he's non-contagious.

I googled this and obviously realised the spots have to scab over before they are not contagious but I would definitely say something casually to your friend (just in case she was misinformed) and her reaction would determine the next response.

Soozle50 · 21/02/2016 16:42

I have a child on immunosuppressants and at school they emailed parents asking to be informed immediately if any child developed chicken pox so he could be checked by docs. So find this very dangerous seeing as she knows relatives child's health is compromised! However, I myself had chicken pox at age 31 caught from my dd age 1 and was seriously ill with secondary infection in my lungs ending up in hospital. So was v relieved when all four of my children had this at a young age!

Proginoskes · 21/02/2016 17:48

I'm in the US, so since 1995 we've been using the chickenpox vaccine and barring certain circumstances DC pretty much have to have had at least one dose (for under-threes), and two for 4-6yo entering school. The CDC fact sheet on varicella vaccination has a lot more information.

Does the NHS not offer, or does it discourage varicella vaccination? That to me seems a very irresponsible stance.

soapboxqueen · 21/02/2016 17:54

Proginoskes the vaccine is available privately. It isn't in the NHS vaccine schedule for children. AFAIK when the NHS were considering adding it, vaccine up take was so low due to the mmr nonsense and people worrying that children are getting too many vaccines, they decided to delay adding it to the schedule incase it deterred more parents from vaccinating their children.

soundsystem · 21/02/2016 17:58

My DD has just had chicken pox, and we were advised by the GP (over the phone) to keep her away from people for 5 days after the spots stopped weeping.

It does seem to be a fairly common misconception that once the spots are out here no longer contagious, I wonder where that's come from?

UmbongoUnchained · 21/02/2016 18:07

I had a woman show up to baby group one day and at the very end she announced that by the way, all her kids looked like they probably had chicken pox so don't be surprised if all our kids get it. I was fuming as my little one had just recovered from meningitis and had a very low immune system. It was so thoughtless of her.

lunar1 · 21/02/2016 18:13

Well done for saying something, so many people stay quiet. I fell out will a very old friend because she took her toddler to a breast feeding group. Covered his chicken pox and didn't say anything. She was a peer supporter.

Someone posted pics on FB from the session, I commented 'was this today, I thought your ds had chicken pox'. All hell broke lose and after that she's not spoken to me in 4 years!

shinynewusername · 21/02/2016 19:24

YANBU though - just to put your mind at rest - the child who has leukaemia should have been immunised against chickenpox before starting chemotherapy so hopefully your friend's selfishness won't have put him at risk. Totally agree about your main point though.

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