Vow Renewal Invitation

[ILoveACornishPasty]

I am completely prepared to be told I'm a tightwad so don't feel the need to hold back!

I've got back from work today to find an elaborate invitation to a vow renewal for our two friends who are back together and renewing their marriage vows after adultery on both sides. They were married five years ago and we attended the wedding and gave a generous gift. Today's invitation comes with a gift list, and the cheapest item on it is £75. I am not a fan of lists like this anyway (separate thread!) but really want to write a note referring them back to their previous gift, the one we have them when they promised not to commit adultery but before they both, er, committed adultery. I can't actually explain why I have found it so irritating....and maybe I am an awful person, but I just feel that it's a bit of a cheek. Any thoughts??

I honestly don't know....but it can't be said that we haven't tried to raise it so I guess it's up to them now. If I'm asked for an opinion though....

Yes, don't hold back! What are you going to take for a gift?

Well I'm quite a keen photographer and although I'm not brilliant I've got loads better and I have a couple of really beautiful shots of them from recently so I think I'm going to put one onto canvas for them. Not on the list but I'm hoping it will be such a personal gift and be obvious that time and thought has gone into it that they/she won't think to be offended by the lack of Debenhams cookware

I'd tell them to fuck off, but apparently they have both already done that
It's extremely bad manners to send a gift list with an invitation. To do it twice is greedy beyond words.
To my mind it illustrates what sort of people they are, which explains why they are apparently unable to live with each other for very long.

I've got loads better and I have a couple of really beautiful shots of them from recently
Hopefully the photos are of them together , not leaving hotel rooms with someone else!

Dp and I aren't even married yet but we have both been married before, both have kids and have blended two houses so already have two of everything.

We are planning to get married at some point in the next year or so and genuinely don't want or need anything. How do we deal with this? Genuine question as we have lovely families and friends who will bloody insist on gifting something. We already have 7 bottles of champagne in a cupboard and I have visions of being able to open a cookware shop or an Off license!

Sorry to hijack the thread. I can't imagine being so grabby as this couple.

A wedding list for a vow renewal? After five years?

How can she do this without dying of embarrassment?

I know MissBattleaxe, shameful really!

coffeeisnectar
Difficult one isn't it. DP and I have a fully stocked house and don't need presents. We'd prefer a very quiet wedding and no presents, but we don't want to offend anyone - especially the lovely mutual friends who brought us together. I really want to be giving them presents.

That sounds lovely Ilove, but I would not go to the effort.

coffee and Sally- your attitudes is reflreshing. Why not state specifically what gift you want thus: If you would like to give a gift, please email us your favourite photo of our day, and that will be your gift to us.

coffee I know of a couple who said, if asked, that there was no need for gifts but if anyone wanted to donate to a particular charity that would be very welcome.

We are sort of planning a vow renewal for our 30th wedding anniversary next year. I say sort of because it does sound a bit cringy but I would like to do it because I think I could make the vows now and understand what I was promising. 30 years ago, young and infatuated I didn't have a clue what 'for better or for worse' meant. If I said it now with 30 years of ups and downs (although no adultery that I know of) behind us the vows would feel much more meaningful.

At no point in our sort-of-planning has it ever occurred to us that we would get or ask for gifts. That is cheeky shading into grabby insanity.

coffee - what I've done when having a party for a big birthday is said all the stuff about only wanting them to share the day and not wanting any presents, but then I've said 'If there are still those who don't feel right coming without any sort of a present, then just put some money in an envelope and I will send it all to... {insert the charity I'm supporting at that time}. - would that appeal ?

Backforgood we did exactly this! We chose a charity each (we can't resist a competition) and asked for donations if people felt they didn't want to come empty handed. Our wonderful guests raised £3k for SANDS and Help for Heroes and we all got royally shitfaced. Perfect.

Thanks for the advice folks. A donation to HfH sounds like a great idea.

Coffee I used my 40th as an excuse to do a big cycling event (I really can't say what, or I'll out myself) and asked for sponsorship instead of gifts. It was brilliant my party alone raised £900. Why don't you and DH2B do something like that?