Vow Renewal Invitation

[ILoveACornishPasty]

I am completely prepared to be told I'm a tightwad so don't feel the need to hold back!

I've got back from work today to find an elaborate invitation to a vow renewal for our two friends who are back together and renewing their marriage vows after adultery on both sides. They were married five years ago and we attended the wedding and gave a generous gift. Today's invitation comes with a gift list, and the cheapest item on it is £75. I am not a fan of lists like this anyway (separate thread!) but really want to write a note referring them back to their previous gift, the one we have them when they promised not to commit adultery but before they both, er, committed adultery. I can't actually explain why I have found it so irritating....and maybe I am an awful person, but I just feel that it's a bit of a cheek. Any thoughts??

Maybe they do want to split but have realised that means they need 2 of everything?

I'm not a fan of vow renewal either. (Or, 'vowel' renewal as one autocorrect put it on a PP)

I always thought it was for people who had gone to the brink of divorce but pulled back just in time. I didn't realise it had been, 'bastardised' to get out of an awkward, marriage threatening situation i.e. adultery.

My mum's response, when a friend of hers renewed her vows, was to mime sticking her fingers down her throat ! Most unusual for her to do that. It wasn't made clear why they were renewing their vows. No body asked why.

Someone else who got married just got humoured by the guests attending, who weren't asked for presents but a donation to a goodwill project, should they wish to.

I just cringed through the whole thing keeping my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. Not least listening to them say their own written-by-themselves vows in a great big barn of a little used/deconsecrated church. Was the person that re-married them their marriage guidance counsellor ? If so they had no jurisdiction. The marriage register does not get signed again. So good job it was all a bit of pointless fakery, really.

As my husband pointed out, they (or anyone) is no more married than they were first time round.

The cheeky fuckers of the OP won't need to get double divorced when their marriage ends just because they renewed their vows.

The suggestion to donate to Relate really made me smile.

I understand people renewing their vows so they can have a proper party etc this time round if their wedding day either didn't go as planned was just plain disastrous.

However using it to cover up problems is public papering over of cracks.

(I would love to go to Las Vegas to renew our wedding vows for our silver wedding anniversary but I cba doing all the organising.)

Op out if interest what wss their wedding like first time around?

No way would I be into bringing a money gift, they're grabby. A nice card plus flowers and champagne maybe. You sound very judgmental about the adultery aspect though and I don't see what adultery has to do with the gift thing at all. Unless its linked in with your disapproval in which case, doesn't make sense even bothering to go if it offends you

First wedding was a pretty big, military wedding and we had a right old knees up in a posh venue etc. etc. This one looks to be pretty similar to be honest. I feel a bit like it's an entrance fee to a party?? My husband is going for a pint with the husband tomorrow night, he says he will raise it then. I suggested that as he is going to their house first he could just nick back our first gift and I'll repackage it....

As for the adultery comment, I AM judgy with that and I'm not sorry I'm afraid. You make promises, you keep promises. In this case, for me it compounds the issue. If the wedding renewal were after 25 years of successful and loving marriage then I'd not begrudge a gift. This wedding vow renewal is because they both broke the vows the first time round.

It's not normal to ask for demand gifts at a renewal. Very tacky.

As for the adultery comment, I AM judgy with that and I'm not sorry I'm afraid. You make promises, you keep promises

Go along to the ceremony and, when the minister or whatever gets to the "forsaking all others" bit, burst out laughing. Then stand up, still laughing, and walk out, making a show of taking your present away with you.

Charity shop mismatched plates. For throwing.

If this was first time around
To Debenhams I'd abound
But you've both fucked about
And so you get nowt

Grabby fuckers. And so tacky. I would be quietly retreating from that friendship I think!

Weasley

Anyone having a celebration for any reason is IMO being grabby if they expect presents. Social etiquette would expect a gift on some occasions, but this isn't one of them. I can't believe anyone would be so grabby to expect a gift on their post (joint) adulyery celebrations .,there's a card for most things.. Is there one for "happy you've stopped fucking other people & remembered your original wedding vows. enjoy your day"

Cheeky fuckers! How long before these newly renewed vows are broken, I wonder? And then renewed again. With more presents! They could keep this cheeky fuckery up for years!

'Tis lovely you've got back together
After sailing stormy seas and weather
But no fitting gift can yet be found
For those that choose to shag around

So wear your second time frock that's white
But don't please quote this gift list shite
If my children are good they get rewarded with stickers..
Would you like some too if you keep on your knickers?

Thankyou, thankyou

I always imagine renewal ceremonies being like Pete and Dawn's was in Gavin and Stacey, complete with pop lyric vows It'll be on YouTube. Series three episode four I think.

I find vow-renewals a bit cringy in any case, but this is in a different stratosphere. Hilarious!

I can't believe the cheek of having another gift list! Absolutely disgraceful.

It's a joke, I wouldent even go, let alone give a present. They had a present the first time! What, are they going to renew their vows every time they break up and get back together . People will get bored. Grabby is what it is!

I think the idea of a vow renewal is lovely, if you want to celebrate a long marriage. I'd do it as an excuse for a party, to be honest! But it's not supposed to be a wedding do-over.

I would never ask for gifts though. That is beyond crass. You have to wonder what sort of people would think that would be appropriate, particularly in this situation. I would reconsider the friendship tbh (but I am a judgy cow). I certainly wouldn't buy them a gift. Maybe condoms and a bottle of wine, with a "Congratulations for Stopping Fucking Around" card. Not sure if Hallmark do those.

We went to a vow renewal last year, but it was 20 years after a very basic registry office 'shotgun' wedding. The DH had promised DW that 'one day we will do it properly' and it was a full on white dress/morning suit church affair. Their son was best man, daughter was a bridesmaid and best friend gave the bride away.

The guests weren't asked for presents, but their best friends contacted everyone going and asked if we would contribute to a surprise 'honeymoon' leaving the day after the ceremony. It was a lovely thing to do for them and they were both really tearful when they were presented it.

THAT is how you do a renewal. Not like OPs grabby friends.

Ah Joyce, that were lovely!! There's a tear in my eye. You could write for Hallmark

That must be the definition of grabby!

When I married for the 2nd time (first husband cheated), I felt really bad that my friends & rellies were wanting to buy presents again.

"'Tis lessons in fidelity you need
Not presents to gratify your greed"

Exactly, if it were for their 25 anniversary or if one of them was terminally ill, but not as an excuse for being grabby and having more oresents. They want to renew their vows, fine, have a small understated affair with just your immediate family.

Scouse exactly what I was thinking. "....I'm sure they'd think again, if they had a friend like Pete."