Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to thibk there's a lot of mansplaining going on at the moment?

556 replies

StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2016 09:58

On mn I mean. Just something I seem to be spotting more and more.
happy to be told I'm wrong in words of one syllable

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 19/02/2016 15:33

Or:

Man: There isn't really an issue
Woman: I think

MistressDeeCee · 19/02/2016 15:50

YANBU OP. Im sick to death of seeing it & if I said what I really wanted to say in response to the bullshit that goes on, Id be banned

Men on the Relationship Board where women are sharing info, or asking for advice on a situation thats upsetting them, then some fucking bloke lands with the analysing, and his opinion "from a bloke's point of view". Just fuck off with all that - the whole "Im a bloke" audience gathering announcement. Then proceeds to tell OP in no uncertain terms what men like, what they want, from a man's point of view...basically amounting to "so what its happened "shrug" thats what men are like, get over it & anyway you did x y z wrong if you had done a b c that wouldn't have happened blah blah victim blaming

I know men can't be banned from boards & I don't think they should be - but whilst its good they're challenged on their view when its all gone a bit too far, somehow it disappoints me that they are getting so much attention in a way

Choice remark I saw yesterday "keep the stomach full and the balls empty"

Great. As nasty as that sounds, in context was even worse. Basically digging into and picking apart an OPs situation (do people forget its a RL experience & people are allowed to feel upset without someone else deciding they shouldnt/cant be/how it SHOULD have affected them) to the point it became an uncomfortable, face-burning read

TheSparrowhawk spot on with that one

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 19/02/2016 15:51

My favourite mansplaining example happened when I met a friend's father.

FF: so what do you do, George?
MFCIG: [career I sweated blood to get into]
FF: Oh, you'll soon get tired of that. No, in a couple of years you will be [job you couldn't pay me to do]

That was just the start. He went on to explain exactly why I would change jobs and everything else that was not quite right in my life. This was the first time he had met me. Friend was white with horror.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/02/2016 15:59

My dad was an inveterate mansplainer - he mansplained psychology to me when I was doing my psych degree and biology to my sister when she was doing her biochem degree.

But the worst mansplainer was my male friend who tried to tell me no women ever have vaginal/labial tears during childbirth. He even - get this - tried to get his mother to tell me he was right. She was utterly mortified, poor woman.

On the plus side, my labial tear had a positive point - I was able to definitely tell him what a massive idiot he was!

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/02/2016 16:05

TheSparrow - LOVE your summary. Grin

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 19/02/2016 16:17

It's the not accepting a women's feelings that is so annoying. Recent conversation went like this female colleague, myself and male colleague

fc: I can't explain why he makes me so uncomfortable but he does
mc: well has he said something you should report it to hr
fc: no he hasn't
me: I find that his tone is condescending even when being supportive
mc: well what is it that he has exactly said
me: nothing it's the way it's said
mc: well it can't be that bad

And so the conversation went on. Would also like to point out the mc is a councellor Hmm

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/02/2016 16:30

Sparrow wtf... How HOW WHY WHAT?

Why don't labial tears happen? How about all the women who've had them? Why does he care either way?

TheSparrowhawk · 19/02/2016 16:33

All good questions darth, to which I do not have the answer.

Needless to say I am no longer friends with him.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/02/2016 16:47

Good call!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/02/2016 17:09

Then there's Relationships threads like this:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2574663-I-need-some-sincere-input?watched=1&msgid=59375802#59375802

MistressDeeCee · 19/02/2016 17:19

Knew I shouldn't have clicked on that thread....! If anything ever screamed "faux" . Honestly.

BigJockButMoreWeeThanBigBigJoc · 19/02/2016 17:37

So today.

I wish I could have videoed it, at one point I did look around for cameras.

So my name can be male or female in this country but in many of the countries I work with it is mainly a male name.

I've been consulted by one of our teams about an area that is my area of expertise. All communication has been via email until today.

The reason I was first consulted was that the team wanted a particular task to be done on a particular system.

I explained in email that the system wasn't set up that way, there was no way to amend it without costing millions if not billions, but if they did A, B & C they would get the result they needed.

All fine and dandy, everyone happy with this, we moved on.

It's now nearly 3 months later, the task has been done and the team are visiting my local office.

I get invited to a meeting partly to network, partly to deal with another issue that has occurred in the last few days.

I arrive with a male colleague who is (a in a totally different role to me and (b several points/steps junior to me. (and just for full disclosure, I'm also several years decades older)

So they know that (names have been changed to protect the innocent) Alex the expert and Sam the junior Admin are attending the meeting.

We arrive for the coffee and mingle, 2 of them approach Sam, saying 'Alex how lovely to finally meet you, come and meet the rest of the team.And start sweeping him away.

I hurmp loudly and say actually I'm Alex.

Genuine look of shock on at least 3 faces.

So we carry on and get to the work part of the meeting, they ask me about the new issue I explain why it is how it is and that to achieve what they want they need to do X,Y & Z.

I get bombarded with questions.
Why am I now saying do X, Y, Z when before I said do A,B,C.

Because they are 2 totally different situations and require different approaches.

I then get 15 minutes of been told that no actually they're the same and this is why......from a dickhead who 3 months ago didn't even know these systems existed. With Dickhead 2 & 3 chiming in and talking over me everytime I open my mouth.

Comparing the 2 tasks was as ridiculous as stating that because a steak and a blueberry are both edible they are completely the same thing (maybe not the best way to explain but I'm hungry)

Sam, God love him, sat like this Shock

I had a bit of the Divil in me to quote my Mum, so I open my laptop and say go ahead, here it is, you go for it.

Of course he couldn't, but he was sure it was possible, which I said yes it is possible to do so, however as I said we'd have to completely reconfigure the system and it would cost billions.

Ahh! says Dickhead, so I am right it can be done you said it couldn't...very proud of himself.

So I pull up the email where I state that while it is technically possible to reconfigure the system, to do the task, it would cost billions. And scroll down to show where he agreed with me and said 'well you're the expert, we'll go with what you say.'

So why was I the expert then and to be deferred to and now I'm not........

I wonder why???

It shut him up for then, but Sam told me later 3 of them cornered him and asked him to confirm if I was right, bear in mind at the start of the meeting when I was 'formally' introduced my qualifications and experience in the industry was stated and when Sam was introduced it was stated that this was his first job in the industry, and he'd only been in post a few months.

(And had only been invited to help carry my equipment, sort any catering issues and to let him see what happened at one of these meetings so when he was setting them up for others he'd know what was needed)

So between that and been called a fucking rape apologist on another thread I've had enough today.

Time for a big glass of whiskey, or as a woman am I not allowed such a manly drink? Will it be ok if I sip it rather than gulp and put an umbrella in it?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/02/2016 17:43

Crivens!!! Shock

AskingForAPal · 19/02/2016 17:46

You need a whole handbag full of whiskey after that, served by an army of bowtie-wearing kittens in sparkly top hats.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 19/02/2016 17:48

Just to add, the utter charmer who made the comment about 'empty balls/full stomach' (which he was quoting from a book!) was the same one who went on about being a 'nice guy' but found that didn't work out for him because women are 'batshit crazy'who like to be treated badly.

And I read through the thread about scented sanpro today where another occasional poster turned up to tell the women to 'get off their arses' and do something about it. There was also another aggressive post and he was called on them both but they're still there. And he has 'dad' in his name, so he didn't need to bother with 'I'm a man', just barged onto a thread about something that in no way affects him and sprayed all over the place.

But on the thread about 'fishy vaginas' there was that, quite creepy, post (which I think has already been referenced further back in this thread) by the guy who needed to tell us all that, actually, vaginas are all wonderful in look, smell and taste. Yeah, thanks you patronising creep, we know. And, of course, he prefaced it with 'I'm a man'.

AskingForAPal · 19/02/2016 17:50

"DON'T WORRY LADIES, YOUR VAGINAS HAVE LIVED UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS, EVERYONE RELAX"

amarmai · 19/02/2016 17:51

whites demand that blacks EDUCATE them when they are in the racism corner. Men in the sexism corner demand the same from women. The answer in both cases from me is 'it's your responsibility to educate yourself. The info is out there.'

Lweji · 19/02/2016 17:53

Big, I'm surprised you didn't walk out.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2016 18:06

Call me a cynic, but I think the username is a bit suspect Darth.

I never on Relationships, not having much useful advice to give, but if I did, I wouldn't answer that one.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2016 18:08

Sorry if that sounded mansplainy Grin God, it's catching, isn't it?

MistressDeeCee · 19/02/2016 18:14

Lilac why am I not surprised.

God save us all from self-declared nice guys Grin

Especially ones that intimate they're oh so knowledgeable and powerful in RL, with super-smart wives etc, yet they've a need to sit in a female oriented forum called MUMSnet and dictate to all us little women. I can imagine their pub convo with mates

"so, I was spending time on Mumsnet today you know, as you do"

Not.

Silence.

BigJockButMoreWeeThanBigBigJoc · 19/02/2016 18:15

Takes handbag full of whiskey from personal army of bowtie-wearing kittens in sparkly top hats.

I think if I had walked out I would have been labelled as hysterical and/or over reacting. And in their heads they would twist it in to me being embarrassed by their superior knowledge.

As it was they've shown themselves up as dickheads. And shown me who the good uns are. I've had a few emails already from other attendees stating shock at their behaviour one cc-ing in both my manager and theirs from a very senior person.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2016 18:15

only been invited...so when he was setting them up for others he'd know what was needed

Sam got a very good insight into how meetings are conducted. Consider your woman's work done Hmm

Lweji · 19/02/2016 18:17

Good to know not all were dickheads, Big.

limitedperiodonly · 19/02/2016 18:18

the guy who needed to tell us all that, actually, vaginas are all wonderful in look, smell and taste. Yeah, thanks you patronising creep, we know. And, of course, he prefaced it with 'I'm a man'.

Well of course. He wouldn't want anyone to think he was a lesbian.