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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thibk there's a lot of mansplaining going on at the moment?

556 replies

StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2016 09:58

On mn I mean. Just something I seem to be spotting more and more.
happy to be told I'm wrong in words of one syllable

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2016 10:27

Off topic now but dh is watching mad men and I loved the line by someone recruiting "we are looking for a secretary so gentlemen you are free to leave" :o

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 17/02/2016 10:28

There is a lot of it from women on Mumsnet.

It doesn't really need a name, or a gender specific one. Just "fucking gobshite know it all" usually suffices.

There are instances where I have been mansplained. Redesigning the kitchen at the moment and had a chap mansplaining to me why I shouldn't get a particular oven. Why was he mansplaining and not just giving his opinion? Because when I countered his argument he gave up on me and turned to my husband and told him why I don't really want that particular type of oven

Hmm
cleaty · 17/02/2016 10:29

Agree with OP. Just happened on a thread I was on about sanitary towels. As if men who never use sanitary protection have any idea about sanitary towels!!

BigJockButMoreWeeThanBigBigJoc · 17/02/2016 10:29

I didn't write that very clearly, so what i mean it is mainly men that do the 'explaining'

But both sexes are guilty of assuming that when told there is an expert and a junior attending a meeting that the man will be the expert.

Owllady · 17/02/2016 10:29

I've come out in a cold sweat at the words

village action group

Confused
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 17/02/2016 10:30

Bloody 'mansplaining' - it's one of those nonsense terms coind by feminist, like it's male-only behaviour or something Hmm. Just gives them the jump-start to use the word 'partriachy' a lot, and feminist-splain to us lesser 'warrior females'.

In the the real world, a 'manslapiner' is just know-it-all, who expects all around them in be in awe of their knowledge and wisdom, even if they have no idea what they are talking about. My MIL is one, as is one of my Uncles. Sometimes just nodding and smiling is the only way to deal with them - very much a 'think prick, say nothing' situation.

TeaPleaseLouise · 17/02/2016 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouSaffBridge · 17/02/2016 10:31

StealthPolarBear - Was reminded to do it by the thread about working from home.

Ha! That's my thread, and when I read just your OP I was ready to mention it! That was some brilliant mansplaining there Grin

Tbh, I don't see a huge amount of it on MN at the moment, no more than usual. I think most men on here have a lot to contribute and it is always interesting to hear a different perspective on a debate, which many men have through different life experiences.

However being grilled over IT security was a little unusual...

DaddyDr · 17/02/2016 10:31

Women don't do it.....
Have you ever been a man, in the company of women and youre holding your own baby???

Trust me women do this too.

rosebiggs · 17/02/2016 10:33

It's the Harry Enfield character, 'You don't wanna do it like that...'

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2016 10:33

Acronym vag

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 17/02/2016 10:33

Well, Rebecca Solnitt is pretty successful. I think she is more than justified for taking the position that she knows more about Muybridge than the man she's speaking to in the narrative, and I find it odd that the assumption of expertise by a woman raises such hackles and accusations of egotism. Particularly given that the explicit context is an exchange with a guy who is not only a total non-expert but who is patronising her by telling her she ought to read the 'very important' book he's heard about on the subject... which she actually wrote. Grin

I agree with cottonfrock - I've experienced it a lot. A man will ask me what I'm writing about, I'll tell them, and they will proceed to tell me all about it. There is an underlying assumption that despite the fact that I have years of research experience and they have read one popular paperback, I need to be given the benefit of their knowledge. (I often find that they try to 'test' me on facts too - even though my area is not at all factual). This also happens on social media. I do not find women do the same thing - on the whole, they tend to ask questions. Which often reveal far more knowledge and insight than the diatribes from men.

I also suspect this has something to do with gendered ideas of intelligence, though, so it might not be so prevalent in more practical domains that require every bit as much expertise but in a different way??

cleaty · 17/02/2016 10:34

But some men only ever do it to woman. They wouldn't dream of being like that to another man.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2016 10:34

Daddy Dr ill take your word for that one :o
Ps I can smell something a but whiff, I think your baby needs a change dear ;)

OP posts:
LumpySpacedPrincess · 17/02/2016 10:36

Mansplaining happens all the time and is a very real thing.

Women as a class are still seen as lesser than men as a class and men do like to explain things to us clearly.

It isn't a silly feminist thing, it's evidence of the way society is set up and where women sit within that society.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 10:36

I sooo wish I had known what mansplaining was so I could have given a patronising definition to those already in the know Wink

Owllady · 17/02/2016 10:36

I once put in a complaint about someone at work and I was put on the spot by my manager and had to hand write the complaint, there and then.
The day after I was called to his office to discuss the complaint with him and his deputy. Both men.
They picked over it and then added that there was alot of big words in it and I did I understand them Confused
On replying yes, they added they'd also checked the spellings and I'd even spelt them right Hmm
So that was a confidence boost

rosebiggs · 17/02/2016 10:37

Yes I agree cleaty that some men only do it to women. Also some women only do it to younger women. (MIL)

CottonFrock · 17/02/2016 10:37

*Bloody 'mansplaining' - it's one of those nonsense terms coind by feminist, like it's male-only behaviour or something hmm. Just gives them the jump-start to use the word 'partriachy' a lot, and feminist-splain to us lesser 'warrior females'.

In the the real world, a 'manslapiner' is just know-it-all, who expects all around them in be in awe of their knowledge and wisdom, even if they have no idea what they are talking about. My MIL is one, as is one of my Uncles. Sometimes just nodding and smiling is the only way to deal with them - very much a 'think prick, say nothing' situation.*

Nonsense, MrsGently - a good mainsplaining term in itself! You make your own ideological biases pretty plain in your post, so I'll just say you're trying to de-gender a gendered phenomenon. I'm sure your MIL and your uncle are know-alls, but, with respect, that's purely anecdotal.

I do agree the word is annoying, but 'patriarchysplain' doesn't leap off the tongue.

DrDad, welcome to the world a lot of women live in a lot of the time. I can appreciate it is highly irritating, but if you're a woman, you get it in all kinds of contexts.

DaddyDr · 17/02/2016 10:39

Thank you stealthpolarbear it's only the 2001 nappy I've done, can you please tell me how to do it.....Grin

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 17/02/2016 10:40

CottonFrock, aw thanks for Cottonsplaining my post to me!

CottonFrock · 17/02/2016 10:41

A man will ask me what I'm writing about, I'll tell them, and they will proceed to tell me all about it. There is an underlying assumption that despite the fact that I have years of research experience and they have read one popular paperback, I need to be given the benefit of their knowledge. (I often find that they try to 'test' me on facts too - even though my area is not at all factual). This also happens on social media. I do not find women do the same thing - on the whole, they tend to ask questions. Which often reveal far more knowledge and insight than the diatribes from men.

You're giving me flashbacks to an Oxbridge High Table, shove. I had just published an award-winning book on a subject off the back of my doctorate, and the elderly male philosopher beside me proceeded to tell me at length all about my subject, on the basis that he had once, years ago, seen a play related to the topic.

cleaty · 17/02/2016 10:42

Mothers get advice from other women all the time that they are doing parenting wrong. Why should fathers be immune from that?

DoreenLethal · 17/02/2016 10:43

At my allotment:

Another lottie holder walks past - female - says hello and are you enjoying the good weather [sometimes sarcastic] - we chat we laugh and then continue on our ways.

Another lottie holder walks past - man - and he will say 'why are you doing that now, do you think you need to do more weeding, you are late with your potatoes and then try to explain to me [the trained horticulturist that teaches organic food growing] why I am doing it wrong, and I have to then spend my valuable time telling him he couldn't be more wrong and why and then have him hump off muttering about women on allotments. [One walked by the other day and said 'Morning' and nothing else and I was stunned - my 'fuck off' vibes are hopefully getting through.]

It is rife; everywhere you go men telling women what they should be doing and why when it is nothing to do with them and none of their business.

AskingForAPal · 17/02/2016 10:44

I've actually had feminism mansplained to me before. Apparently, there are, like, waves of feminism. And Germaine Greer was in one of them. I was doing this face Shock

:o

A friend at school (I think he was trying to be sympathetic) used to mansplain period pain - sorry "lady pain" - to me and other girls. We did not react well.