Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill

93 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 09:47

A few months ago we went for a meal with some family. Me, dh and ds who was 6.

There were quite a few people and at the end everyone split the bill as normal. I think it was £30 each.

The thing is dh feels we got massively ripped off as ds only had a starter and a squash, I only had a soft drink as was driving but not too bothered about that. It was more paying £30 for ds when other people had starters mains and sides and lots of drinks.

If forgotten but we didn't really want to be awkward at the time and look tight.

I'm wondering was it fair or should we have paid less for ds, or should we have spoken up?

The reason it's come up is there is another meal coming up and dh thinks that we shouldn't take ds again. There are other reasons like it ends up getting really late, also some people get him really over excited then get annoyed when he messes around.

OP posts:
operaha · 17/02/2016 09:51

Why didn't you just say "ds meal cost 10" and then work it out? Never understand why people stay quiet over this tbh, not one person at the table would have thought you were bu.
Don't take ds due to the late night if that's what you want but fgs stand up for yourselves? You paid nearly £100 a meal for 3 with next to no booze!

Oysterbabe · 17/02/2016 10:00

I'm surprised that a 6 year old would be counted as a full person for the purposes of bill splitting. Did the other family members have kids of similar ages? I would have thought kids would be ignored and the full bill split between the adults. If you'd prefer to just pay for what you had then say that. I wouldn't get into who had what myself.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 10:01

At the time the person organising the meal made a point of saying £30 each and pointedly said all 3 of us. I think we just didn't want to cause a confrontation at the meal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 10:06

He was the only child there.

These meals come up every so often and truth be told we don't really want to go or take ds but we end up getting persuaded by pushy relatives. They say "oh it's only one night", and they say it's booked for X time then everyone's late and it ends up dragging on all night.

The fact we paid all that money just makes it even more of a sore point.

OP posts:
Muskateersmummy · 17/02/2016 10:14

Personally I am one for splitting the simplest way possibly, just dividing by the number there. Sometimes this works in our favour other times not. But I wouldn't have counted the child in that divide.

Chalk it up to experience and know for next time to suggest they take the child's meal into account. It's really simply to take the children's meal off, then divide the rest, and you pay your share plus the children's extra.

AnnaT45 · 17/02/2016 10:15

I can't believe the organiser expected a child to pay £30?!

Fratelli · 17/02/2016 10:16

If there's one thing having a child has taught me it's to stand up for myself and my family. Not being rude, just doing what's best for my family. Don't take ds next time if you don't want to. But taking him because of pushy people leads to strained relationships and bitterness imo.

LagunaBubbles · 17/02/2016 10:16

I also dont get why you didn't say anything at the time, paying £30 for a 6 year old is ridiculous. If pointing this out leads to a "confrontation" then I wouldn't be bothering going out for these meals again.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 10:23

Thanks for replies.

We were obviously really stupid. We were ready to go and were working out what we needed to pay, we would have rounded it up anyway but the next thing the organiser just announced £30 each and made a point of saying "so £30 each for pyjama, pyjamadh and littlepyjama", I wish we'd said something now. Wasn't sure whether it was one of those things you just chalk it up.

OP posts:
Muskateersmummy · 17/02/2016 10:24

Not stupid pyjama ... But you'll know for next time

toohardtothinkofaname · 17/02/2016 10:45

When pregnant I hated going for meals because I got full quick so only had a main but would end up paying for other people's starters & alcoholic drinks when it was shared 'equally'. Never say anything but wish it was known at the beginning of a meal it was being shared this way so I'd get my money's worth! YANBU

QueenArseClangers · 17/02/2016 10:49

Well, if you go next time say "There must've been a mistake last time, we paid £30 for DS's meal! Looks like we're straight for the next few meals at least.'

Either that or tell them to fuck off.

milkysmum · 17/02/2016 10:54

Well I hate confrontation but there would have been no way I would have paid £30 for a kids meal! To be honest being vegetarian my meal is generally cheaper so I tend to put in less than people getting steaks etc as well.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 11:08

Ugh I wish I'd just made my excuses to not go.

It isn't even just the money, every time we go out with these people the evening drags on and on, a certain couple of people always end up getting ds over excited by play fighting with him at the table so I spend the evening on the edge of my seat moving drinks and plates out of the way. I don't see why I should tell ds off when someone repeatedly messes around lay fighting, playing jokes.

I'm so crap at standing up for myself.

OP posts:
Kayakinggirl86 · 17/02/2016 11:11

This is one of my major bug bears in life.
Living in a village with no public transport I am always driving hardly ever drink. I am also allergic/ intolerant to just about everything, often the only thing in a menu I can eat is the side salad!
After going out for a group meal at Christmas where they all had wine and 3 courses and I had a coke and a side salad. I got annoyed when they said we should split the bill and it was £26 each. I refused to pay that and just put in what mine had cost.

rumbelina · 17/02/2016 11:13

It's a bit rubbish that no one else said anything. I'm generally happy to split a bill if everyone's had similar but would always speak out if someone had obviously had a lot less eg a kid or someone not drinking when loads of wine was on the bill.

Whathaveilost · 17/02/2016 11:14

Usually I'm fir dividing the bill per numer of people. Round where I live there isn't much difference between a pint of Coke or a glass of wine. The rest of my group are the same.
What I have learned to do is at the beginning of the meal shout up and say 'hey, how are we paying for this?' Then there are no surprises at the end.

In this case paying that amount for a child is mad. Also I wouldn't let a pushy relative boss me round. A few of mine did in the past but I just smiled and said non comittal things like ' we'll see' or 'maybe' and then did my own thing anyway.

Whathaveilost · 17/02/2016 11:15

While we are on this,nmy bug bear is that people who say they will only pay for what they have had and do exactly that!!

coconutpie · 17/02/2016 11:16

YANBU. That's appalling that they insisted your 6 yo sub their bill for food and drink. In future, tell them you will be paying for your portion of the bill separately as the last time you unfairly paid extra.

GoringBit · 17/02/2016 11:20

We are friends with two couples, each couple has a DC that sometimes comes when we go to a restaurant (so five of us eating), and we split the bill in half. I'd feel awkward haggling over what they should pay for the DC, plus if we've enjoyed the company, we don't mind paying that little bit extra. It's incredibly mean to expect a parents to pay an equal share for their DC.

Muskateersmummy · 17/02/2016 11:21

Personally I wouldn't refer back to this occasion, as people will just wonder why you didn't speak up at the time. I would simply move forward by saying when the bill came "DS only had a children's meal which was x and ours comes to y so we will be paying this much" (remembering to include your share of the tip! As that annoys me, people split the bill and always forget to include the tip so somebody ends up stumping that up too - usually me as I'm quite firm about tipping !!)

fakenamefornow · 17/02/2016 11:23

I read once that in Germany it's the custom to all just pay for what you had to eat/drink.

In the UK the custom is to divide the bill by the number of people so you all pay the same.

In Germany people are less likely to order all three courses, order less expensive items and drink less as they will have to pay for everything they order.

In the UK people are more likely to order all three courses, more expensive items and drink more because they want to make sure they get their fair share and their order will be subsidised by the others.

gasman · 17/02/2016 11:25

Kids are always a little tricky for bill splitting.

My friends and I tend to split/adult but as the childless singleton this is increasingly working against me especially when my friend with three kids turns up on her own as her husband is stuck at work....

If it bothers you I would say something in advance and in they be quick to get in there with DS's meal cost £X (be sure to cover it fully though people notice if you round down/forget the drinks) let's take that off then split the rest between the adults.

fakenamefornow · 17/02/2016 11:26

I'm always all for splitting the bill but maybe German system is best.

Kbear · 17/02/2016 11:26

We often eat out with large groups of friends - a trick we learnt on holiday with a large group, is to pay per family. This always works - if there are few couples they can group together and be family 1. If not, each family pays their own bill. I have two teens but some friends only have one or no kids - not fair to lump the bill together and everyone is happy with this arrangement. I don't really drink so I am not about to pay for the 17 bottles of wine that they drunk down the other end of the table!

There were 23 of us Saturday night for a curry - the family thing works perfectly.