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AIBU?

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Original poster

Splitting the bill

93 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 09:47

A few months ago we went for a meal with some family. Me, dh and ds who was 6.

There were quite a few people and at the end everyone split the bill as normal. I think it was £30 each.

The thing is dh feels we got massively ripped off as ds only had a starter and a squash, I only had a soft drink as was driving but not too bothered about that. It was more paying £30 for ds when other people had starters mains and sides and lots of drinks.

If forgotten but we didn't really want to be awkward at the time and look tight.

I'm wondering was it fair or should we have paid less for ds, or should we have spoken up?

The reason it's come up is there is another meal coming up and dh thinks that we shouldn't take ds again. There are other reasons like it ends up getting really late, also some people get him really over excited then get annoyed when he messes around.

OP posts:
GloGirl · 17/02/2016 12:23

Stroll = strongly

PolovesTubbyCustard · 17/02/2016 12:24

I would usually say split the bill evenly. But when there are DC in the mix it becomes more complicated.

As detailed in previous posts - either the DC eats barely anything - or the parents order the same adult amount for DC and scoff it themselves.

The best for you guys for next time would be to clarify what exactly you are prepared to pay - DS doesn't eat much, you aren't drinking all the wine etc.

But it sounds as if you don't really want to dine out with this group at all. So I'd just cut your losses and go out on your own - you, pyjamaDS and pyjamaDC. :)

Headofthehive55 · 17/02/2016 12:26

Love stillrunnings suggestion

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 17/02/2016 12:28

Good idea about speaking to staff about sorting out own bill beforehand.

Grace. I do find it difficult to be assertive particularly with these people. I just don't seem to be able to say no without someone taking the huff or harassing me until I change my mind.

Dh wants to leave ds home but if we do I'll be told I'm mean and that they wanted ds there. Funnily enough nobody will moan at dh.

OP posts:
SevenOfNineTrue · 17/02/2016 12:32

Next time be clear upfront you do not want to split the bill and you will pay for what you have had only. It's that or you don't go or go and suck it up.

harshbuttrue1980 · 17/02/2016 12:38

I'm a teetotal vegetarian, so if I was to split the bill when I go out, I'd get shafted each time. I've learned how to be assertive about just paying my own.

If I go to a clothes shop with a friend and I buy an expensive dress and she buys a pair of socks, we go to the till separately. I certainly wouldn't say to her, "lets go to the till together, its easier to go halves and it all evens out in the end". Why then should I do this when eating out?

People have different budgets too, and someone could be deliberately eating less to stay within budget. I'm not tight btw - I do tip, and I'm always happy to do things like chip in for the birthday girl's meal etc. I just don't see why, rationally, I should pay for someone else's steak and wine.

OnlyLovers · 17/02/2016 12:45

without someone taking the huff or harassing me until I change my mind.

a) who cares if they take the huff? Not your problem. Ignore them.
b) no one has the right to harass you. In the nicest possible way, stand the hell up for yourself! Get your DH to stand up for you too if necessary. 'This is what we're paying.' Repeat as needed, or remove yourself from the table/situation.

kaitlinktm · 17/02/2016 12:49

Dh wants to leave ds home but if we do I'll be told I'm mean and that they wanted ds there. Funnily enough nobody will moan at dh

I used to get sick of this sort of thing. In the end I used to say "You need to talk to DH about this, it was his decision".

I would be very tempted to say you couldn't afford to pay for three of you though so left DS at home. Wink

Namechangenell · 17/02/2016 12:50

The last twice I've been out with a newish group of friends, this has happened to me. I'm veggie and the last night out, wasn't drinking (driving). I ended up subbing two others' bottles of wine and various expensive meat dishes. On yeah, and driving home so paying for parking too (expensive city car park). Won't be going out with them again. Did they realise? Not sure...

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 17/02/2016 12:51

I think splitting the bill evenly is fine if everyone eats and drinks roughly the same amount - I don't think many people will quibble between person A having chicken for £13 and person B having sea bass for £15.

However, if one person doesn't drink and has one diet coke while everyone else is necking wine, then I do speak up. I did it when pregnant, and I have spoken up on behalf of other people. It depends on the quantities - if everyone has just one drink then there's not much difference in the prices of beer/soft drinks. But if it's an occasion where the wine is flowing, then not many non-drinkers match the quantities drunk by the wine-drinkers - at big meals out, the drinkers can easily consume multiple alcoholic drinks while the non-drinkers have 1 or 2 Cokes.

PovertyPain · 17/02/2016 12:56

So, basically, your paid for your sons meal, plus a couple if bottles of wine! Fuck that for a barrel of monkeys. Take a note of the cost of your child's meal and before your prick of a cousin opens his mouth, have the money on the table to hand over. You could always slip out to the toilet between the main course and dessert, to get the money ready.

SevenOfNineTrue · 17/02/2016 13:07

Could you ask the restaurant in advance to quietly set up a tab only for the three of you?

Happybara · 17/02/2016 13:10

We usually split the bill in families, each adding a bit extra for a tip. We were royally caught out recently when the two couples at the end of the table added up the amount of money already in the pot, including the tips, then divided the remainder owing between themselves!! The money they paid came no where near the cost of what they actually ate but the generous tipping covered it. It wasn't until we got home later on, (the 2 glasses of wine I drank didn't help), that I realised we had been diddled.

Inertia · 17/02/2016 13:18

I would arrange with the staff at the start of the meal that you, DH and your son need a separate bill as you expect to leave early. Make it clear to the organisers that you will have a separate bill at the start. Then pay up and leave when it gets to bedtime.

fakenamefornow · 17/02/2016 13:20

I remember I went out one Christmas with family, about 16 people, we were the only people with children. It was a chain restaurant and we had some Tesco vouchers that covered about half the total bill. We put them in (very happy to do so) and then suggested we all just split the rest. The new bill came back, minus the Tesco vouchers, and a cousin divided what was left, plus tip, between everybody, including our three children who each had the £6.50 childrens meal! I would have challenged it at the time and asked them not to be included (especially considering we had just reduced the bill for everybody by about £130) but didn't really notice.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 13:25

I can't believe the organiser expected a child to pay £30?!

THIS

Wardy1993 · 17/02/2016 13:39

Fakename surely you shouldn't have had to pay for anything seeing as you not only covered your part of the bill but reduced everyone else's already?!???! Shock

Katedotness1963 · 17/02/2016 14:17

I would quietly ask the staff for a separate bill and then watch with interest as the cheapskates realised no-one was helping out with their overspend.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/02/2016 14:36

Did your DS order from a children's menu or the normal adult one?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/02/2016 14:41

Sorry I posted to soon,

If I eat out with my kids I order from the adults menu for them and if the agreement was equal split then I would think that was fair to include them (they do tend to have 3 courses)

Around here children's menu meals tend to be about £4 compared to an adults £20 that's not fair to equally spilt same as an adult with an issue that meant they could only eat a starter or salad.

If I eat as a group I always make a point of saying "anybody who wants individual bills don't forget to tell the wait staff" that way nobody can be pressured into split bills.

3WiseWomen · 17/02/2016 14:43

Tbh, you don't seem to enjoy going so why are you even contemplating going?

And YY, you dont make a child who has had very little to eat pay the same thing than an adult with alchol etc.
Actually tou might even say that one reason you aren't going is because it's extortionate to pay £30 due a kid's meal.

3WiseWomen · 17/02/2016 14:45

Needs the ds had a starter and a squash. I suspect that it could well be cheaper than the kid menu anyway!

Of course if your DC eats like an adult, luke my own dcs would do, ten you pay as if they were adults. But that isn't the case there.

alltouchedout · 17/02/2016 14:46

I've been caught out for that before too. I once paid £20 for ds2 to eat a bowl of chips and drink two j20s. Not one person I was out with thought it was remotely unreasonable to include him as a full person in splitting the bill, which still confuses me to this day. The adults had starters, mains, side dishes and alcohol ffs!

CalleighDoodle · 17/02/2016 14:47

I agree with ask the waiter at the start for a separate bill as you may have to leave early if ds gets too tired.

Or take the bill yourself at the end and split it without including d.s..

Also it sometimes hells if people get off the arses and buy drinks individually at the bar.

Lweji · 17/02/2016 14:50

I wouldn't go for dinner with them, and go out ourselves with DS.

They took advantage of you.

Most times I have taken DS to a meal, people either don't count him (no need, but they are nice) or he pays a reduced part. As family we always count children as paying less as well, unless they have the same food as us.

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